It’s a Friday night in Soho and I find myself standing outside an inconspicuous door, lace mask in hand, preparing to step into one of the most exclusive parties London has to offer.
There’s no sign, no red carpet, no hint of what lies inside – just a small line of posh, middle-class housewives and their husbands quietly anticipating a night of… debauchery that comes with a strict dress code.
This is one of a number of Killing Kittens events that has captalised on the current trend for polyamory – or what the rest of us call fooling around.
Founded in 2005 by Emma Sayle – a fiercely intelligent and determined entrepreneur and 47-year-old, married mother-of-three, who (fun fact) was a rowing friend of the Princess of Wales, with whom she went to the same boarding school – Killing Kittens bills itself as a high-end space for adults to explore intimacy in a safe, shame-free, female-led environment. At parties, women make the first move, a policy known as ‘kittens first’.
As the Mail’s sex and dating columnist, I felt it was my duty to see what all the fuss was about.
The company, which has been valued at more than £15million and boasts more than 180,000 members worldwide, has built a reputation over the past two decades for being more elegant than edgy. Think velvet ropes, strict guest lists, and a firm set of house rules that ensure female empowerment and safety above all else.
The locations tend to be a cut above – this October it will be celebrating its 20th anniversary with a ball at a Grade II Victorian manor set among beautiful manicured grounds.
The event I was invited to was slightly less salubrious. It was called ‘Hedonism’, which certainly set a tone.
Jana Hocking (pictured) attended a sex party. The events are organised by Killing Kittens – a company founded in 2005 by Emma Sayle, who was an acquaintance of Kate Middleton
Unsure of what to wear, I initially ordered a racy lingerie set from Honey Birdette thinking I’d need to match the mood – something better than a Marks & Spencer cotton pack of three at any rate.
But a last-minute message from the organiser suggested cocktail dresses were more appropriate, so I swapped lace for something a bit more Little Black Dress demure. Better to be overdressed than under. Or so I thought.
When we arrived, my friend and I were waved to the front of the queue and handed delicate lace masks. We descended a staircase into a softly lit underground space filled with moody blues and reds. A central jacuzzi bubbled away under purple lights, while chic couples lounged around sipping drinks. It felt more like a private club from the 1990’s than anything else – somewhere between a cocktail bar and a spa.
I had expected chandeliers, candelabras, dark red roses, maybe a hint of Gatsby. But the venue, which turned out to be a converted mens’ health club, had its own low-key charm. Admittedly, it wasn’t the plush mansion I’d imagined, but it had a naughty vibe to it.
As we settled in, I noticed guests slipping into locker rooms and returning in increasingly glamorous (and often barely-there) lingerie. Women floated around in silk robes or intricate lace sets. Some men donned boxer briefs, while others sported dinner jackets above rather cheeky accessories. It was theatrical, but surprisingly tasteful.
The first thing that struck me was how relaxed the atmosphere felt. People were friendly, engaging, and respectful. It wasn’t the raucous, chaotic scene you might expect from a party of this nature. There was thoughtful conversation and a distinct lack of sleaze. It was, dare I say it, civilised.
Among the most intriguing guests I met was a young married couple in their 30s. She was bubbly and clearly in her element. He was giving slightly horny puppy dog vibes but managed to contain himself.
They explained they’d been to a few events together after she expressed curiosity in exploring her attraction to women. This was a safe space where they could explore together, no pressure, no judgment.
Jana Hocking is pictured while attending her first Killing Kittens adult party with the founder Emma Sayle
Emma Sayle (pictured, left) and Kate Middleton (pictured, right) are seen in 2007 while training for ‘The Sisterhood Challenge’ on the River Thames
Another guest – a well-groomed, chatty woman in her 40s – told me she’d recently reopened her marriage. With two young kids and full-time jobs, she and her husband had found themselves in a bit of a rut when it came to their sex life.
Emma Sayle had invited her to Killing Kittens, and she’d been surprised when her husband had not only not minded, but encouraged her to attend without him. His one condition was that she tell him every detail when she returned home. It turns out, that was part of the thrill for both of them. New kink discovered.
There was even a billionaire in attendance. Everyone seemed to know who he was. He stood quietly, sipping his drink, not engaging directly, but observing the room like one might at a gallery opening. It added to the surreal sense that this was not your average Friday night.
At around 11pm, the energy in the room subtly shifted. The music deepened, and the lights dimmed. Private rooms became occupied, and couples began gravitating toward the hot tub. There was an air of discretion and mutual understanding.
The entire night operated on unspoken rules – always ask for consent, feel free to observe, and ladies must make the first move.
Now, I should be clear: participation is entirely optional. No one pressures you to do anything. In fact, several guests I spoke to were simply there to watch, or to reconnect with their partner in a new setting.
And while the event certainly had its more risqué moments, what surprised me most was how normal it all felt. These weren’t reckless partygoers or scandalous celebrities. They were professionals, parents, creatives, people you might pass in the supermarket queue. There was something oddly wholesome about it all.
Of course, I had my own fashion misstep. While others had sensibly packed a change of outfit, I’d arrived in full evening wear and remained so throughout. Let’s just say, I was the only one still fully dressed by midnight.
According to Jana (pictured) participation during the parties is ‘entirely optional’ and that ‘no one pressures you to do anything’
The company founded by Emma Sayle (pictured) has been valued at more than £15m and boasts more than 180,000 members
By around 1am, I decided to call it a night. I hadn’t had any great epiphanies, or wild dalliances, but I had witnessed something I hadn’t quite expected: a respectful, considered, and surprisingly elegant subculture operating behind closed doors.
And yes, I did see people ‘making love’. It almost became a bit… boring.
Would I return? Possibly. Next time, I’d bring a change of clothes and perhaps set my expectations a little differently.
What I took away from the evening wasn’t scandal, but insight. Behind the masks and dim lighting, lies a world that’s less about outrageous antics and more about freedom and curiosity.
And whether you join in or simply watch from the sidelines, one thing’s for sure: it’s a night you won’t forget in a hurry.
