When people think of child sexual abuse, they almost always imagine predatory adults.
Yet according to the National Police Chief Council, in 52 per cent of reported cases of child sexual abuse and exploitation in 2022, the alleged offenders were other children.
Based on what I see in my psychosexual therapy practice, where I work with adolescents at risk of sexual offending, I believe the true figure is far higher – and rising fast.
When faced with such an unsettling fact, many parents assume only troubled youngsters become perpetrators of sexual harm.
In reality, the young sexual offenders I work with tend to be ordinary, well-behaved, intelligent children from good homes. Children who believe their troubling sexual actions are merely what is expected of them.
I blame this worrying situation on pornography. Often extreme, yet easily accessible, it shapes children’s sexual expectations long before they have the emotional or cognitive maturity to make sense of what they are seeing.
A 2023 review by the Children’s Commissioner found the average age children first see pornography is 13, with one in ten exposed by the age of nine
In the hit Netflix drama Adolescence, Jamie Miller (played by Owen Cooper) becomes radicalised online and has contempt for women – a key warning sign of potential sexual offending, says Samantha Marcham
A 2023 review by the Children’s Commissioner found the average age children first see pornography is 13, with one in ten exposed by the age of nine.
Crucially, it also found that 79 per cent of those exposed had encountered violent pornography before the age of 18.
This means that when children begin to experiment, many are acting out explicit, sometimes violent sexual scripts, where a girl saying no is treated as part of the challenge, rather than a boundary. And they have zero grasp of the harm caused – or the legal consequences.
Samantha Marcham is a psychosexual psychotherapist and co-author of Porn Bomb: What every young person needs to know about pornography
Indeed, some of the children I work with have crossed serious legal lines as a result. That can include viewing or sharing illegal sexual images of children, filming sexual activity with underage partners, coercing another child into sexual activity, or joining online groups sharing illegal images.
In law, being under 18 does not prevent a child from committing a sexual offence against another child. The consequences can include registration as a sex offender and a custodial sentence.
In my experience, these criminal acts are more often perpetrated by boys, although as a mother of a son myself, now in his 20s, I am acutely aware that placing the blame solely on boys helps no one.
Just as girls feel pressured into going along with things they are not ready for, boys are groomed into believing they must behave this way in order to ‘be a man’.
Boys who have committed sexual crimes rarely arrive at my clinic saying: ‘I’ve done something wrong.’ They come because they feel anxious, low or unsettled – and their parents bring them believing this is purely about mental health.
This worsening situation is why I chose to train in sexual harm prevention through StopSO, a charity that works to prevent sexual harm by intervening early with those at risk of causing it.
For many parents, none of this will feel remotely relevant to their family. But that assumption is a dangerous blind spot.
Police involvement rarely begins with allegations of violence. It usually starts when a teacher becomes aware that sexual images are being shared between pupils.
From there, safeguarding procedures are triggered and police involvement becomes mandatory. Parents are often stunned, not just because they don’t understand the law, but because this behaviour was never on their radar.
With that in mind, here are six warning signs that show up long before this point that parents often miss.
1. Your son is dominant and controlling
Parents often misread this as confidence or leadership potential. But if a boy insists on deciding plans, sulks or pressures until he gets his way, or struggles with ‘no’ even in everyday situations, that dynamic can bleed into intimate ones. Sexual coercion can grow out of regular entitlement.
2. Alcohol becomes part of ‘normal’ teenage intimacy
Parents often assume teenagers consuming alcohol is just ‘social drinking’. But in my work, I see girls using alcohol to tolerate sex they don’t want, and boys using it for courage. Both are using it to override discomfort or boundaries.
A child coming home drunk from situations such as a boyfriend and girlfriend ‘hanging out’ can be a sign something is wrong.
3. Casual contempt for women disguised as ‘banter’
Parents often dismiss sexist jokes, crude language or derogatory comments as teenage immaturity.
But a child who repeatedly minimises women, laughs at sexual humiliation or shows contempt for girls who say no is at greater risk of crossing sexual boundaries – even if they don’t realise this themselves.
A strong emotional reaction to having their phone access threatened could be a sign of illegal or harmful activity
4. Heavy secrecy around phones
Yes, teenagers want privacy. But suddenly silencing or locking a phone when you enter the room, panicking when asked who they are talking to or becoming unusually defensive about online activity can all signal illegal image sharing or exposure to harmful material.
What matters is not the amount of screen time, but the emotional reaction when access feels threatened.
5. Time spent on chat groups
One of my most concerning cases involved a 17-year-old drawn into a private group on X where members were shown videos of children having sex.
Parents often assume platforms such as Instagram or TikTok are the main risk. But older chat-based platforms, such as X and Reddit, can have private groups where the most harmful material often circulates.
6. Sexual content framed as ‘funny’
Extreme sexual material is often shared as jokes, memes or something ‘everyone’s seen’.
Casually mentioning extreme acts or dismissing disturbing content as funny are signs of desensitisation, which is how children drift from curiosity into committing harmful acts.
Samantha Marcham is co-author of Porn Bomb: What every young person needs to know about pornography
As told to Rachel Halliwell
