Don’t look now, but American politics just took another turn around the stained porcelain pot.
Get ready for… the Nepo Baby Primary!
New York Congressman Jerry Nadler, aka Rep. Eric Cartman, announced this week that he will not seek re-election in the 12th district, opening the way for the bleakest race in modern history.
One potential candidate happily stoking his own whisper campaign is Kennedy scion and well-documented wacko Jack Schlossberg (aka JFK’s ‘only grandson’ – that we know of).
He told the New York Times that a run for him is ‘certainly a possibility.’
This 32-year-old nutcase has posted bizarre sex jokes involving his late grandmother Jackie Kennedy Onassis and launched misogynistic tirades against a slew of women, including Megyn Kelly and his own aunt Cheryl Hines.
Somewhere, Anthony Weiner is wondering, ‘Maybe, I can make a comeback?’
But brace yourself for the real whopper, Schloss-fiend’s possible opponent is rumored to be none other than the mind-numbingly dull Chelsea Clinton, 45, daughter of randy Bill and frigid Hill.
Schloss-fiend’s possible opponent is rumored to be none other than the mind-numbingly dull Chelsea Clinton (pictured), daughter of randy Bill and frigid Hill
One potential candidate happily stoking his own whisper campaign is Kennedy scion and well-documented wacko Jack Schlossberg (pictured)
Her only qualification for office is her last name.
Chelsea lived in a sheltered young life in the White House and now she barely pokes her head outside of her lavish $10 million boutique condominium in lower Manhattan.
Well, at least she lives in New York State.
Her carpetbagging mom Hillary Rodham was born in Illinois, educated in Massachusetts and Connecticut and lived most of her adult life in Arkansas and Washington, DC, before she became a New York Senator in 2000.
Chelsea boasts a resume of coasting on her parents’ coattails – straight from a bachelor’s at Stanford to a master’s from Oxford, to consulting firm McKinsey and then one of the biggest hedge funds in the world.
Apparently, that wasn’t enough for silver-spoon Chelsea, so in 2011, she got a job at mommy and daddy’s nonprofit, the Clinton Foundation, where she now serves as the Vice Chair.
Did I mention that she is also a children’s book author who briefly moonlighted as an NBC correspondent making $600,000 a year?
And if her resumé doesn’t bore people to tears, her stump speeches will. She may have inherited her dad’s brain, but she unfortunately has her mother’s charisma.
Indeed, an unnamed spokesperson has denied Chelsea has any designs on Nadler’s prodigious seat. Though, I don’t buy that. Denial runs in the Clintons’ DNA.
Far-fetched you say? Not so fast.
‘She’s probably got a shot if she wants it,’ a well-placed New York political insider told the Daily Mail on Wednesday.
It’s true. She’d be a shoe-in.
So far, her competition supposedly includes one hit wonder actress-turned-socialist activist Cynthia Nixon and fixer-turned-felon Michael Cohen.
New York Congressman Jerry Nadler (pictured) announced this week that he will not seek re-election in the 12th district, opening the way for the bleakest race in modern history
Chelsea’s only qualification for office is her last name. (Pictured right with her parents Hillary and Bill in 2022)
God help me.
Is it really that bad to move to Canada?
After all, cheese curds are gluten-free.
Imagine Congresslady Chelsea Clinton and Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s joint victory party. I wouldn’t know what to wear: a pantsuit or a keffiyeh?
But to be fair, they would be representing their kind of people.
Nadler’s district encompasses the neighborhoods inhabited by the most snobbish Manhattanites – Chelsea, the Upper West Side and Carnegie Hill (though it stops short of Harlem, phew!).
So, get out while you can, folks!
I’m already packing my bags.
Maybe Rosie O’Donnell has room in Ireland?
Kickstart His Heart
Speaking of the Clintons, Bill and Hill were spotted boarding a private plane in the Hamptons ahead of Labor Day weekend… with a defibrillator!
Bill likely needed it to restart his heart after seeing HRC’s hideous outfit – a frumpy sweater pulled over her purple pantsuit.
Bill and Hill were spotted boarding a private plane in the Hamptons ahead of Labor Day weekend… with a defibrillator!
Wrong foot
After weeks of torturing Instagram with her hideous salsa moves, it was confirmed that Alec Baldwin’s fake Spanish wife Hilaria will appear on this season of Dancing With The Stars.
Give us a break, Hillary from Boston.
You should be doing an Irish jig.
After weeks of torturing Instagram with her hideous Salsa moves, it was confirmed that Alec Baldwin’s fake Spanish wife Hilaria will appear on this season of Dancing With The Stars
We don’t need no education
Kim Kardashian made a boob of herself on Tuesday when she said homework for grade schoolers should be banned.
It’s not surprising considering the woman built her career on a sex tape.
But frankly, I agree. We’ve found Trump’s next executive order!
Seeing double
Close-cropped brunette Ellen DeGeneres, 67, posted a photo on Instagram alongside her big brother Vance, 71.
By ‘big brother,’ I mean he’s older and taller.
Other than that, these two look identical!
Close-cropped brunette Ellen DeGeneres, 67, posted a photo on Instagram alongside her big brother Vance, 71
Food for thought
The LA grocery store Erewhon is coming to the Big Apple. Unfortunately, you’ll have to belong to a $43,000-a-year, members-only club to access the shop.
For that price, they better sell Botox in the freezer aisle and breast implants alongside the chicken cutlets.
Clumsy Coldplay
After outing a cheating couple on the jumbotron in July, Coldplay’s Chris Martin pulled two young female fans onstage and outed them as – gasp – Israelis.
When the idiots in attendance booed, Coldfish Chris awkwardly assuaged the horde by saying to the girls, ‘We are treating you as equal humans on earth, regardless of where you come from.’
Moral of the story – never go to a Coldplay concert.
When the idiots in attendance booed, Coldfish Chris awkwardly assuaged the horde by saying to the girls, ‘We are treating you as equal humans on earth, regardless of where you come from’
Tears from a stone
The Rock got a 15-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival – which is like getting a paper crown with your Happy Meal.
Everyone gets one!
He even started crying… it was his best acting yet.
