NIAMH Spence draws in a sharp breath as she opens the banking app on her phone.
It is two weeks until she gets paid and she only has a few pounds left in her account.
4
4
This strikes fear in her heart. As a mum to four-year-old Evie, Niamh realises she still has to shop for dinner items, a kid’s birthday present and a bottle of wine for the nursery’s raffle.
Although the freelance PR worker earns a good wage to equal that of her fiancé, lorry driver Stephen, she is always left skint weeks before pay day — while he is not.
Does it sound familiar? Women across the UK are finding that their income is burned through much faster than their partners’.
There are endless chats on forums such as Mumsnet around the issue . . . “Skint wife and Rich Husband — please help”, “I’m so much poorer than my partner” and “Spouses with very different spending habits” to mention a few.
A study by credit company Intrum found women spend 64 per cent of their income on essential items, while men get through just 53 per cent.
Women were also more likely to go into debt to cover everyday necessities.
Niamh, 34, of Salford, Greater Manchester, says: “Every month my bank account is hammered by our bills, while my partner keeps his healthily balanced.
“We split household bills down the middle, with him transferring his half to me weekly, when he is paid.
“But there are always extra, invisible expenses that come with the territory, especially for mums, which see me fork out more money than he does.”
TV personal finance expert Jane Hawkes says it is a widespread problem and one that has been increased by the decline of the joint bank account.
She says: “It is clear women end up spending more on just about everything on a daily basis, from picking up ‘a few bits’ for dinner to buying presents for countless birthdays.
“And most importantly there is the death of the joint account, which is seeing women using their account for multiple purchases. Those everyday outgoings hit women harder.”
Joint accounts are in sharp decline. TSB found in 2024 that only 12 per cent of couples share all their finances in a joint account.
Of those with one of these set-ups, four out of five people also had an individual account.
While ditching the joint account and having control of your individual finances may seem like a mark of financial freedom, there is a downside when it comes to running a family home — as Niamh, who doesn’t have a joint account, found.
She says: “A joint account was never on the cards for us. So many bills were already set up in my name from before Steve and I lived together, it felt like a lot of admin to change that, and he’s always just paid half of our monthly budget into my account.
“It always felt less hassle, which might be why we’ve fallen into this comfortable habit. I was always wary of a joint account for a number of reasons.
“A joint account seems quite outdated. But without one, the parent who does the lion’s share of the jobs simply picks up a bigger tab.”
In the current financial climate, women in heterosexual households are increasingly finding themselves broke.
A study by consumer research company NIQ found that women make between 70 and 80 per cent of household buying decisions.
Plus, nearly 60 per cent of female grocery shoppers did most — if not all — the food purchasing for their households, according to market research firm Statista.
‘Donations and trips’
Niamh says: “The food shopping falls to me, but it’s the other items too.
“I drop off at the nursery and therefore pick up the communications about World Book Day costumes, donations and day trips. Therefore, it’s me who coughs up.
“I check Evie’s bag nightly, so I deal with all the party invitations and buying the presents.
“None of those things cost a lot of money, but they all add up.
“When you look at it over the course of a month, it’s a sizeable chunk of cash.
“Add in dance classes and gymnastics, all of which I take her to and organise, and there’s a few hundred pounds extra I pay for each month.”
A big problem with the money balance in couples is that admin often comes down to mums.
A 2020 poll found 73 per cent of women who live with a partner felt they did more “invisible labour” than their partner.
Niamh says: “It’s always me realising Evie needs a new coat or has outgrown her shoes, so I foot the bill.
“I’m the one who purchases things for our home, I notice we need an air freshener, a candle or that Evie’s had her nursery pictures taken so we need more photo frames.
“These just don’t come into Steve’s periphery.
4
“Also, the pink tax, where products marketed towards women are priced higher than their male counterparts, even if the products are essentially the same, is a real issue.
