What your kid’s role in the nativity REALLY says about them and it’s not great if they’re a shepherd or Mary

AS Nativity season approaches, teachers across the country are quietly finalising their casts. 

But while the official explanations to parents are often very diplomatic, the honest reasons behind who gets chosen for Mary and the Wise Men tell a much funnier story.

Damon Cuthbert, ex teacher turned gift supplier at PersonalisedBee, has revealed how UK teachers really choose parts for the festive play. 

Speaking to Fabulous, he revealed that if your child has been cast in the coveted lead role of Mary, you will often be told that this is because she is calm, reliable, and perfect for a lead role.

However, inside they may be thinking, “She’s already running this entire production, and if I don’t give her this part, her parents might stage a rebellion of their own.”

Meanwhile, Josephs are typically praised for being steady and sensible.

GIFT IDEAS

Brits plan on giving homemade gifts this Christmas with baking and candles

STYLE SLEIGH

I’ve found the best £2 B&M buy to transform my daughter’s hair for Christmas

And this is true of the person cast, as the teacher is secretly relieved to have found someone who won’t argue, won’t complain, and definitely won’t drop the baby.

The Narrator is described as a confident guide to the story, but the teacher knows full well that this child simply “loves attention” and genuinely believes the audience bought tickets specifically to hear them speak.

Being cast as a Shepherd means your child is told they “bring great group energy,” while the teacher mutters internally that it’s actually because “they’re loud, they’re chatty, and this is a role where constant movement won’t derail the entire show.”

If your little one is one of the Wise Men, you’ll hear they add flair and remember lines beautifully. 

The teacher, meanwhile, recognises someone who enjoys crowns, costumes, and the general vibe of looking important.

According to Damon, this will be someone who is “delightfully dramatic, but dependable.”

Landing the role of Donkey comes with praise like “you can be trusted,” despite the teacher quietly acknowledging that this part is the safest way to keep a wonderfully unpredictable child contained and out of trouble.

Children cast as Angels are said to stand out with grace or energy, but the teacher is thinking, “You will be noticed no matter what – whether for being adorable or simply because you’re the tallest person on stage.”

The Innkeeper gets labelled funny and engaging, while the teacher knows they’re giving this cheeky, loveable character just one scene instead of the whole show for everyone’s sanity.

Meanwhile, being placed in the Choir means your child “has a great voice,” which loosely translates to “we needed to put you somewhere, and this keeps everyone happy.”