Madonna has revealed she contemplated suicide during her ‘painful’ custody battle over her son Rocco Ritchie, and at times it left her ‘sobbing in her dressing room.’
The Queen Of Pop, 67, sat down for her first ever podcast interview for On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and during the two-hour chat, spoke about how she’s relied on her spirituality during darker periods of her life.
Madonna became embroiled in a custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie in 2016 over Rocco, who was 16 at the time, after he chose to leave her during her Rebel Heart Tour to relocate to London to live with his father.
At the time, Madonna had primary custody of her son, but following a lengthy legal war, a settlement was reached which saw Rocco able to remain in the UK.
During the interview, Madonna’s first in nine years, the singer admitted that she was ‘suffering’ before beginning her spiritual journey.
‘There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide,’ she said.
Madonna has revealed she contemplated suicide during her ‘painful’ custody battle over her son Rocco Ritchie , and at times it left her ‘sobbing in her dressing room’
‘I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees was when I went through a custody battle with my son.
‘Even though my marriage didn’t work out…I mean a lot of people’s marriages don’t work out. They marry the wrong people. They’re not aligned. They’re not meant for each other. Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me.
‘That’s really how I was thinking. And I was on tour at the time, so I had to go on stage every night. I would just be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing. I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.’
Madonna, who split from Rocco’s father Guy in 2008, said she’s now ‘good friends’ with her son, and credited her spirituality for helping her through the difficult time.
She added: ‘But thank God I don’t feel that way anymore…I’m happy to say that I’m really good friends with my son but I couldn’t see it then. I really thought it was the end of the world. So, you know, thank God I had a spiritual life.’
The star also spoke about her fractured relationship with her late brother Christopher, sharing that she’s written a song as a tribute to him, after his death in June 2024 following a battle with throat cancer.
She shared: ‘Holding a grudge, hating someone or wanting them to suffer… it’s a kind of poison, a kind of cancer.
‘That’s why it’s important to find a way to forgive people who you perceive as your biggest enemies. For a really long time, it was my brother, who died recently.
The singer became embroiled in a custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie in 2016 over Rocco after he chose to relocate to London to live with his father (pictured in 2013)
Madonna sat down for her first ever podcast interview with Jay Shetty , and during the two-hour chat, spoke about how she’s relied on her spirituality during darker periods of her life
‘I think the hardest ones are the people you feel like you’re the closest to, they’re your greatest ally and they turn on you. The people who hurt you the most are the people you love the most.’
Madonna admitted she was reluctant to rebuild bridges with her brother when he reached out while battling his illness.
She said: ‘For my brother, I didn’t speak to him for three years. Years and years. And it was him being ill and reaching out to me and saying, ”I need your help,” that means having that moment, like, ”Am I gonna help my enemy?” And I just did.
‘It was such a load off my back, such a weight that was removed, baggage that was put down to finally be able to be in a room with him and holding his hand, even if he was dying, saying, ‘I love you and I forgive you.’ That was really important.”
During the interview, Madonna also opened up about discovering the Kabbalah religion at the height of her fame 1996, and the courage it gave her to align intention with purpose beyond her life in the spotlight.
The star has also launched The Mystical Studies of the Zohar, a new course with Kabbalah teacher, Eitan Yardeni.
In the wide-ranging interview, the mother-of-six emphasised how spirituality sustains her not during moments of triumph, but in times of hardship.
‘You need to be spiritual to be successful, she said. ‘Success is having a spiritual life, period. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have one.’
‘What have I done for others? That’s really the only way you can be successful in life. It’s like the greatest amount of light is where there’s darkness and you can reveal the most amount of light.
‘When you’re in a dark room, you turn on the light. When you’re in a room that’s already light, what do you, there’s no, um, effort made. So, should we look for darkness?
‘Spiritual wisdom is not helpful when everything’s going your way. It’s helpful when you’re challenged and when you’re happy.’
During the interview, Madonna also opened up about discovering the Kabbalah religion at the height of her fame, adding she ‘wouldn’t be here’ if she hadn’t begun her spiritual journey
She continued: ‘It’s helpful to remember that at any given time, in any moment, it could be gone. So don’t take it for granted. Have humility. Radical acceptance is just accepting that what is happening to you is meant to happen to you – and that you’re going to be okay.’
Kabbalah is a Jewish mystical philosophy and interpretive tradition, and it examines the symbolic and esoteric nature of God, creation, and the universe.
Its teachings draw on concepts such as the Sefirot (divine emanations) and the Tree of Life, and together these ideas are meant to help followers deepen their understanding of the divine and their relationship with God.
Listen to the full interview on the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US on 988. In the UK, call Samaritans on 116 123, visit samaritans.org or visit www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.
