FOR most, Christmas and New Year are a time of joy, laughter and parties with friends and family.
But Scots who have lost a loved one in 2025 will be facing the season with different priorities.
Big celebrations can be hard to navigate if you are dealing with loss.
Grief coach Lisa Hague says many of her clients are dreading the festivities.
But she explains there are ways to embrace your loss at Christmas, and coping strategies that will help grieving Scots tackle the weeks ahead.
Lisa said: “All of my clients have brought up the C-word in the last few weeks. They’re starting to go, ‘Oh God, I know Christmas is coming’.
“It makes you realise that the people who are really excited for Christmas and talk about the season with such joy, are probably those who haven’t lost anyone.
“All of my clients that are struggling now, they are dreading Christmas. They literally want to shut themselves away and wait until January comes.”
Lisa, whose own daughter Lola was stillborn in 2008, says grief is hard to cope with all year round.
But it can hit harder when there are big celebrations and everyone around you is happy.
She said: “The advice that I give to my clients is that grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It’s not something we can just switch on and off.
“It’s important to be kind to yourself your own wellbeing is more important than tradition. If there’s a party, a gathering or something like that and you don’t want to go to it, don’t go. I always ask, ‘Is it harming or is it healing?’ You know, how does it make you feel?
“Is it nice to be around everyone and go to the party? If it is on a day where you feel like you can do it, do it. But if you don’t want to go, you can make your excuses.”
The expert, who runs counselling and grief retreats, said it is important to include those you have lost in whatever celebrations you take part in over the season.
Lisa, her husband – former Celtic and Scotland star Kris Commons – and their three kids always remember baby Lola at Christmas.
She said: “Moving forward with your grief, it’s good to include the person that you’ve lost in your day.
“For us, for Lola, we’ve got a bauble on the Christmas tree. We’ve got several actually one with her name on it and one that’s angels’ wings. And we will light a candle. Some choose to have that person’s chair at the table or they will raise a glass on Christmas Day.
“They are really good ways of moving forward and making your person still be part of that day, they can’t be there physically with you.”
Another problem for those who are grieving is the feeling that they are leaving their loved one behind.
With 2026 approaching, it can be hard for people to say goodbye to the year when their family member or friend has died.
Lisa said: “I encourage my clients to concentrate on moving forward with their grief. Think about how to bring your person into 2026.
“Are you going to do some fundraising? Are you going to do something special for them, like hold an event? Ask yourself what do you want to do for 2026 to still keep your person with you.”
Another thing people struggle with is guilt – feeling bad for enjoying the season when you have lost someone close to you.
The coach explained: “For the people that can get involved in doing the good stuff, being fully present at the Christmas party is brilliant. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
“Take from Christmas what you can without feeling the pressure of tradition.
“Guilt is probably one of the biggest reasons that people come to me for sessions and it’s one of the biggest breakthroughs that you will make with somebody.
“When I had my own counselling, one of the first things the counsellor said to me was, ‘Look at the grief cycle’. Everything on the grief cycle serves a purpose apart from guilt. Guilt will only hold you back, it’s not there to serve any purpose.
“Because I worked on that quite quickly and digested it, it’s meant that I am fully present with family.
“For me now, I’m not always thinking we shouldn’t be happy or we shouldn’t be doing this because, for example, my grandad’s not here.
“If my grandad thought I was sad on Christmas because he wasn’t part of the day, he’d be raging at me for that.
“I can use people who have been in my life who have passed away for guidance.
“And if I passed away, my kids would know I’d be telling them to please make sure they enjoy that day as much as they possibly can, because time is short and life is so precious.”
Lisa can be contacted on her Instagram at Hague_griefcoach.
