When I became single at 61, lots of people told me how ‘brave’ I was to take that step, particularly ‘at my age’. They seemed surprised that I’d chosen to be single as a midlife woman but, in fact, I’ve found that dating in your 60s can be enormous fun.
I was married to my ex-husband for 31 years. I loved him but having met when I was 23 and he was 26, we developed into different people with different interests and goals.
We decided to part ways amicably, appreciating with huge gratitude what we had had together, particularly our son and daughter who are now grown up, but recognising that we wanted different futures.
I’ve had many adventures in my career in retail – having launched George at Asda and held senior roles at major brands including Jaeger at M&S, Next, Dunelm and River Island – but I wanted some more in my personal life too.
And I am not alone. Twenty-five per cent of divorces happen in couples over 50, with two-thirds of these initiated by women.
We are living longer and don’t want to compromise on our happiness for the rest of our lives.
But I’d be lying if I said that a part of me wasn’t absolutely terrified to re-enter the dating pool. My head was full of anxious questions:
Would I be seen as too old to date?
Which were the best dating apps for me?
How could I sort the wheat from the chaff?
Fiona Lambert was full of anxious questions before she re-entered the world of dating
It sounds like a minefield, right? Boy, how different the world of dating was from when I met my former husband in the mid-eighties.
But never one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to plunge straight in and road-test the online dating experience on behalf of my fellow newly-divorced midlifers. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.
In the interests of research, I’ve spent the last year trying all the apps – from the dreaded Tinder to warmer Bumble to the app for the affluent, Millionaire Match – and going on a variety of dates.
I met over-enthusiastic toy boys, sleek silver foxes and 46-year-olds who still lived with their mum.
At the moment, I’m still single, and very happy. Whether I end up in a relationship or not, what I’ve discovered is that 40, 50, 60 or 70 is no barrier to getting back on the dating scene.
Here I reveal what it’s really like being a single woman in her 60s and give my ultimate guide to modern midlife dating – from what to put on your dating profile, to the new lingo to learn and the red flags to run a mile from.
SHOULD YOU LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE?
I was told by lots of friends to lie about my age because many men see 60 as a ceiling they won’t go beyond. ‘You don’t look your age, after all,’ friends insisted.
On my first dating app profile, I followed their advice and told a white lie and said I was 55, six years younger.
When I went on dates, though, I quickly revealed my real age, not wanting to lie in person, and it made no difference to the men.
I felt so much better being honest and so I corrected my age on the app.
Putting her real age on her dating profile – after being advised to lie about it by friends – made no difference in the quality of men Fiona matched with
It made no difference to the quality of men who matched with me. As for the age I wanted to meet, I started off setting my filters to 47 to 58.
For me, older men tend to have lost a certain vitality and enthusiasm for life, whereas men in their 40s and 50s still very much retain those things.
What I wasn’t expecting was to find so many men in their mid-20s lying on the apps about their ages – saying, for example, they were late 40s – so that the algorithm paired them with older women.
Ten times in my year-long experiment I was matched with men younger than my 29-year-old son – a fact I only learned when we started to chat. Either they would quickly confess or my gut instinct would prompt me to ask their age directly (it can be hard to tell age from photos, either because they’re blurry or use filters).
Older women, it turns out, are highly attractive to some younger men, though I don’t want to date in that much younger age bracket.
PROFILE DOS AND DON’TS
I asked male friends what they would like to see from women in terms of photos on their dating profiles, and here is their wishlist for the perfect set:
- Show yourself smiling
- Include one full length photo
- Don’t use filters
- Make sure they’re solo shots
- Use recent photos
You’d be amazed how many pictures of men feature fish, bikes, motorbikes, heart memes (yes, really) and mates with beers. Few of these ever got anywhere near a date with me.
Other intriguing gambits in male profiles include cropped photos that show only a torso. Watch out, as these faceless men are more often than not married. Some are upfront about it in their bios (‘to be clear, I am not single’), which at least has the virtue of honesty.
