Reflecting on making his half century, Leonardo DiCaprio tells Esquire magazine he doesn’t feel 50 but 32.
One can imagine him parroting that well-used, older-man gag: ‘You’re only as old as the woman you feel.’ Which fits Leo to a tee – his current girlfriend, the exquisitely beautiful and slender Italian model Vittoria Ceretti, is 27.
Yes he’s lost weight in the past few years after he ballooned into a bloke with a beer belly and unflattering man boobs in desperate need of Wegovy. But does he really think Vittoria looks at her 50-year-old boyfriend, with his still flabby tummy, as a young man?
I doubt it, although dating a multi-millionaire Hollywood actor can blur even the fittest young woman’s perfect 20:20 vision.
In his last movie, Killers Of The Flower Moon, Leo looked 70, not 50. If we’re charitable we could say that was down to make-up.
But who does he think he’s kidding saying he feels 20 years younger? Why do so many men regress into adolescents when they reach 50 and become delusional about how they appear? So many women have to put up with the ludicrous partner who hits a milestone age and starts wearing lycra – not to the gym but to a cafe for Sunday brunch.
Although we girls might befriend Mr Botox, most of us in middle age are aware we’re getting older. We realise those hot yoga leggings are not so hot any more. We adjust to the new reality and find that what makes us feel young again is a loving relationship with a man who is not in age denial.
Leo should learn from his friend Brad Pitt, who’s ten years older than him but looks 20 years younger. Or effortless George Clooney, now 64 and still gorgeous. Grown-up men recognise the inevitable ticking of time.
But not Leo – he’s a man-child who just can’t age with grace.
Taylor-made bra
A bit of a shock for fans as wholesome Taylor Swift releases her new album cover The Life Of A Showgirl, nearly naked, in chainmail and revealing her side boobs. Also disappointing as the once unique star now resembles any identikit female singer – think Rihanna, Ariana Grande, Shakira, Beyonce, J-Lo, et al.
Although at least there is a modesty panel sewn in underneath the bondage bra – she lists sewing as one of her hobbies, after all.
Hero of VJ Day
Commemorations for VJ Day reminded me of my schoolfriend’s Dad, one of the lucky survivors of the brutal Burma Railway.
A lovely man who migrated to Perth in Australia after the war, he raised a family of four, built his own home from the ground up as well as those of other Brit immigrants, and held no bitterness.
Although he couldn’t go to funerals as he’d had to burn so many of his friends’ bodies in the camps. And to his last day, he never ate rice.
Katie Price and Peter Andre’s daughter Princess
A review of TV’s The Princess Diaries, starring Katie Price and Peter Andre’s daughter Princess, said it was two hours before the first reveal, that Princess ‘like, actually loves the smell of, like, horse manure’.
Followed by the moment when, trying to video-call her mum, she tells viewers: ‘She’s actually on holiday in Dubai and she had her boobs out.
‘Oh my God, she’s so unpredictable.’
Proof that being a nepo baby is no protection from being as thick as… horse s***.
Bad news for the Save Sean Bean Club, as he’s set for another untimely death – this time as the Sheriff of Nottingham in a ten-part TV series.
It brings the number of times he’s died in films or on TV to at least 27.
I think he was last killed in the BBC series This City Is Ours and after seeing him in the local pub a few times, I can confirm that his brushes with mortality have taken their toll.
Ellie is my cha-cha champion!
Love Island’s Dani Dyer is the bookies’ favourite to win Strictly, despite confessing in her memoirs that she had dance lessons at theatre school from two to 14. As we fans know, the best dancer rarely wins and we never vote for a secret pro.
My bet is on model Ellie Goldstein, the first dancer with Down’s syndrome – so full of joy at just taking part she is truly intoxicating.
Westminster wars
- How nauseating that Keir Starmer parades himself as a leader of the ‘Coalition of the Willing’ to end the Russian invasion of Ukraine when he can’t stop the invasion of a record 50,000 illegal boat migrants who’ve come to the UK since he came to power.
- On his trip to Britain, US Vice-President JD Vance privately met top Tory politicians Robert Jenrick, Chris Philp and Laura Trott. He even met Nigel Farage – but not Conservative Party leader Kemi Badenoch. Perhaps because even he realises she’s unlikely to be leader next time he visits.
Mum’s pud was chickenfeed
English Heritage says home-made puddings are ‘on the verge of extinction’ as only one in 50 homes enjoys one daily. Crikey, I’d have been glad of one homemade pud growing up. Mum’s Instant Lemon Meringue Pie, came in four sachets in a box. It was disgusting but loved by our chooks – where we kids chucked it.
Ahead of her first appearance this weekend as one of the three hosts of the BBC’s flagship footy show Match Of The Day, Kelly Cates says: ‘I don’t want to be Gary’, referring to Gary Lineker who hosted the hit show for 26 years. No chance of that love as you’ve never played professional football – unlike Lineker who was one of the greatest goal scorers of all time, captained England and got 80 caps.
My moggie Ted was alarmed to read cat’s brains are used by scientists to detect signs of dementia in humans. Until I reassured him the cats were dead. Ted’s 14 and I feared he was showing signs of cat Alzheimer’s – yes, I Googled it – meowing at midnight for attention, jumping on my head at dawn. Then I reassured myself he’s always been like that.
Fabulous that former Olympic swimming heroine Sharron Davies is set to become a Conservative peer – even though she’s now more famous for taking on the terrifying trans lobby and fighting for fairness in all sports for women and girls. Our Sharron’s voice will become even more powerful now she’s draped in ermine.
How apt that celebrity featherweights Brooklyn and Nicola Peltz Beckham chose an elaborate ‘butterfly theme’ for the renewal of their wedding vows. Butterflies live an average of two to four weeks – before they plummet to Earth.
