The start of a first date is often a bit tense. Particularly in my case when I flash a smile and it catches my date off guard.
He won’t mention anything right away, but sure enough – usually half an hour or so later, when he’s fully processed it – he’ll ask the inevitable.
‘So, how long are they on for?’
He might as well be asking me, ‘How long do I have to endure them for?’
Or, to be frank, ‘How long do I have to be seen dating a woman with braces?’
And as deeply shallow as it is, I’m used to this now.
At 30, I’m part of the increasing number of adults seeking orthodontic treatment in the UK. According to the British Orthodontic Society, more than 75 per cent of orthodontists have seen an increase in adult patients seeking treatment in the past three years.
Olivia Riccini decided she wanted to finally have jaw surgery at the age of 26, after a fall – but her doctor told her she would need braces first to move her teeth to an appropriate position
While many women my age seem to have those expensive and subtle Invisalign-type braces to straighten a rogue tooth, in my case, silver train tracks were required. You know, the ones that are so in your face they are the only thing you can look at once I open my mouth.
Many of my friends have said they could never do this at our stage in life – but modern romance is where braces proved most contentious. As if dating wasn’t hard enough already.
Growing up, I never needed braces; my teeth were nice and straight. My jaw, however, was a problem. I had such a huge overbite that my jaw is classed as a deformity by the NHS.
I hated my side profile because my chin sat much further back than the rest of my face and my top row of teeth jutted too far forward.
As many people with an overbite will know, if you fall, the first thing that will hit the floor is your mouth… and therefore teeth. I smashed one of my front adult teeth and had to have a crown fitted.
I ended up with a discoloured fake tooth, so I got used to awkwardly smiling with my mouth closed to avoid revealing it.
Even though my smile has always bothered me, it was only a few years ago, when I was 26, that I decided I wanted to finally get jaw surgery – but my doctor told me I would need braces first to move my teeth to an appropriate position.
I wasn’t exactly overjoyed but I saw it as a necessary evil.
When I told my parents they were supportive. My boyfriend was not. Twelve years older than me, he begged me not to get braces because he feared it would make me look younger and make him ‘feel weird’.
He wasn’t the last person to make my braces about him, rather than thinking about me having to wear them.
We broke up for unrelated reasons but his remarks left me scared about how I would be perceived when I started dating again.
I therefore decided not to include my braces on my dating profile, because they made my teeth look even more crooked. Equally I chose not to mention them before we met. It turned out to be the perfect test of someone’s empathy and genuine interest in me.
But does this make me a ‘catfish’ (someone who presents a different version of themselves online to attract people)? As melodramatic as that sounds, one date seemed to think so.
A TikTok ‘personality’, I expected him to have a lot of character – and there were sparks over messages – but perhaps I should have guessed he would have a more superficial side too.
Olivia decided not to include her braces on her dating profile, because they made her teeth look even more crooked, she says
We went out for dinner and drinks and everything was going well until about halfway through, out of nowhere, he blurted out, ‘So why haven’t you got your braces on your profile?’
I said it did not matter.
‘No, it does,’ he argued back. ‘You should really put that on your profile. Same as having a kid.’
It might be the most idiotic logic I have ever heard.
I patiently pointed out that a child is for life and braces are for a few years maximum. I could see he realised he had said something stupid but he didn’t back down.
The rest of the date was a write-off.
A different strange reaction to navigate was another online match who I went on a few coffee dates with. It transpired that he liked my braces; really liked them.
He told me they were ‘sexy’ which at first was a welcome change. Then he confessed they were a bit of a fetish for him and sent me links to what I can only describe as braces porn, which I never knew existed until then.
He would ask me, ‘When am I seeing those braces again?’ and ask me to send him pictures of my teeth.
It’s fair to say the novelty soon wore off. I started to wonder if braces turned him on because they’re associated with young schoolgirls. The whole thing made me feel very uncomfortable.
Today I’ve had braces for 22 months and I’ve got one final adjustment to make before they come off and I can get the jaw surgery I endured all of this for in the first place. In the meantime, I’m so excited to smile with my teeth showing again – and for the feeling of brace-free teeth.
While they have been a pain in some ways, they have also been an excellent way of weeding out time wasters.
They’ve also taught me how to be confident in who I am – orthodontic challenges and all. So I’m back on the dating scene, feeling stronger than ever; single men, you’d better brace yourselves.
• By Olivia Riccini, as told to Lara Olszowska
