Gen Z: Do you have a green outfit?
Boomer: Only my gardening overalls. And that’s mostly from grass stains.
But at my birthday party everything has to be martini olive green, as the theme is ‘a tini bit older’.
And sadly none the wiser?
I got the idea on Pinterest, where searches for ‘party planning inspo’ are up 800 per cent.
Can I dress up as Kermit?
Be real. My colour scheme is martini olive and Kermit’s more chartreuse.
So you’ll be including a Farrow & Ball paint chart with the RSVP?
Posh partying: a Hunger Games-themed set-up by party genie
The dress code will be detailed in calligraphy on bespoke, handmade invitations from upmarket London brand Cartalia. They’re £25 each.
You must be very rich. Or very stupid. Do these come with a hand-pressed wax seal, spritz of Chanel No5 and RSVP by white dove?
Just ask the Financial Times: ‘invitations set the tone of your event’.
I set the tone at my dinner parties with a firm warning to my fellow Boomer guests: ‘Sling your hook by 10pm.’
A £110 themed cake by Padoca Bakery NYC
You don’t get it, do you? Snaps of these invites on Instagram will get loads of comments, like ‘So jealous’ and ‘Wish I’d got the call-up’. This is what we live for.
You’re doing all this to impress people you don’t even know?
If I get less than 200 likes, there was 0 point throwing the party in the first place.
You mean fewer than 200 likes… oh, I give up. It’s bonkers is what it is.
My #inspo is Toronto influencer TikToker Nicole Rosati, who threw a ‘butter-yellow brunch’.
How do I nail that dress code? Lather myself in Lurpak?
Think butter-yellow cocktails, cake pops, flowers, balloon arches and crockery. She even swapped her wall art for pale yellow prints.
A bit like an explosion in a Bird’s Custard factory. Anyway, what the hell’s a cake pop?
It’s a cake on a stick!! Her 240,000 viewers loved it, one commenting: ‘This theme is everything. SUCH a magical set-up.’
I didn’t know Big Bird had a TikTok account.
It’s about proving I’m a #ChicCurator.
Are you applying for a job at the V&A?
A ‘curator’, you know, like The Times’ fashion editor Harriet Walker, who recently wrote about ‘curating’ the aesthetic for her birthday party.
Like when the 7th Earl of Elgin ‘curated’ the aesthetic at the British Museum by stealing the Marbles from the Parthenon in 1812?
Jelly on a plate: paper hats, cake and wobbly desserts in the 70s
Why does everything have to come back to Victorian times with you lot? No, Walker curated a six-hour playlist that reflected how she wanted ‘the arc’ of her party to play out.
All I need to ‘curate’ a birthday bash is a few bottles of Sauv Blanc and a portable karaoke machine.
That’s tragic. Don’t you have a six-year-old granddaughter? Haven’t you ever thrown her a party?
She’s a bit young to pretend to like my ‘homemade’ hummus decanted from its Waitrose tub.
According to The Telegraph, middle-class families are spending thousands on their kids’ and grandkids’ bashes.
Thousands? Is Elton John performing the hokey cokey?
Planners at London-based company Party Genie offer a £8,500 package for an ‘Instagrammable’ kids’ garden party with a dessert table, waffle counter and popcorn cart.
What on earth happened to pass-the-parcel and a paper bowl of ice cream and jelly?
Well, what if you were dairy-free?
Nobody had allergies in the 70s! Anyway, I’ve a Bond-themed suggestion for your curated ‘Tini’ playlist.
A View To A Swill?
Olive And Let Die.
