A study has revealed the most common way people end relationships – with one method proving extremely popular.
The investigation, commissioned by researchers in Cyprus, explored how people go about ending romantic relationships, as published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.
Researchers identified 45 specific breakup behaviours and grouped them into three main strategies, according to PsyPost – with the results revealing that most people aim to let their partners down as gently as possible.
The study, led by Professor Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia, examined the breakup habits of Greek-speaking adults and looked at whether personality traits played a role in how people choose to end things.
‘Most people will experience the end of an intimate relationship, usually several times, with either themselves or their partners initiating it,’ Apostolou said.
‘Because this phenomenon is relatively common and painful, I was motivated to ask how people actually do so, which the current research aimed to address.’
The first of two studies involved 228 adults – 122 women and 105 men – who were asked to imagine themselves in an unhappy relationship and describe how they would end it.
New research has revealed the ways in which people break up with one another, and one strategy dominates 86 per cent of adults
The second study surveyed 392 people – 185 women, 201 men, two identifying as ‘other’ and four who preferred not to say.
These participants, with an average age of around 30-34, rated how likely they were to use each of the 45 breakup methods.
From this, the researchers identified nine specific breakup strategies, including:
‘Explain the reasons’ – offering a direct and honest conversation
‘Cold and distant’ – gradually withdrawing from the relationship
‘Ghosting’ – disappearing without explanation
‘Take the blame’ – ending things while accepting responsibility
‘Have been unfaithful’ – citing infidelity or interest in someone else
‘Take some time off’ – requesting a temporary break
‘See you as a friend’ – suggesting a platonic connection
‘We’d be better off apart’ – saying the breakup is in both partners’ interests
‘Avoid ending it face to face’ – using texts, calls or social media
By far the most popular method, ‘soften the blow’ was used by the overwhelming majority of participants, while the least common methods involved avoidance
These nine specific approaches were then grouped into three overarching strategies.
1. Soften the Blow – 86 per cent
By far the most popular method, ‘soften the blow’ was used by the overwhelming majority of participants.
This strategy involves being honest and considerate – giving reasons, accepting blame and framing the breakup as a decision that benefits both partners.
For many, it reflects a desire to reduce pain and conflict in an already difficult situation.
2. Take a Break – 24 per cent
A smaller but still significant portion of participants preferred a less final approach.
This group opted to take a temporary pause in the relationship, giving both parties space to reflect on their feelings and decide whether to continue.
Apostolou described this approach as the second most preferred strategy, ‘where individuals express a desire for a temporary separation to reassess feelings.’
3. Avoid Confrontation – 16 per cent
The least common breakup method involved avoidance – either by ghosting, gradually disappearing or becoming emotionally distant until the relationship fades out.
This group may avoid direct conflict but risk leaving their partners confused and hurt by the lack of closure.
‘People employ three main strategies to end an intimate relationship,’ Apostolou told PsyPost.
‘The most preferred one is “soften the blow,” involving explaining the breakup reasons, taking responsibility and convincing the partner that separation is beneficial for both.
‘The second most preferred one is “take a break”, where individuals express a desire for a temporary separation to reassess feelings. “Avoid confrontation”, involving gradually fading away or disappearing without explanation, is the least preferred strategy.’
The study was led by Professor Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia (pictured) and found that personality made little difference in how people chose to end relationships
People with higher levels of agreeableness, often described as kind and considerate, were less likely to opt for the ‘cold and distant’ strategy. Meanwhile, those who scored higher in Machiavellianism, a trait associated with manipulation, were more likely to take that approach.
Participants with higher levels of psychopathy were more likely to blame their partner for the breakup, consistent with the impulsivity and lack of empathy linked to that trait.
But overall, the researchers found that gender, age and personality made little difference in how people chose to end relationships. Apostolou admitted he had expected to see clearer differences, but said they were ‘very small or inexistent’.
The findings suggest that cultural and evolutionary factors may play a bigger role than personality in shaping how people break up.
Humans have depend on social bonds for survival and reproduction and, in ancestral environments, ending a relationship could have had serious consequences. Using strategies that reduce conflict and maintain reputation may have helped people move on more successfully.
‘The phenomenon is complex,’ Apostolou said. ‘A single piece of research gives only a general idea about how people end an intimate relationship.
‘My ultimate objective is to understand how intimate relationships work. An important step in this direction is to understand the interactions between intimate partners, and the present research falls within this objective.’
The study, titled Soften the blow, avoid confrontation, take a break: Three strategies that people use to terminate an intimate relationship, was authored by Menelaos Apostolou and Antonios Kagialis.
