IT’S the easiest conversation to slip into after their first day at school.
But one children’s therapist has explained why bombarding them with questions about what they did and who they played with is actually one of the most unhelpful things a parent can do.
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Instead, speech therapist Emma explained a clever alternative that will actually encourage kids to open up about their day themselves.
“Save this video now so that you don’t miss the tips when you catch yourself in that cycle of asking a million questions and getting nothing back,” she said in a video on her TikTok page.
The first thing to do is establish a “non-verbal signal to check in with how they’re feeling in that moment”.
Emma suggested using a thumb signal – up for good, horizontal for so-so and down for bad.
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“And then you could also share with them how you are,” she continued – using the thumb signals to identify her emotions too.
“It’s a way for them to be able to give you that feeling of how they are in that moment, and then you can think about pitching what comes next, depending on their response.”
Depending on your child’s response, it’s at this point that you can ask them a question in the same way – such as “how was your day?”
Then, although it is likely to feel “really weird” the first time you do it, you can tell them something about your day.
Such as, “I had something really delicious for lunch. I had super slurpy spaghetti”.
Then pause – which is “giving them the opportunity to share something about their day, but there is no pressure or expectation for them to have to”.
“You’re just telling them something that happened in your day, and then they can if they want to,” Emma added.
“Try this instead of the interviewer-style question. I understand why it’s happening – it’s happening out of curiosity, worry, love, interest, all of that.
“But it creates accidental and unnecessary pressure for little ones. So try these tips instead, and let me know how you go.”
“Stop asking so many questions at nursery pickup,” Emma wrote in the caption for her TikTok video.
“I have to admit that I do this when I collect children for their therapy sessions all the time and I’m a therapist.
“But try these tips instead to get out of the interviewer role!”
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“Sounds great!! Thank you, will give it a try!” one person commented on the video.
“These are really good tips,” another said.
“My daughter never gives me an answer when I ask her all those questions so I’m definitely going to try this!”
“My daughter is on the spectrum and sometimes she’s just wants quiet so I’ve stopped asking,” a third commented.
“Thank you for these tips. x
“I love this,” someone else wrote.
