HERE is only one person that my eight-year-old son, William, cries for when he gets upset.
But the man he longs for is not here to soothe him or wipe away his tears.
That’s because Roy — the love of my life and father to my three children — died from a lung condition at the age of 68, when William was still a toddler.
So, when news broke recently that Frasier actor Kelsey Grammer has become a father for the eighth time at the age of 70, I was probably one of the few who didn’t roll their eyes or agree with the “selfish older dad” comments.
Because, despite being left to raise William and our six-year-old twins, Connor and Ruby, alone, I see my children and my life with an older man as a blessing.
So much so that I now plan to do it all again with another man in his sixties, because I firmly believe mature men make better partners — and better fathers. More women should try it.
Time is limited
I first met “karaoke king” Roy Rogers in 2011 when I was 20 and he was 60.
He was incredibly handsome and charismatic and when he locked eyes with me, as he belted out his favourite Roy Orbison song, You Got It, in our home town of Gillingham, Kent, it was love at first sight.
After a string of emotionally immature boyfriends, I loved that I had found a silver fox with life experience.
In fact, Roy had more issues about the age gap than I did, so I was the one who plucked up the courage to make the first move in 2012.
After dating for three years, we got married on Boxing Day 2015 and William, who is the spitting image of his daddy, was born two years later.
I won’t lie and say everyone was pleased for us.
Friends said it wouldn’t last, that he would take advantage of me, or that I was a gold digger — even though Roy wasn’t wealthy. It was all negative.
My mum Kim, 64, was sceptical at first. But with only a nine-year age gap between her and Roy, they got on like a house on fire and she said she was happy for me. And my dad, Des, 65, got on better with Roy than he did with me.
Out and about, I was mistaken for his granddaughter a few times but luckily we could laugh about it.
‘Not well enough’
Roy was so handsome that I couldn’t have cared less, although I admit our relationship meant we both had to develop thick skins.
It is something Kelsey will also have to do, as I’ve already seen negative comments directed at him and wife Kayte, 46, a former flight attendant, since it emerged they have welcomed baby Christopher into the world.
The couple, who met in 2009, already had kids Faith, 13, Kelsey Gabriel, 11, and Auden James, eight, together, while the actor has four other children — Spencer, 42, Greer, 33, Mason, 24, and Jude, 21 — from previous relationships.
Like Kelsey, my Roy already had four adult children when we met, but this just made him a great help and a hands-on dad.
It was a blow and reality hit me like a punch in the face when he was admitted into hospital for end-of-life care when the twins were just four months old
Kerry
We do not see Roy’s older children, but my kids have lots of family around them so they feel cherished.
We made a great team. What I had in energy, Roy matched with experience. When I fell pregnant with our twins, we were ecstatic.
Sadly, by the time they were born by C-section on September 26, 2019, Roy was not well enough to be at the birth.
He had been battling the lung condition COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) for many years and, by that point, he was terminally ill.
It was a blow and reality hit me like a punch in the face when he was admitted into hospital for end-of-life care when the twins were just four months old.
Six months later, he asked to be allowed home from the hospice to die with his family around him — and sadly that’s what happened on August 8, 2020.
We’re all living longer these days, so Kelsey could live until he’s 100, when Christopher will be 30. What’s wrong with that?
Nobody has a crystal ball that tells us when our time will be up, so you just have to go for it. My twins are surrounded by love.
Roy’s last words were: “Thank you, I love you.” I was shattered.
Although I’d known I would eventually have to face parenthood alone, it ended up happening a lot sooner than I’d expected.
While we knew it was unlikely Roy would see the children pass driving tests, graduate or marry, we had at least hoped he would get to wave them off for their first days at school.
It’s something you weigh up when making decisions like having a family with an older man.
‘Painful emotions’
After first becoming a father in 1983, this isn’t Kelsey’s first rodeo.
He will know that his time with Christopher is limited, but I would like to think that his lifestyle will afford him the opportunities to make as many wonderful memories with his son as he can.
The actor has been quoted as saying he is happiest when he has all of his children with him in one room and Roy felt exactly the same.
After he passed away, life was hard, with painful emotions.
William was affected the most and, even though we talk about Roy all the time, he misses him terribly.
When he is upset, tired or overwhelmed he cries for his daddy and runs to his room to give the pillow with Roy’s face printed on it a huge squeeze.
All three children have their own and they also have photos of their father in their bedrooms.
The twins won’t remember their dad which breaks my heart but they’ll be OK. And all the memories I keep alive of Roy will help.
The twins won’t remember their dad which breaks my heart but they’ll be OK. And all the memories I keep alive of Roy will help
Kerry
Happily, they also have my new partner, Terry Roberts, who has been my rock since Roy passed away.
He’s an older man at 61 and, as strange as it might sound, he was a great friend to Roy and promised him he would look after me when he passed away.
Our friendship blossomed and we’ve now been a couple for four years. Terry, who has two grown-up kids and three grand-children — is a father figure to my children and they love him.
It is why I wanted us to have a child together, too.
He is a good man and I felt ready to grow our family.
After a year of trying, tests have shown that poor egg quality coupled with Terry’s low sperm count make it unlikely we will conceive.
We will keep trying nonetheless.
Kelsey’s happy news has been a reminder never to give up hope and that all children are a blessing, no matter what age you are when they arrive in your life.
Former lorry driver Terry says: “I was close friends with Roy and was excited for him when he met Kerry and they had their three children.
“We had honest conversations about him knowing he probably wouldn’t get to see them start school.
“When he passed and I got together with Kerry, I saw that I had a duty to take on his kids, too.
“I was happy when Kerry said she would like a family with me and, while we haven’t been lucky so far, I’d be happy if it happened.
“Like Roy, and Kelsey Grammer, I’m realistic about how much, or little, of their lives that I would get to see, but that doesn’t stop us wanting it.
“Why shouldn’t we do what makes us happy?”
