With each week he finds a different excuse, a different petty evasion, and with each week the whole business of PMQs becomes less prime ministerial and more childish.
This week’s ruse was a corker. Sir Keir Starmer, supposed head of our government, was asked if he would approve drilling licences for two oil and gas fields in the North Sea.
There is, after all, an energy crisis. Two new energy fields, with all the attendant jobs and investment, could solve some of the country’s problems. But Sir Keir claimed that the matter was beyond his reach. His answer, in so many words, was, ‘you’ll have to ask Ed Miliband’.
Energy Secretary Miliband, alas, was not present for this session of PMQs. He seldom comes. Too busy running the country.
Kemi Badenoch, who had asked the question, tried to boost Sir Keir’s confidence. She reminded him that he, Sir K. Starmer, was PM. He was the one in charge. Sir Keir, however, was not having it. He was most insistent on the matter. He did not have the power to tell Mr Miliband what to do.
‘Legislation has been passed,’ he explained lawyerishly.
The other development to note is that Sir Ed Davey, leader of the Lib Dems, nakedly aligned himself with Labour, writes Quentin Letts
Again, Sir Keir Starmer repeatedly slipped into clunky riffs that had nothing to do with the questions he had been asked.
‘It’s absolutely clear that the quasi-judicial duty under legislation rests with the Secretary of State. I really think she needs to read the legislation.’ It was, in a way, ingenious. We all know that he hates to make a decision.
Some of us, in recent months, may uncharitably have concluded that he is one of life’s shrivellers, unwilling to say what he believes.
But here was perfect justification for sitting on that fence: he was legally prevented from doing otherwise. Dame Statute herself insisted upon it!
The truth of politics – namely, that ministers will do what No 10 wants – was ignored.
Cabinet ministers on the front bench listened to Sir Keir’s novel argument and tilted their heads like connoisseurs listening to a new viola concerto. This abandonment of prime ministerial power was remarkable.
Sir Keir, the man who wants to hand the Chagos Islands to Mauritius, was now surrendering his own political title deeds to snorker Miliband.
The warping of PMQs, so increasingly blatant in recent weeks, continued. Again he repeatedly slipped into clunky riffs that had nothing to do with the questions he had been asked.
He kept mentioning, and misrepresenting, his opponents’ positions on the war. He repeated himself. He seemed unhealthily obsessed with Mrs Badenoch and Nigel Farage.
Just before a scheduled question from Farage there was again an ornate tee-up from an obedient Labour MP, so that Sir Keir could attack the Reform leader seconds before he was called by the Speaker. This time the tee-up was about crypto-currency political donations. Sir Keir thought his ruse tremendously funny.
So did Rachel Reeves, who tinkled with laughter and laid her head on his left shoulder. Mr Farage duly stood to Labour jeers. Jings, it all felt juvenile.
Mr Farage asked about the small boats. Sir Keir ignored the topic and just served up abuse. He accused Mr Farage of being a warmonger, of being indecisive, of lacking seriousness and of being ‘an absolute disgrace’.
Mr Farage took the hump and said to his MPs ‘right, let’s go’, and the Reform contingent stomped out en masse, little Robert Jenrick flicking the House a hand gesture as he followed his leader out of the chamber.
Labour backbenchers roared their amusement at this petulance from Reform. Sir Keir delighted himself further by claiming, in a reply about snooker, that he had, ho ho, ‘snookered’ the Farageistes. Like many dullards, he loves to laugh at his own jokes.
The other development to note is that Sir Ed Davey, leader of the Lib Dems, nakedly aligned himself with Labour.
‘Stop sucking up, Ed,’ shouted Mrs Badenoch. Sir Keir smiled indulgently at Sir Ed. Sir Ed stared right back at him with eggy eyes. It was a moment that needed the purple pen of the late Dame Barbara Cartland to do it justice.
