Good travel books do more than just map the lay of the land. The actor turned travel writer Andrew McCarthy is fully aware of this. His books tell of trips that were both geographical travels and personal journeys. In “The Longest Way Home” (2012), he described the various globe-trotting adventures he undertook to help him reflect on, and come to terms with, the twin hurdles of growing up and settling down. In “Walking With Sam” (2023), he chronicled the trek he and his son made along Spain’s Camino de Santiago to forge a stronger relationship.
McCarthy’s latest book is once again a blend of travel and memoir, discovery and self-discovery. “Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America” was inspired by a casual question his son asked him at home in New York: “You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?” Though not meant to wound, the words gave McCarthy pause. He did have friends, he told his son, and himself; they were just scattered far and wide. Later, he realized he seldom spoke with those friends and couldn’t remember when he had last seen them. Were his friendships still intact?
McCarthy embarks on a cross-country road trip to reconnect. He visits friends in Maryland, Kentucky, Texas, and California, finding the reunions sometimes startling and unsettling, other times joyous and heartfelt.
Why We Wrote This
Andrew McCarthy’s latest book, “Who Needs Friends,” offers a blend of travel and memoir, discovery, and self-discovery. He draws comfort from reunions with longtime pals – and gains insights from discussions with strangers about their friendships.
McCarthy’s book isn’t only about his efforts to salvage relationships and strengthen ties. He draws comfort from his reunions but gains insights from the discussions with strangers about their friendships. In a restaurant in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, Joseph explains that it is taboo to show vulnerability with male friends. In contrast, in a Hardee’s restaurant in Brookville, Ohio, Lew and Bobby, friends for 60 years, unashamedly declare that they shed tears together and share their innermost feelings.
Elsewhere, McCarthy meets a group of men who get off the “struggle bus” once a week to enjoy a “Brotherhood Breakfast.” He runs across two best friends whose fathers and grandfathers were also best friends, along with a man who claims friendship is about “recognizing in someone else something of ourselves.” Another person says of his friends, “When I talk to them, I get me.”
One man is more at ease with female friends, another bewails the fact his friends have all left town (“It’s Lonelyville now”), while yet another admits that his friends are his enemies. “They don’t want me to do better’n them,” he tells McCarthy.
“Who Needs Friends” (or, for that matter, question marks) is fascinating and absorbing. It takes many forms: study, travelogue, guidebook, and warts-and-all self-portrait. McCarthy’s fieldwork is laudable. He clocked 10,000 miles, traveled through 22 states, and listened to the viewpoints of a range of individuals, from Mississippi blues musicians to Wyoming cowboys, jaded war veterans to rudderless teenagers, journalists to preachers. He encountered men whose friendships have been foundational, situational, and generational.
McCarthy’s findings prove illuminating. Most of the men he talks with have never spoken about their male friendships before and are glad to finally get the opportunity. The younger men have no hang-ups about admitting to being lonely; older generations of men, however, regard such a confession as a sign of weakness. McCarthy is heartened by men who get together regularly, whether in pairs or in groups, to communicate, laugh, and nourish their friendships.
The book is particularly compelling when McCarthy charts his own progress, recording the ups and downs of his grand tour and chronicling his mission “to reclaim what I hope I haven’t lost.” His travels take him – and us – to some rewarding places.
