JANUARY
1 Which Labour figure was booed on a winter holiday?
a) Sir Keir Starmer for jumping the queue at a toboggan ride
b) Angela Rayner for snapping up all the Airbnb properties
c) Rachel Reeves for organising a resort trivia night where the answer to every question was ‘the failings of the last government’
d) Ed Miliband after his wind-powered Net Zero cable car left skiers stranded
2 Why did six officers swoop on the home of Maxie Allen and Rosalind Levine, detaining them for 11 hours?
a) For criticising leadership at their three-year-old daughter’s primary school on a parents’ WhatsApp group
b) For littering, after an HGV crashed into their front wall, sending bricks flying
c) For being suspected pro-Hamas terrorists, after a fellow shopper misheard them profess their love of ‘hummus’ in Lidl
d) Because they were heard saying ‘who’s a pretty boy, then’ to a female parrot in a petting zoo – taken as an aggressive form of misgendering
3 What did French authorities officially add to the nation’s cultural heritage list?
a) Adultery
b) The can-can
c) The Calais migrant camp
d) Brigitte Macron’s forearms, after she was caught giving her husband Emmanuel a hefty shove on their plane
FEBRUARY
4 What was the name of the WhatsApp group in which health minister Andrew Gwynne exchanged offensive messages, as the MoS revealed, costing him his job?
a) Unsafe Space
b) Nowt So Queer As Woke
c) Trigger Me Timbers
d) Macroaggressions
5 Amid all the issues America faces, President Trump signed an executive order to bring back what?
a) Toys in Cap’n’Crunch breakfast cereal
b) Blockbuster Video stores
c) Plastic straws
d) Space Hoppers
Amid all the issues America faces, President Trump signed an executive order to bring back what?
6 And why was it odd that Trump imposed 10 per cent tariffs on the McDonald Islands?
a) They are actually part of America
b) They are Antarctic outcrops inhabited only by penguins
c) They are the fictional home of corporate mascot Ronald McDonald
d) They are microscopic clusters of cells in the human pancreas
7 Why did a woke academic at the Science Museum have an issue with Lego?
a) Oblong bricks are tools of colonial oppression
b) Because it reinforced heterosexual gender norms with the ‘male’ pins of the bricks fitting into ‘female’ holes
c) They are used to build walls, and walls divide people, man…
d) The fact that models could be made by ‘intelligent design’ flew in the face of evolution
MARCH
8 Which bizarre conspiracy theory did Russell Brand tweet, apparently thinking it to be true?
a) That The Good Life star Penelope Keith shot JFK
b) That Princess Diana faked her death and spent years anonymously playing Tinky-Winky in Teletubbies
c) That Noel Edmonds was behind the 9/11 attacks
d) That Elmo was passing secret messages to Mossad agents via Sesame Street
9 Why did Elon Musk’s Tesla recall every Cybertruck?
a) To peel off all the stickers saying ‘I bought this before we knew Elon was crazy’
b) Like the company boss, it veered dangerously to the far right
c) To replace dodgy glue that made external panels fall off
d) To improve soundproofing to stop drivers being able to hear passers-by laughing at them
APRIL
10 How did Katy Perry speak about her joyride to the edge of space on an all-female trip?
a) ‘We are going to put the “ass” in astronaut’
b) ‘Space just got four new heavenly bodies’
c) ‘I haven’t felt thrust like that since I dated Orlando’
d) ‘Anyone want to join the 62-mile high club?’
How did Katy Perry speak about her joyride to the edge of space on an all-female trip?
11 Screenings of the Minecraft movie erupted into chaos, with children throwing popcorn around cinemas, when Jack Black’s character said what line?
a) ‘Chicken jockey’
b) ‘6-7’
c) ‘Grab your shovels, let’s mine!’
d) ‘Release the weevil’
12 What was unusual about the King’s performance of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star this month?
a) He played it on a carrot with the London Vegetable Orchestra
b) He hummed it when reporters asked awkward questions about his former valet Michael Fawcett
c) He played it by making fart sounds with his hand under his armpit
d) He sang it in German to the Austrian ambassador… but got the translation wrong so was actually singing ‘Shiny, Shiny, Little Zit’
What was unusual about the King’s performance of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star this month?
