More adults over the age of 50 are divorcing than ever before – and the explanation is heartbreaking.
While divorce among those who have passed the half-century mark has traditionally been low, the tide has turned in recent years.
And, despite it going against a key marriage vow, the upturn may have to do with a spouse’s worry – more commonly a wife’s concern – that they will have to spend their later years caring for a partner with a chronic health condition.
Given that people are living longer – the average lifespan in 2020 was 80.7 compared with 70.6 in 1960 – the impact of looking after an ailing partner would be greater.
In 1990, only 8.7 per cent of all US divorces occurred in relationships where the spouses were over 50, according to research in The Journals of Gerontology co-authored by Professor Susan Brown, but by 2019 that figure had increased to 36 per cent.
A slew of reasons might explain this change, according to experts.
But, while some explanations have roots in the women’s liberation movement of the 1970s as well as the UK’s Equal Pay Act of 1970, both of which made divorce more acceptable and realistic, others highlight the fact that unions between older people are more likely to be marred by sickness.
During the 70s, Brown writes, legally separating became a more acceptable way of leaving a miserable marriage.
Divorce amongst the over 50s – commonly known as ‘grey divorce’ – has been on the rise in recent years (stock image)
She argues that members of the Baby Boomer generation (people born between 1946 and 1964) who married young and got divorced at this time are now divorcing again due to the less stable nature of second marriages.
‘If you’ve divorced once, your norm about marriage and the idea that you have to stay in it “till death do us part” is already a little bit weaker,’ adds Professor Kelly Cichy.
Yet Cichy, who’s based at Ohio’s Kent State University, warned that women particularly are becoming more aware that marriage can involve a large amount of caretaking, especially later on.
She suggests that if someone already has doubts about their marriage, the prospect of having to be there for their spouse ‘in sickness and in health’ is far less appealing.
There are, of course, other reasons why divorce amongst the over 50s – commonly known as ‘grey divorce’ – is on the rise.
The fact that people are living longer means that they are less likely to put up with unhappy marriages.
In addition, greater financial independence, especially among women, means there are fewer reasons to stay.
Others have suggested that ’empty nest syndrome’ – the feeling of loss experienced when grown-up children have left home – may prove to be a catalyst for divorce since couples start to notice that they don’t have as much in common as they once thought when their offspring have moved out.
When it comes to older couples going their separate ways, fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children, a study suggests (stock image)
Forced to reevaluate their relationship in light of this change, they might also be driven to pursue personal goals with their newfound free time – goals which may be at odds with those of their spouse.
While divorce is always messy, when it comes to older couples going their separate ways, fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children, a recent study suggests.
There has been a growing trend in recent years for grey divorce, when couples in long-term marriages split after the age of 50. Now, researchers have studied the impact this has on their children.
Scientists analysed data on 9,000 individuals, focusing on the frequency of contact with their parents, emotional closeness and the provision of support – and how these were affected by the occurrence of a grey divorce.
They discovered the effects vary significantly depending on the gender of both the parent and the child involved.
Firstly, the study found that grey divorce generally leads to a decrease in the frequency of contact between adult children and their fathers.
On the other hand, there was an increase in the frequency of contact and in emotional closeness with mothers.
The researchers also found the consequences of divorce were generally more pronounced in father-daughter relationships, which experienced greater declines in both contact frequency and emotional closeness compared to father-son relationships.
Meanwhile, mother-daughter relationships often showed a strengthening in emotional bonds.
Zafer Büyükkeçeci, from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany, led the research.
He said: ‘Fathers tend to experience greater post-divorce strain on parent-child relationships compared to mothers.
‘Reasons for the disparity could be that traditionally, mothers often maintain closer bonds with children.
‘Adult children might even strengthen ties with mothers to compensate for the loss of a spousal confidante. Studies also show stronger emotional and practical support for mothers later in life.’
The study, published in The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, reads: ‘Health, wellbeing and social integration of older parents is strongly linked to the presence of a partner in the household and to intergenerational solidarity from adult children.
‘The rise in grey divorce could undermine both of these critical resources, as older people who separate not only lose their partner but may also damage relationships to their adult children.
‘Our central finding is the contrasting impact for mothers and fathers. A grey divorce tilts adult child solidarity towards mothers and puts fathers at a higher risk of social isolation.’
