A STAR from the TV show Virgin Island has discovered the real reason he hadn’t had sex by age 30 – despite having dated 40 women and having two girlfriends.
The show, which aims to help adult virgins explore intimacy for the first time, features renowned sex and relationship coaches Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel.
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Former parliamentary researcher, Ben Harris, 31, has never had sex and was encouraged to apply for the show by a friend who knew all about his romantic struggles.
Ben revealed in an interview with The Times: “There’s a classic scene from the Simpsons episode Grade School Confidential.
“In which Principal Skinner and Edna Krabappel barricade themselves inside the school after their illicit affair is discovered by the town.
“Eventually, to placate the outraged people of Springfield, Skinner tells a lie so degrading that nobody would ever declare it falsely: he is a virgin.
“I’ll never look at him the same way again,” Groundskeeper Willie scoffs.
Ben admitted: “Unlike Skinner, I really am a virgin. Just over a year ago I was sent a casting call for this provocative new Channel 4 show by a friend who knew of my romantic struggles.
How does an average looking, relatively normal guy find himself in such an unenviable position?
The advert asked: “Are you a virgin or have you always struggled with intimacy? Do you want some help?”
Ben’s initial reaction was “No chance” but his friend encouraged him to have a go.
“Well, unbeknown to him, go on I did,” added Ben
He continued: “First, a bit of background. I’m 31 years old (30 when the show was filmed) and I have never had sex.
“How does an average-looking, relatively normal guy find himself in such an unenviable position?
“Well, aside from my general introverted and all-round “quirky” nature, I think a lot of it stems from bullying I received in school.
“It was never as severe as some people experience but it often centred on my looks.
“In primary school it was because I was smaller than everyone else and then, once I’d grown to a more normal size in secondary school, it was my naturally pale skin that bore the brunt of the attacks.
Ben continued to explain the effect that bullying has had on his life and explained that the vast majority of the bullying he suffered was at the hands of other boys.
I was physically repulsive to women especially, and no sane girl could possibly find me attractive
He added: “But it nonetheless instilled within me this belief that despite my decent intellect, I was physically repulsive to women especially, and that no sane girl could possibly find me attractive.
“I simply never saw myself as capable of being desired in a romantic sense and, as a result, I essentially shut myself off from even attempting to date girls during college and university.
“Relationships were for other people, I subconsciously told myself. It left me feeling somewhat sad and isolated, like an alien or an artificial human who just couldn’t quite grasp the intricacies of love.
“During my twenties I gradually and belatedly entered the world of dating, but I have always felt as if I’m playing catch-up, swimming hopelessly against a tide of formative teenage experiences I never had.
“Believe it or not, since the age of 21 I have been on dates with more than 40 different women (yes, I have kept track of this on a spreadsheet), although most never went beyond a kiss on the cheek.
Despite being a complete sex rookie I’ve even had two girlfriends
Ben then revealed that it wasn’t until early 2023 that he had his first snog and that despite being a complete sex rookie he’s even had two girlfriends.
He explained: “The first was just as inexperienced as I was and, me being me, I didn’t have the confidence to “push through it” as some might have had me do.
“The other, whom I dated in 2023, was both experienced and perfectly understanding of my situation.
“Unfortunately my many years of inexperience had built up to such a level that I flat out turned down the opportunity to have sex with her on multiple occasions out of fear.
“Fear of what I’m not quite sure, but it was a deep fear all the same. And so when I saw the casting call for Virgin Island I recognised that I probably needed to do something drastic.
Was I scared about opening myself up to the world about this embarrassing problem?
“I don’t often get very far with women and I wanted to make sure that the next time I was in such a position I wouldn’t have this self-imposed brick wall to run into again.”
“Was I scared about opening myself up to the world about this embarrassing problem? Absolutely,” Ben admitted.
He continued: “Although I’ve long been fairly open about my dating struggles, my virginity was not something I’d discussed or even acknowledged with most of my friends and family, let alone random strangers.
“Suddenly my intimacy issues would be broadcast for the entire world to see and I imagine some people will give me the Groundskeeper Willie treatment and never see me in the same way again.
“Ultimately I decided it was worth the risk. If nothing else I’d get to experience some therapy I wouldn’t otherwise have access to and at least get a free break on a beautiful Mediterranean island out of it.
“I’ve always (through choice) lived a fairly boring life and this would be the one wild thing I would throw myself into.
The first person I told was my mother and it came as quite a shock to her
“The first person I told was my mother, shortly after my initial informal interview with the casting director.
“It came as quite a shock to her and she openly admitted that she never thought someone like me would sign up for such an experience.
“She was nonetheless supportive, as were the select few other friends and family members I told as my participation in this endeavour went from a mere possibility to a daunting reality.
Ben then went on to praise Channel 4 and everyone involved in the production – for the way the sensitive matter was handled.
He added: “If this show helps to clear even a fraction of the stigma associated with being an adult virgin, it will have all been worth it.
“Even if it doesn’t, I know I got a lot out of it and I don’t regret taking part at all.”
“I’ll probably write more on the experience itself, but for now I wanted to offer an explanation of sorts as to why I decided to take part in such a daring social experiment,” concluded Ben.
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The next episode of Virgin Island airs at 9pm Monday May 19 on Channel 4.