13 Who said: ‘We are committed to honouring the legacy of this iconic character while bringing a fresh, exotic new chapter to audiences’ and why?
a) Quentin Tarantino on his blood-soaked gritty reboot of Postman Pat
b) The BBC as they follow up the Vicar Of Dibley with The Imam Of Dibley
c) Amazon after they took full control of the James Bond franchise
d) DreamWorks, revealing a new-look slimline Shrek, following a course of Ozempic
MAY
14 Why did B&Q have to apologise over a self-assembly cabinet?
a) After they were sued because it didn’t assemble itself, you had to do it
b) Because it came with three extra pieces left over at the end, leading everyone to think they’d made a mistake putting it together
c) Because it came with the sexist instructions: ‘Easy to assemble, even if you’re a girl.’
d) Because they took a leaf out of Ikea’s book and named it ‘Vændiskona’… until a customer pointed out that was Icelandic for ‘prostitute’
15 What did Boris Johnson call Sir Keir Starmer, in his usual florid style?
a) ‘A tragic gambler putting Britain’s last crumpled fiver on the roulette table at the rigged casino of the global bond markets’
b) ‘The orange ball-chewing manacled gimp of Brussels’
c) ‘A urine-filled pothole on the neglected B-road to destitution’
d) ‘As reliable as using a Kleenex condom in a Bangkok brothel’
16 What was controversial about Mummy Pig giving birth to Evie, a sister for Peppa and George in Peppa Pig?
a) She opted for a caesarian
b) She did so in the £5,900-a-night Lindo Wing, in London, favoured by Royals, despite the Pig family having no obvious fortune
c) It was a covert move by Labour to soften voters up for
a relaxation of the two-child benefit cap
d) She refused to breastfeed… despite all those nipples
17 Turkey introduced a £50 fine for what breach of air travel etiquette?
a) Standing up while the plane’s still taxiing to the gate
b) Not stacking your tray after the security X-ray
c) Being barefoot on a flight
d) Using BOTH armrests
18 What did Jeremy Clarkson nickname a sexually rapacious pig?
a) The Notorious P.I.G.
b) Harvey Swinestein
c) Hamela Anderson
d) Andrew, Duke Of Pork
What did Jeremy Clarkson nickname a sexually rapacious pig?
19 What were Good Luck To You, Wings Of Fantasy and Big Into Energy?
a) Three economic strategies Rachel Reeves got the Treasury to model
b) Labubus, the stuffed-toy trend of the year
c) Episode titles of the Victoria Beckham documentary
d) Battery-powered devices available from Ann Summers
JUNE
20 What was the name of the band that shouted anti-semitic chants at Glastonbury?
a) Adam And The Antifas
b) Bob Vylan
c) Tears For Queers- For-Palestine
d) ‘Weird Halal’ Yankovic
21 Why were there plans to fill the canals of Venice with inflatable alligators?
a) To try to scare away the pigeons pooping on ancient piazzas
b) To protest against a cafe serving a cappuccino after 11am – the barbarity!
c) To protest about the lavish wedding of Amazon boss Jeff Bezos taking over the city
d) To protest about sewage discharge – the inflatables were dubbed ‘crocs of s***’
22 Why did Shadow Chancellor Mel Stride say Rachel Reeves is like tinfoil?
a) Because you’ll always find her around turkeys
b) Because she’s always covering things up
c) Because she’s ‘flimsy and ready to fold in the face of the slightest pressure’
d) Because if you see someone in a Rachel Reeves hat you know they’re a nutcase
23 What was the legal name of the defendant who appeared in court on Friday 13th charged with assault at Edinburgh’s Waverley Station?
a) Lucifer Of-Darkness
b) Judy Murray
c) Ce Yu Jimi
d) Punchy McPunchface
24 Who is, or are, Huntrix?
a) One of the TV Gladiators
b) The KPop Demon Hunters (ask a child!)
c) Elon Musk’s youngest daughter
d) Jeremy Hunt’s username on TikTok
JULY
25 What stopped play at Lord’s?
a) A mass brawl in the stands after a debate over whether Erapalli Prasanna or Srinivas Venkataraghavan was the best Indian off-spinner got out of hand
b) A cake brought on to the pitch to mark Ben Stokes’s birthday
c) A swarm of ladybirds
d) Just Stop Oil protester Jasper Montague-Beauchamp supergluing himself to an umpire
26 How did friends of Gregg Wallace attempt to explain away his exposing himself to colleagues?
a) A bee had flown into his jeans and he was trying to swat it away with a sock
b) His autism means he can’t wear underwear
c) He is blighted by Chronic Extrovert Penis Syndrome, which is definitely a real medically-recognised condition
d) The heat in the Masterchef kitchen caused his belt to expand and his trousers to fall down
How did friends of Gregg Wallace attempt to explain away his exposing himself to colleagues?
