There are many practical – and constitutional – reasons why it makes sense for the Palace to explore a rapprochement with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
As A. N. Wilson argued so cogently in yesterday’s Daily Mail, ‘fractured dynasties do not survive’, and when the crown eventually passes to Prince William, it would be infinitely better if Harry and Meghan were inside the tent rather than on the outside causing mayhem.
But there are multiple aspects to this royal saga, and the real difficulty – for everyone concerned – is going to be separating the personal from the public.
The late Queen, of course, was brilliant at this.
In many ways, it was the secret of her remarkable success as monarch, and one of the main reasons she left the institution in such good nick, despite all the setbacks she faced during her long reign.
Like many of her generation, she was good at compartmentalising: she set boundaries and stuck to them.
It wasn’t that she didn’t feel things deeply; indeed, she was a highly sensitive woman. It’s just that she understood when to put her emotions to one side, and did her utmost not to let them cloud her judgment. The same cannot be said of her children and grandchildren.
At 76, Charles may now be the very personification of royal respectability, but as a prince he was, to put it bluntly, a hot mess.
Charles may have matured into a wise and thoughtful monarch but when he was the same age as Prince Harry (now 40), he was still working through an awful lot of stuff, writes Sarah Vine
No one likes to mention it any more because, well, he’s the King, but in his day he arguably inflicted as much damage – if not more – on the reputation of the Royal Family as his younger son has in recent years.
Charles in the 1990s and 2000s did not exactly cover himself in glory.
There was his flagrant infidelity (including that unfortunate telephone conversation in which he expressed a desire to be reincarnated as a sanitary product); his infamous, meddling ‘black spider’ letters to ministers and others; and his frankly cruel treatment of Princess Diana, who had been little more than a child when he married her.
He may have matured into a wise and thoughtful monarch – and, yes, Camilla has worked tirelessly to earn the love and respect of the British people. But when King Charles was the same age as Prince Harry (now 40), he was still working through an awful lot of stuff.
If one were to believe in karma, as the King reputedly does, you might say Prince Harry is working through his own ‘stuff’, too – only, in many ways, what he has to deal with is harder than anything Charles ever faced.
As mere boys, both Harry and William suffered a deep trauma with the sudden death of their mother – and with the eyes of the world fixed upon them. It was inevitable that sooner or later all that, and much else, would come out in the wash.
I don’t say this by way of justifying Harry’s recent behaviour, or the agonies he has put his family through.
But it does explain a lot of his inner rage and resentment, particularly towards his father and stepmother.
When they were both boys, William was famously protective of his younger sibling, while also dealing with his own loss
Kate has, quite simply, been William’s strength and stay
Sadly, the Duchess of Sussex seems to have had the opposite effect on Prince Harry
These are complex, deep-seated emotional wounds that may well take a lifetime to heal, if they ever will.
That’s why, fundamentally, taking steps to welcome the wayward duke back into the family is the right thing. When someone is in as much pain as Harry clearly is, they lash out at anyone within reach, especially those tied to them by blood.
But if you can grab them and hold them to your heart, show them the love and understanding they need, soothe their hurt with the balm of forgiveness, you can perhaps help them begin to move forwards.
Having been there myself, I know it’s not an easy process, and it requires a lot of compromise – which can be very hard when terrible things have been said and done. Both sides must be able to let go with love. And that’s a big ask.
It’s an especially big one for the other key player in this family drama: Prince William.
He is arguably the real injured party for the simple reason that, while some of Harry’s anger towards his father may be justified because of what happened with his late mother, he has no earthly right to resent his brother – or, for that matter, his poor sister-in-law.
The Prince of Wales is just as scarred as Prince Harry – possibly more so since, when they were both boys, William was famously protective of his younger sibling, while also dealing with his own loss.
That’s what makes Harry’s treatment of William and Kate so painful – and so hard to forgive.
And yet William has it in him, I’m sure, for the simple reason that, like his late grandmother, he does understand how to marshal his emotions.
Instead of indulging his pain, feeding off it even, as Harry has done, he seems to have mastered it, channelling it into his royal roles and his family.
Then again, he had slightly better luck – or judgment – than his brother, in that he had the good sense to marry the Princess of Wales.
Without her stabilising and steadfast presence, who knows where he might be? As the late Queen said of Prince Philip, Kate has, quite simply, been William’s strength and stay.
Which is possibly why he is so furious with his brother for all that he has said and done to undermine her, especially given her cancer diagnosis.
Sadly, the Duchess of Sussex seems to have had the opposite effect on Prince Harry.
Instead of helping him heal his emotional wounds, she seems to have re-opened them – or even rubbed salt in them, some might say.
Instead of encouraging him to shape his own identity within the Royal Family, she has helped him turn his back on it. Which might have been fine if together they had embarked on something truly life-affirming. But they didn’t.
They’ve walked away, but they keep looking over their shoulders. They are obsessed with the very thing they supposedly hate, and that’s never a good frame of mind to be in.
Every venture the duke and duchess have undertaken since their departure has revolved around their royal status.
Just look how Meghan reminded viewers on her Netflix series that she’s ‘Sussex now’ – so blinded by her own ambition that she can’t even see how contradictory that sounds.
Meghan, you left to get away from the Royal Family, yet you can’t stop talking about how royal you are. That’s not ‘freedom’, it’s a fixation.
As for Harry, he’s learned an important life lesson: you can’t outrun your demons.
If you are miserable, you will be miserable wherever you go, whether it’s a cottage on the Windsor estate or a mansion in Montecito.
But at least at Windsor he was at home, with a clearly defined role, in a land whose people liked and understood him. Now he’s lost and rudderless, with no obvious employment other than that of walker to his rather pushy wife.
Whatever happens, the King and the Prince of Wales must proceed with caution.
Trust and respect are fragile commodities: easily broken and hard to mend.
The rift between Harry and his family may never quite be closed, but if all parties can take a leaf out of the late Queen’s book and set aside their emotions and differences for the greater good, then maybe, over time, the wounds will start to heal.
