In the House of Commons, we were discussing War again. We seem to do this every day. Across town, traders in the financial markets were trying to guess whether Donald Trump was chickening out or ramping up. These Iranian negotiators, could anyone else in the White House see them?
Britain isn’t really in the war, but we’re still feeling its effects. So Rachel Reeves had come to update us on options to keep the public’s bills manageable. Opposite her was Mel Stride. A stoppable force was meeting a moveable object.
The Tory backbenches provided a marvellously cynical soundtrack. “I am holding meetings with supermarkets and with banks,” Reeves declared, and was greeted with an ironic “ooooh!” The competition authority had “launched a market study,” she went on, which got a “woooh!” Britain is these days in most ways a mid-sized power that finds itself at the mercy of events, but we still lead the world in sarcasm.
As the chancellor turned to wind and solar power, energy sources that aren’t at the mercy of foreign lunatics, the Tories shouted “Pah!” in contempt. When she mentioned North Sea oil and gas, they let out a triumphant “Aaaaah!” As far as the modern British right is concerned, energy only counts if you burn something to generate it. Claire Coutinho gestured at the wooden despatch box in front of her. You could definitely set fire to that, producing enough electricity to light Bristol for a microsecond.
Reeves didn’t have a great deal to say, so much of her speech was a rehearsal of past hits, listing the many glorious things the Treasury has been doing under her enlightened leadership. And then sometimes undoing, under her even more enlightened leadership. “From next week, the two-child limit gone!” she declared triumphantly, to murmurs of approval from her backbenchers. Churls might point out that it’s really not very long since Labour was suspending the whip from MPs who voted against the cap, but let’s choose instead to admire the chancellor’s chutzpah.
She promoted the “Fair Fuel Finder” website, to allow you to discover that you could have saved £5 if you’d filled the car up at the other garage on Sunday. Think of it as government support for marital arguments.
“This is not a war that we started,” the chancellor said, winding up. “Nor is it a war that we joined.” Donald Trump’s war has handed Labour a stick with which the party is going to be beating the Tories and Reform for years to come.
Stride, responding, similarly played the old hits. Reeves had been warned in 2024 of the ways her plans would hit the economy. “All of that has come to pass,” he said, sounding like a minor Old Testament prophet. He did have one new line of attack, his leader’s belief that ships would be able to move freely through the Strait of Hormuz if only Britain had fewer wind farms.
“Nothing exemplifies this government’s economic folly more than its approach to oil and gas,” Stride said, denouncing “the utterly misguided Net Zero obsessions of the Energy Secretary.” Well sure, Mel, but can you think of anyone else who used to be quite keen on Net Zero? Let’s visit melstridemp.com and find out!
What’s this? “From 2010 onwards he took this mission to Westminster and helped to steer a major energy bill through the House of Commons in 2013 which introduced strict carbon emissions targets.” Aha, interesting. “In 2019, one of Mel’s last acts as a government minister was to support the UK in becoming the first major economy in the world to legislate for net zero greenhouse gas emissions by 2050.”
But that was when you were bound by collective ministerial responsibility. Presumably on the backbenches you were able to express your doubts about the project? “As Chair of the Treasury Select Committee I have been pursuing an inquiry into the decarbonisation of our economy.” But arguing against it, right? “We can both grow our economies and protect the environment.” Oh.
Of Reform, the people’s champions, there was no sign. But why would you speak about your constituents in Parliament for free when you can get £700 an hour sending greetings to far-right groups on Cameo? Traditionally, member of parliament isn’t supposed to be an “office of profit”, but Nigel Farage’s party, innovative as ever, is breaking new ground here. Pretty soon his outside earnings will be a measurable part of GDP. And like solar power, they’re not subject to Iranian blockades.
