To call the latest Jeffrey Epstein file dump a dud is a bit of an insult to duds.
The makers of “Waterworld” and “Ishtar” probably sent the D.C. lawmakers who pushed for it a bouquet of flowers along with their condolences. Meanwhile, the people behind “E.T.: The Video Game” for the Atari 2600 are probably thanking their lucky stars that, after 43 years, they’re no longer responsible for the biggest anticlimax associated with the Christmas season. That’s how much of a non-event this whole thing was.
Aside from a few pictures with blacked-out faces which proved nothing except for the fact that Bill Gates posed next to a woman of any age is inherently awkward, what did it demonstrate? Little about the potential depredations of the world’s elite power brokers, and nothing about the one power broker in particular — President Donald Trump — that was the sole reason the left was pursuing this file dump with the feverish intensity of a parent trying to score a Tickle Me Elmo doll on Christmas Eve 1996.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t pretend there was indeed something tawdry and incriminating buried in there if you’re a lefty influencer thirsty for some hits. In that vein, I give you Brian Krassenstein, a man I’m somewhat shocked and saddened I’m still talking about in the year of our Lord 2025.
On Tuesday, Krassenstein — one of the brothers who rose to fame by simply responding to Donald Trump’s tweets — had some “MASSIVE BREAKING” news from the Epstein data dump.
“Data Set 8 of the Epstein Files show that a victim stated that Trump and Epstein raped her, and that a Limo driver heard Trump in the back speaking to ‘Jeffrey’ about ‘abusing girls,’” he wrote.
“The victim then ‘committed suicide’ in January of 2000 after reporting the incident. Police didn’t believe it was suicide. Share this everywhere!”
The post on X included an image of the 2020 FBI intake interview with the source’s name blacked out, who told authorities that he’d driven Trump to Dallas Fort Worth Airport in 1995 and “noted Trump continuously stated the name ‘Jeffrey’ while on the phone, and made references to ‘abusing some girl.’”
The driver “was unsure who he was talking to nor who he was referencing. As [redacted] talked about his time meeting Donald Trump, [redacted] immediately [redacted] demeanor went ‘stone cold’ as [redacted] stated ‘he raped me.’
“[Redacted] said ‘what’ as [redacted] replied ‘Donald J. Trump had raped her along with Jeffrey Epstein.’ [Redacted] noted some girl with a funny name [Ghislaine Maxwell] ‘took me to a fancy hotel or building, that’s how it happened.’”
MASSIVE BREAKING: Data Set 8 of the Epstein Files show that a victim stated that Trump and Epstein raped her, and that a Limo driver heard Trump in the back speaking to “Jeffrey” about “abusing girls”.
The victim then “committed suicide” in January of 2000 after reporting the… pic.twitter.com/imHkVqSJ4G
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 23, 2025
Wow. Share this everywhere! America needs to know. Also, do share everywhere the fact that this same source told the FBI that an employee of Hillary Clinton’s tried to set him up for bombing the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995!
From later in the intake document, which Krassenstein didn’t bother including in his “MASSIVE BREAKING” post:
Note: During [redacted] report he mentioned John Doe No. 2 was actually John W. Nichols, date of birth [redacted], [redacted] who tried to originally set [redacted] up for the bombing in Oklahoma City. Nichols worked security for Bill and Hillary Clinton as [redacted] ate at a place where Nichols worked security at the door. Hillary walked up to [redacted] drunk and begin [sic] yelling as they asked [redacted] to leave and fired Nichols, which led Nichols to attempt to set up [redacted] for the bombing.
If this is believable, this is a much bigger scoop than any half-heard phone conversation in the back of a limousine sometime during 1995 involving a guy named “Jeffrey.” Here’s where the “Arrested Development” narrative voiceover should intercede: “It is not, even in the slightest way, believable.”
In fact, the only part of this entire document I might believe is that Hillary had a tipple or three, which she is known to enjoy. Everything else reeks of arrant conspiracy theorizing so ludicrous that it would crack up the ghost of Art Bell. What, no claim that Martians told him where Jimmy Hoffa is buried? I’m disappointed. And, apart from the fatuity, there’s also the threadbare nature of the claims being made.
Assume that any of the Trump-adjacent stuff this nutcase described actually happened — a big ask, since it’s statistically more likely that Malaysia Airlines 370 is serving as a private jet for John F. Kennedy and Elvis Presley at their shared compound on the lost continent of Atlantis. What, precisely, does that prove?
First, he heard a bunch of uncorroborated stuff 25 years ago during a limousine ride with Trump in which he was the driver. From what we can tell from the document (the parts that weren’t redacted, anyhow), this gentleman was subject to one side of a phone conversation and then hearsay from a source who committed suicide (or “committed suicide”) years later. He has no concrete evidence for any of this. He also claims that the Clintons tried to frame him for the Oklahoma City bombing.
So, everyone involved, none of whom have any credibility, said a bunch of stuff a quarter of a century before it was reported. Share this everywhere!
Oh, and I buried the lede way, way down here, too: Not only did this wacko not bother reporting his Trump-Epstein claim for 25 years, he decided to report it less than a week before the 2020 election. What felicitous timing to suddenly decide to drop this very pertinent information! Just in case you needed one last reason not to trust this bedlam escapee, as Brian Krassenstein should not have were he a bit less desperate.
A dud is a dud is a dud. The Epstein case is an American tragedy, but after nearly a decade of trying to connect him to Donald Trump, this is basically the best his enemies could accomplish out of the latest document dump. One can only hope with this pseudoscandal, amplified by one of the left’s most principle-proof influencers, we have reached the point of diminishing returns when it comes to the search for the nonexistent key to all Trump-Epstein mythologies.
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