I did once connect with a married man – I didn’t know when I swiped on him – and when it became clear in our chat, I asked if his wife knew what he was doing. ‘Nooo. She’d kill me,’ he said. I swiftly shut that chat down…
On a busy dating app, you’re also bound to come across people looking for threesomes. I was surprised to see this crop up on female-led Bumble, where women instigate the conversation.
The giveaway was the profile picture of the man with his partner, often described as his ‘hot wife’.
HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST
Beware men with narcissistic tendencies. I found myself dating a couple of these, but spotting them can be tricky because they often present themselves as charming and confident.
But there are signs – a profile full of achievements, awards and glamorous events, emphasising success, wealth or physical appearance to an extreme level can be a big red flag.
Similarly, the man with the phrase ‘I am blessed in that department’ in his bio is quite likely to want to show you very quickly exactly how blessed he is – pictorially or in real life.
HOW TO GET THE CONVERSATION FLOWING
You’ve essentially swiped right to connect with a total stranger and nine times out of ten it will be you who now has to start the conversation. It’s important to ask leading questions; don’t make statements or give the option of a yes or no answer, as that is what you’ll get.
Nine times out of ten, men were very lacking in curiosity and rarely asked questions back (unless it was about my sexual fantasies – I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been asked that).
The ones who did ask normal, interesting, curious questions stood out and meant they were a step nearer a date. Maybe I give off a bosswoman vibe or maybe many older women experience the same approach, but several times the chat quickly turned to my views on Female Led Relationships or FLR (which I had to Google: it’s when the woman wears the trousers).
When I asked these men what they wanted it ranged from being looked after financially to being dominated in the bedroom. You learn a new thing daily on the apps!
Once you’ve found a man who seems sorted and likable, the next step should be a phone call or even better a video call (ideally, through the app). This will save you a lot of wasted time and mean you don’t exchange numbers till you’re sure you want to. Benefits include:
- You can see what your match looks like in real life;
- You can see how the conversation flows;
- You can rule them out if they answer topless (yes, happened);
- You can find out if they still live with their mother at 46 (yes, this happened too);
- You can see if they are curious and interested in you.
WHAT TO DO ON A DATE
A cup of coffee, an early evening drink or a walk all work well as first dates. I always suggested meeting around 6.30pm with a view that you should try to give a date an hour. That way 7.30pm is a good time to say you have to leave for dinner if you feel it’s run its course.
WHAT DO I WEAR?
Having worked in fashion for 37 years, I am generally very confident in how I put clothes together but being back on the dating scene made me think more about how I dressed. Would I look too staid or too sexy? My main tip is don’t use this opportunity to wear something new that could make you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious.
The last thing you want to be thinking is whether your skirt is too short or your waistband is digging in. Don’t be afraid to wear colour, it can be a mood booster. Red is for confidence, pink for feeling romantic and blue is calming.
HOW TO END A BAD DATE
If you’re not feeling it, don’t be ambiguous. Pair it with a compliment but tell them straight – and don’t apologise! There is no need to say sorry for not being interested in someone. Don’t ghost someone, but in the early days – after one or two dates – it’s fine to break it off by text.
WHEN TO HAVE SEX
Lots of women worry men will think them either too easy if they jump into bed or not interested in sex if they don’t.
We may be older, more experienced and feel freer from the pressures of youth – but societal norms can still linger. Should you ‘take it slow’ or ‘let loose’? My advice is: forget the noise. What matters is your comfort and the pace that feels right for you.
One thing that you should do is communicate openly. Discuss contraception, sexual health and any concerns (there is a rise in STDs among the over 50s, so it’s important to get over any embarrassment to protect your health).
Then there’s the big anxiety around what he’ll think of your midlife body. The key here is not to overthink it. Honestly.
If you’ve had a few dates, your partner is going to know your size and shape so will not be completely surprised by how you look as you remove your clothes!
They may well have the same concerns themselves. Just embrace the moment.
Adapted from S.A.S. Sixty And Single by Fiona Lambert (Synergy Press, £10.99), to be published on July 8. © Fiona Lambert 2025. To order a copy for £9.89 (offer valid until July 12, 2025; UK P&P free on orders over £25) go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.