27 Who were Andy Byron and Kristin Cabot?
a) The couple caught in an illicit clinch on the ‘kiss-cam’ at a Coldplay gig
b) The people who stole a statue of Paddington from Newbury
c) Keir Starmer’s voice coaches – and, yes, it was a surprise he had them
d) They were the only two people to vote Labour in the Caerphilly by-election, where even the candidate forgot
28 Why was a Sydney Sweeney denim ad at the centre of controversy?
a) Because she flashed a ‘builder’s bum’ under the caption: ‘I’m a crack addict’
b) Because saying she had ‘great jeans’ was said to evoke a racist idea of genetic superiority
c) Because she put her pet dog in a denim jacket, making him look hot and uncomfortable
d) She was in ‘double denim’ – seen as cultural appropriation from the good people of Canada
Why was a Sydney Sweeney denim ad at the centre of controversy?
29 What did Wimbledon axe after 148 years?
a) The annual appearance by Cliff Richard
b) Line judges, replaced by tech
c) The score of ‘deuce’ – replaced by ‘Robinson’s Orange Deuce’ as part of a sponsorship tie-in
d) Nets, so it could proudly claim to be ‘Net Zero’
AUGUST
30 Which of these did NOT get converted into a St George’s Cross during Operation Raise The Colours to cover the country with flags?
a) The Westbury White Horse cut into a Wiltshire hill
b) A war memorial, disrespectfully
c) A snail
d) Ant & Dec’s large foreheads
31 How did children’s character Morph get embroiled in protest?
a) He became an icon of trans rights campaigners as he can literally transform into anything
b) Just Stop Oil activists glued him to the board at the PDC World Darts Championship
c) He featured on a ‘Plasticine Action’ T-shirt worn by a campaigner who wanted to make police targeting Palestine Action supporters look silly
d) He became the face of an ‘Orange Lives Matter’ movement against a new tax on fake tans
32 Why did Aalborg Zoo in Denmark court controversy?
a) It named a dung beetle after Nigel Farage
b) It asked for unwanted pets to feed to its animals
c) It made a baboon fight a badger on pay-per-view
d) It put penguins to work as waiters in its cafe
33 What very Scottish thing did Nicola Sturgeon reveal in her memoir?
a) That Sean Connery had given her voice coaching
b) That she could play the bagpipes
c) That she won’t eat a Mars bar unless it’s deep fried
d) That she really, really bore a grudge against the English
What very Scottish thing did Nicola Sturgeon reveal in her memoir?
34 What was being used to scare off wolves in Oregon?
a) Dialogue from a Scarlett Johansson film
b) A scarecrow-like figure with the face of Steve Buscemi
c) The real Steve Buscemi
d) Kim Kardashian’s latest scent, which smelled like grizzly bear pee
SEPTEMBER
35 Why did Pokemon clash with Donald Trump?
a) The president imposed a 79 per cent tariff on Poke Balls
b) The cartoon’s theme tune – Gotta Catch ‘Em All – was used in a controversial video showing ICE agents rounding up immigrants
c) Trump was offended by subliminal far-Right imagery concealed in the animation – there was not enough of it for his liking
d) Programme-makers angered the President with a new character that was a strange shade of orange, had tiny hands and often fell asleep – and called it ‘Trumpachu’
36 What name did Network Rail give to a new train that clears tracks?
a) Ctrl Alt Deleaf
b) David Ploughie
c) Leaf-Fall Weapon
d) The Branch Manager
37 Which of these was NOT one of GQ magazine’s rules for being a modern gentleman?
a) Take out your AirPods when you’re talking to someone
b) If their last name in your phone is still ‘Hinge’, it’s too early to exchange nudes
c) Don’t call yourself a ‘fintech entrepreneur’ if you spend your day in your underwear gambling on cryptocurrency
d) Wash your towels… way more often than you already do
38 When Zack Polanski was elected Green Party leader, what embarrassing story from his past emerged?
a) That he doesn’t like tofu
b) That he once tried to convince women he could enlarge their breasts using hypnotherapy
c) That he had once thrown away a battery in the recycling bin
d) That he once voted for Liz Truss
When Zack Polanski was elected Green Party leader, what embarrassing story from his past emerged?
OCTOBER
39 What spelling gaffe did the Tories make at their conference?
a) Announcing a new manifesto pledge to ‘Stop the goats’
b) Misspelling the country as ‘Britian’ on some merchandise
c) Billing Priti Patel as ‘Petty Prattle’
d) Unveiling their new slogan to ‘Put Education Furst’
40 How did Celia Imrie make headlines on Celebrity Traitors?
a) By adopting a dubious Swedish accent, for no obvious reason
b) By farting on camera (one trump the BBC did not edit!)
c) By concealing her eyes behind a 2ft fringe inspired by Claudia Winkleman
d) By criticising ‘national treasure’ Stephen Fry, griping that he was ‘not clever, just posh’
How did Celia Imrie make headlines on Celebrity Traitors?
