The groom’s speech at a wedding typically includes gushing thanks to his beautiful bride and the couple’s loving families.
But when Jack Legg married his wife Sophie in May 2022, he ended his with an apology.
‘I delivered a bombshell to our 130 guests as I told them: “I’d like to close with an apology to my dad – I’m really sorry but I’m taking Sophie’s name . . . from now on, I’m Jack Moody.”‘
Jack’s dad took the news in his stride, but other relatives were quick to share their disappointment. ‘My aunt said she was very sad I’d no longer be a Legg,’ says Jack. ‘Which made me laugh as she’s not a Legg either since getting married.’
Jack, 31 – who works as a groundsman at a stud farm – has found that despite progress on the equality front, a husband taking his wife’s name still attracts widespread criticism.
‘The reaction has been openly disapproving from a number of both men and women I’ve spoken to,’ says Jack, ‘some of them my own age, which is always more surprising than hearing it from older generations, telling me it’s ’emasculating’ and ‘feminine’.
Sophie and Jack Moody, both 31, on their wedding day where Jack announced he was taking his new wife’s name
‘I disagree. My masculinity isn’t affected by the surname I have. Why should tradition dictate women change their name while men don’t? I often think that equal rights aren’t enough; women are owed some backpay after all these years.’
Sophie, also 31, adds: ‘Acquaintances say things like: ‘Why have you done that?’ They assume there’s been a family bust-up or that I’ve stamped my feet, and Jack must be henpecked to agree to it. I’ve also had people chastise me and say I should have taken Jack’s name ‘because that’s the way it’s always been’.’
But times are changing. While increasing numbers of women are choosing to keep their maiden name or double-barrel it with their new husband’s surname, there’s also a hushed but growing trend for men ditching their own family name to take their wife’s instead.
A recent YouGov poll of 2,192 adults aged 18 to 34 revealed just a third of young British women want to take their partner’s surname when they marry, while as many as a third of men said they’d ‘feel positively’ about a man taking their spouse’s surname.
In practice, though, just 1 per cent of men of all ages said they would actually be willing to take their partner’s surname and 56 per cent still expect their spouse to adopt theirs – perhaps fearful of jibes from their mates.
Jack recalls his friends laughing when they heard his announcement. They told him they’d miss making rude jokes and rhymes with Legg – though they quickly realised Moody was a gift that would give them even greater fodder for banter.
Sophie has been labelled ‘selfish’ and some assume she has ‘henpecked’ Jack into it
Jack and Sophie met in 2016 via a mutual friend and two years later Jack proposed with a diamond and ruby ring on holiday in Sardinia. So far, so traditional.
‘Growing up, other kids had always teased me about my surname, calling me a moody cow, so part of me had looked forward to the day I could change it,’ Sophie recalls. ‘But after reading comments online from other brides-to-be saying they didn’t want to change their name but felt like they had no choice, I had a complete change of heart.’
She announced to Jack: ‘Why the hell do I have to change my name just because I’m a woman?’
Jack said he couldn’t care less if she didn’t want to be Mrs Legg, getting married was what mattered.
For a while, they settled on each keeping their own surnames, until a discussion about the names of any future children.
‘It infuriates me that people just assume kids will take their father’s surname,’ Sophie says. ‘We agreed we wanted ours to be named Moody, in recognition of the fact I’d be the one doing the hard work with pregnancy and birth. And Moody-Legg would’ve sounded mad.’
Then Jack said he’d have loved to have been an actor and that Jack Moody would have made a cool stage name.
‘It was the perfect solution,’ he reflects. ‘Though I’m really close to my family, my parents are divorced so Mum’s no longer a Legg and I’m the least patriarchal person as I’m a feminist.
‘But I was worried my dad might be upset, so I mentioned to him before the wedding to gauge his response.
‘He said: ‘Yeah, Legg is not great, is it?’ He really didn’t have a moment’s pause. Like me, he doesn’t feel we need the same surname to feel connected to one another. I have a brother, so the Legg name will continue through him.’
Sophie, however, has been labelled ‘selfish’ and some assume she has ‘henpecked’ Jack into it.
‘Just after we got married, someone commented on a bridal forum that her fiance had said if she didn’t take his surname their wedding was off. She was very upset as her dad had raised her alone.
‘When I posted a supportive comment, explaining I’d kept my name and had no regrets, another woman labelled me selfish!’
Jack adds: ‘It’s a load of outdated nonsense. Everyone has an opinion – but we’re very glad we did things our way.’