“If I buy toiletries for myself, they’re always more expensive than Steve’s. I don’t treat myself to anything special, but everyday things like razors are about £2 more expensive for women for the same product.
“It’s not that Steve wouldn’t want to pay.
“In fact, on the odd occasion I’ve mentioned it, he has been mortified that I’m left out of pocket, and has insisted on transferring money over to me to cover costs.
“But the amounts are so small, it doesn’t feel worth mentioning.”
A TSB survey found that 40 per cent of people who thought their financial situation was unfair had never raised the matter with their partner.
‘Serious implications’
Niamh says: “I’m not going to sit around in the evening, as we enjoy our precious hour of alone time, saying, ‘I had to put in £5 for a teacher collection today, can you transfer £2.50 to me’.
“But that’s how it all adds up, and really, he can only pay for what he knows about.
“Steve has always been really upset on the odd occasion when I have pointed it out.
“I know he’s not deliberately trying to make me pay more, it just feels like financial ignorance — and not intentional either.
“I’m the one who feels sick watching the money drain from my account every month. We have spoken about trying to make our finances more even, because we know it could have serious implications for the future.
“We live in a house that I own from before we met, but we’ve looked at getting a mortgage together in the future.
“When we looked at how much we could borrow, I was rigorously questioned by the mortgage company on how I could afford the huge amount that leaves my account every month.
“Whereas Steve has a near-perfect credit score thanks to his predictable, regular payments to me.”
4
Steve says: “Niamh has just shown me how much extra she is spending every month.
“It has come as a big surprise. It’s really important to me that our bills are split equally.
“I’ve heard the phrase ‘invisible admin’ before but didn’t realise it was happening to us.
“I’m going to make sure she notes everything down as it really isn’t fair.
“I’m shocked.”
FIVE WAYS TO GET EVEN
PERSONAL finance expert Jane Hawkes explains why women find themselves out of pocket – and advises how to even things up.
GET A PAPER CALENDAR: Almost three-quarters of childcare is taken on by women, which means expenses over the school holidays also fall mainly to Mum.
A paper calendar is your cost-sharing friend. For each day of the school holidays, make a note on the calendar about what the plan is. Pop a note beside it detailing expected costs.
Your other half then needs to put half of this cost into your account by the end of the week.
ADOPT THE SQUIRREL METHOD: The little extra spend of 50p for the PTA raffle, £2.50 for school dinner or £2 on parking mount up – and leave you out of pocket.
Whenever you make a bigger purchase, squirrel the change away and build up a fund to pay for the little things
So if your grocery shop comes to £100.75, put that 25p in a separate part of your wallet – or a separate account – and ask your partner to do the same.
At the end of each week, put this money into a real or virtual jar, which becomes the “family squirrelled away fund” for small spends.
USE THE 5-4-3-2-1: A study in the US found men referred to their wives with terms like “project manager” or said they were “keeping track of more”.
This mental load for women comes as a financial cost. Remembering to pick up a few bits for dinner on the way home, even if it is as little as £4 a day, adds up to £124 a month.
Curtail those daily trips to the supermarket with the “5-4-3-2-1” grocery shopping method.
This idea suggests choosing five vegetables, four fruits, three proteins, two sauces and one grain at the beginning of the week.
You then mix and match these items to create meals, while keeping costs low by using what you have in your store cupboard to bulk it out.
SET UP A TREASURE CHEST: The decline of the joint account is a problem for women because they make the majority of purchases by dipping into their own funds.
Set up a shared “treasure chest” – a physical box or virtual fund using an easy banking app such as Revolut – to accumulate money for joint buys.
Each partner contributes a set amount weekly or monthly. The accumulated funds are then used for agreed-upon shared expenses.
DIVIDE AND CONQUER: Women make more than 70 per cent of the household purchasing decisions, studies by research firm NIQ found, which means there are expenses your partner does not contribute to.
This can be remedied simply by using the Notes app on your phone. Every time you spend on anything for the family, regardless of the cost, jot it down.