41 Kim Kardashian released The Ultimate Bush this month. What was it?
a) A Bonsai tree
b) A guide to surviving Australia’s wilderness
c) A definitive biography of former President George W Bush
d) Underwear featuring fake pubic hair
42 What is an Enneagram 1?
a) A character in a Korean sci-fi animation… which Justice Minister David Lammy didn’t realise when he vowed to look into calls to ‘Free The Enneagram 1!’
b) A personality type: Gwyneth Paltrow is one, which she claimed explained her decision to quit smoking
c) A Jupiter probe cancelled by Nasa after Donald Trump said it was a ‘dumb ugly planet, some say the ugliest’
d) The first machine to send a telegram, in 1884, which came up for auction with its first message still intact. It read: ‘Send nudes’
43 What was revealed in the wake of the Louvre heist?
a) That the CCTV password turned out to be ‘LOUVRE’
b) The investigating officer was genuinely called Inspector Clouseau
c) The museum guards had three hours off for lunch every day, all at the same time
d) The ladder used in the robbery is now in a gallery itself
What was revealed in the wake of the Louvre heist?
NOVEMBER
44 Who is Angry Ginge?
a) Prince Harry’s rap name
b) Angela Rayner’s codename among protection officers
c) The YouTuber who won this year’s I’m A Celebrity
d) Video game character known for spreading the baffling ‘6-7’ meme among kids
45 What was Donald Trump given just weeks before relaxing tariffs on Switzerland?
a) Binding guarantees on security and economic co-operation
b) Freedom of the city of Dünnhäutiges… which isn’t a real place but German for ‘thin-skinned’
c) A priceless Rolex and a massive gold bar
d) The secret recipe for Toblerone
DECEMBER
46 What role did Jeremy Corbyn play in panto?
a) Grumpy
b) Very Red Riding Hood
c) The Wizard of Oz-lington
d) The back end of the cow, given that he’s full of s***
47 What was unusual about someone caught on CCTV fly-tipping in Essex?
a) That they arrived in a hearse, and had their rubbish in coffins
b) That they were dumping sackfuls of environmental enforcement notices, all of which they had previously ignored
c) That they were dumping sackfuls of trouser zips, so were literally ‘fly-tippers’
d) That they were dressed as a giant purple dinosaur
48 Which of these were NOT for sale in the Donald Trump gift store this Christmas?
a) A £62 Christmas tree bauble in the shape of a Make America Great Again baseball hat
b) A game of Venezuelan Battleships, in which you have to sink ‘narco-terrorist’ boats
c) A Mar-a-Lago Champaign Stopper – and, yes, the website did spell champagne like that
d) A corkscrew in the shape of a bald eagle
YEAR ROUND
49 Which of these pearls of wisdom did NOT come from Meghan in the past 12 months, but came from an AI bot we asked to produce a vacuous homily?
a) ‘There really is a lot of value to when you anchor into your own knowing’
b) ‘There are easy ways to show up lovingly’
c) ‘It’s a year of learns’
d) ‘Family is about showing
up authentically, in your truth, and creating space for the light that lives within each of us to shine together’
Which of these pearls of wisdom did NOT come from Meghan in the past 12 months, but came from an AI bot we asked to produce a vacuous homily?
50 What was taxpayers’ money NOT spent on in 2025?
a) Research on ‘decolonising’ the Welsh cake
b) Investigating gender queerness in the straight-snout weevil population
c) Making a crochet blanket ‘of worm-like, phallic forms’ as part of a scholarship into ‘encountering otherness through contact improvisation’
d) Improving the health of shrimps in Bangladesh
The Answers
1 A, 2 A, 3 B, 4 C, 5 C, 6 B, 7 B, 8 A, 9 C, 10 A, 11 A, 12 A, 13 C, 14 C, 15 B, 16 B, 17 A, 18 B, 19 B, 20 B, 21 C, 22 C, 23 A, 24 B, 25 C, 26 B, 27 A, 28 B, 29 B, 30 D, 31 C, 32 B, 33 A, 34 A, 35 B, 36 A, 37 C, 38 B, 39 B, 40 B, 41 D, 42 B, 43 A, 44 C, 45 C, 46 C, 47 D, 48 B, 49 D, 50 B.
How did you do?
40-50: Nothing escapes you! You are the very opposite of a Prison Service employee.
30-39: Fantastic… You deserved to be showered with the sort of gushing praise rarely seen outside of a Sarah Ferguson email to Jeffry Epstein.
20-29: Mediocre. But if you thought that was taxing, wait till you see your next HMRC bill.
10-19: Acceptable. But only if you edit your score as misleadingly as the BBC edits a Donald Trump speech.
9 or less: Wow! You must be the only person in Britain who would lose a game of Trivial Pursuit to David Lammy .
