Gen Z: Do you know any helicopter rental places?
Boomer: Do I look like a Bond villain?
I need a ride to prom.
Your school disco? I got a lift to our 1980 do in my friend’s dad’s Vauxhall Astra.
That would hardly impress #PromTok.
It had a cassette player!
Sixteen-year-old ‘young entrepreneur’ Ahmet Karakaya turned up to prom in Hastings in a private chopper. He got 12.5 million views.
Did they let him play his ABBA tape, though?
High-flier: Ahmet’s arrival was the talk of the school
‘Everyone was super shocked and excited,’ he told website What’s The Jam? ‘Even the teachers were mesmerised.’
That’s not a prom entrance; it’s a Mission: Impossible stunt.
It cost £5.2k – worth it for the aura points.
What are aura poin… never mind. For £5,200 I’d want Tom Cruise piloting it.
I’ve just finished my GCSEs. Don’t I deserve to celebrate?
Get your school shirt signed and sneak a cider at the pub – job done.
A pub! My mother’s been on Mumsnet all week trying to find a Rolls-Royce for her DD.
Delusional diva?
Darling daughter.
Imagine ringing a car-hire place: ‘Yeah, the Rolls is for a bunch of GCSE students. They’ll need Fanta on tap and a horn that plays Despacito.’
But how else do I stand out among 4.9 billion #prom posts on TikTok? *Wails*
Bigger crimped hair and plenty of tulle?
Didn’t you read the ‘Properly posh prom dresses’ guide in The Times?
Properly posh, like the girl in my year whose mum took her to Chelsea Girl for a ra-ra skirt?
The most on-trend dresses are slinky ‘1990s-inspired bias-cut slip dresses’ à la the Olsen twins.
The strappy nighties my daughter keeps wearing? You can get those in M&S for a song!
Saying goodbye to schoolmates, 80s style
The Times’ recommendations include a £1,495 satin gown by Galvan and a £2,402 Valentino Garavani silk one.
That’s pricier than my wedding dress! And better suited for bed than the dancefloor.
I’m going to Angel Couture in Sheffield for my dress. Owner Kay Heeley is the GOAT.
The Goat? A goat? What the hell are you talking about?
It means Greatest Of All Time! How do you not know that? Anyway, the Financial Times reported that Heeley keeps ‘the mother of all spreadsheets’ to ensure no students end up wearing the same dress.
What happens if two girls turn up in identical ones – fisticuffs in the chemistry lab?
Social annihilation. And they’d have wasted a grand.
In my day you could buy a good secondhand car for that.
That includes make-up artist, hair, accessories and custom ‘Prom 2025’ nails.
Swarovski-encrusted claws to scratch anyone wearing the same colour?
You don’t understand! I need my #promtransition TikTok to pop off. British teenager Hannah Jamieson got 250,000 views showing her glam prep.
I liked the comment: ‘Why do teens now skip the awkward phase? I spent four years looking like the kid from The Exorcist.’
There’s also my after-party outfit. Something short. With wellies – it’s on Beatrice’s family farm.
Our ‘after party’ was sitting in a garage in flammable nylon dresses, swigging warm Lambrusco and playing Seven Minutes In Heaven.
Well, I #PROMise to tag you in my posts so you finally get the full experience.
And if someone’s wearing the same colour? I feel an ailment coming on…
I’ll have post-traumatic dress disorder.
