Celebrities, eh? Show ‘em a fat cheque, and they’ll put their name to anything, from whisky and butter to condoms and Viagra. But when it comes to investing in pubs, things get rather more involved.
Because these are tumultuous times for our beloved boozer, with an estimated one pub per day calling last orders for the very final time. As Jeremy Clarkson, of The Farmer’s Dog fame, recently pointed out, running a pub ‘is more stressful than running a farm’. Which means very, very stressful indeed.
All of the establishments listed below are not only proper pubs – the sort you’d want to spend a few hours in – but serious investments for their backers too. No half-baked ‘influencers’, or take the money and run here. Fame might bring some punters through the door, but the real art is in getting them to return.
The Fox and Pheasant, Fulham, London
Singer James Blunt owns The Fox and Pheasant in Fulham, an old-fashioned country-style pub
‘A little country pub tucked away in the corner of Chelsea,’ goes the blurb on the website for James Blunt’s west London boozer.
And it really is a proper old-fashioned pub, with roaring fires in the winter, Timothy Taylor’s and Harvey’s on tap, and some decent bar snacks, too – don’t miss their honey-glazed chipolatas.
It’s the sort of place you can pop in for a swift half, or settle in for a proper old-fashioned session. There may even be the occasional lock-in.
And it’s not just booze – the food here is truly excellent. Sit in the (occasionally) sun-drenched conservatory and tuck into the chicken and smoked ham hock pie, fried chicken and ‘say when’ dark chocolate mousse. The only downside? It’s next door to Stamford Bridge, Chelsea’s home ground. As a Tottenham fan, that makes it a few steps away from hell.
The Farmer’s Dog, Burford, Oxfordshire
Jeremy Clarkson at his pub The Farmer’s Dog in Oxfordshire
Unless you’re currently residing somewhere on the outer reaches of Uranus, you may have heard that Jeremy Clarkson (along with his girlfriend, Lisa Hogan) has opened a pub. And a very fine one it is too.
Who would have thought, ten years back, that the Top Gear host would become a British farming hero? Not me, squire, but Clarkson’s Farm showed how tough the farmer’s lot is, fighting through ridiculous red tape for piteously minimal returns.
The Farmer’s Dog (which was going to be called The Dog Inn, in reference to the naughty nocturnal high jinks that went on there in the past) is a delectable paean to Great British produce.
They sell only British drinks, wines and spirits (including Clarkson’s own excellent Hawkstone lager and cider), and the menu is made entirely with products grown or raised on British farms.
The steak pie is an old-fashioned cracker, while their sausages,
terrines and soups are top notch too. This is far more than some short-term gimmick, rather a genuine labour of love. Support British farmers, and fill your belly with lovely grub. Everyone’s a winner.
The Lore of the Land, Fitzrovia, London
Guy Ritchie owns a pub in Fitzrovia which is booked out months in advance for its Sunday roasts
I once had a very, very long lunch at Guy Ritchie’s exceptionally civilised Fitzrovia boozer. So long, in fact, that I have precious little memory, save the proprietor pulling out some very serious Burgundy reds. A famous radio presenter, who shall remain nameless, added a few bottles of fine tequila, too.
The hangover lasted for weeks. But with food and drink this good, you want at least some recollection of your dinner. Downstairs, at the bar, there’s are beers from Ritchie’s own brewery, as well as a huge range of serious cocktails.
Move upstairs to the restaurant with the huge open kitchen, where four different cuts of steak sizzle over glowing coals. It’s carnivorous heaven, although the menu also includes pastrami-cured chalkstream trout, parsley and confit garlic buckwheat risotto, and cod collar tempura.
Their Sunday roasts are more epic still, but beware – tables sell out months in advance.
The Grapes, Limehouse, London
Sir Ian McKellen’s pub, The Grapes, has been serving ale for nearly 500 years
Sir Ian McKellen, that lyrical legend of both stage and screen, is not your average landlord.
Of course he’s not. Not for him the local ’Spoons, or Dog and Duck – rather The Grapes, a Thames-side Limehouse institution that has been serving up, in one form or other, flagons of foaming ale for nearly 500 years.
Charles Dickens was a fan. ‘A tavern of dropsical appearance,’ he writes in Our Mutual Friend, ‘… long settled down into a state of hale infirmity. It had outlasted many a sprucer public house.’ It may be called The Six Jolly Fellowship Porters in the book but there’s no secret as to its inspiration.
The Grapes also survived the Blitz and cash-flashing property developers alike, and is the best kind of traditional London pub.
You’ll find decent beer, busts of Dickens and a menu filled with toasted sandwiches and fish and chips. Drop into the Monday quiz night and you may find the great man himself asking the questions.
Oh, to quote the Boy in Shakespeare’s Henry V, ‘would I were in an alehouse in London’.
The Royal Oak, Swallowcliffe, Wiltshire
James May owns The Royal Oak in Wiltshire, a pretty pub with a thatched roof and cascades of hanging flowers
Yup, another former Top Gear presenter opening yet another pub.
But James May’s Wiltshire boozer, in the quiet village of Swallowcliffe, is a rather different beast from Clarkson’s Farmer’s Dog.
Just off the A30, between Shaftesbury and Salisbury, it’s certainly a looker, with thickly thatched roof and cascades of hanging flowers.
He may own just half the pub but this is no short-term whim. May takes this very seriously indeed. The walls are decorated with paintings by his artist friends, the furniture is locally made, and you’ll find Wiltshire and Dorset beers, May’s own gins, and some more than decent pub food.
But celebrities and freeloaders beware! There are no freebies here at all. Even the gaffer pays for his own pints.
The Tap and Run, Upper Broughton, Leicestershire
Former England cricketer Stuart Broad co-owns a pub in Leicestershire with fellow England bowler Harry Gurney
The great Stuart Broad may have recently retired from the front line of England’s bowling attack, but his pub (co-owned with fellow England and Nottinghamshire bowler Harry Gurney) is far more Howzat than golden duck.
Sitting in the Vale of Belvoir, this is a laid-back boozer, with no pretensions, save giving its customers a fine old time.
The beer is well kept, the service excellent and the food is really rather good. Broad is a particular fan of their Sunday roast.
But it all could have ended in an unfortunate run-out. Three years back, the pub was gutted by a devastating fire. Thankfully, everyone was OK, but the end looked nigh.
These two sportsmen, though, are made of stronger stuff. A full refurbishment followed, and The Tap and Run is hurling them down the wicket once more.
Half Moon Inn, Kirdford, West Sussex
Model Jodie Kidd outside her pub in West Sussex, the Half Moon Inn
Jodie Kidd may be better known for striding down the catwalk – or throwing fast cars around tight corners – than she is for pulling a pint. But she been the passionate publican of this Sussex boozer for eight years now, and it’s still going strong.
Dating back to the 16th century, The Half Moon Inn has all you want from your village local – stone floors old wooden beams, roaring fire, vast terrace with kitchen and lovely beer garden.
There’s also an ever-changing selection of local beers on taps (Kidd is a champion of the pub industry), curry nights and a seasonal, resolutely locally sourced menu that pays tribute to her many local suppliers.
