Everyone is going to get clobbered in Budget

RACHEL Reeves has had a lot on her mind recently.

Perhaps that explains why she looks as if she’s about to burst into tears every time you see her.

She’s got a big problem going on — first, there’s her strange memory lapse about applying for a licence for her own house to be let out.

Claimed she knew nothing about it. And then it was revealed that, actually, she did.

But then Labour ministers getting up to shenanigans over their own homes is nothing new, is it? And always a case of, “Do as I say, not as I do”.

My own view is that Ms Reeves is not up to the job of being in charge of our finances.

Her first Budget was a disaster.

It’s the Budget that everyone is dreading, because everyone is going to get clobbered

Rod

Having pledged economic growth as being THE priority for the Government, she dreamed up a policy which ensured exactly the opposite.

She whacked up National Insurance on small businesses. Cue people being laid off and businesses cutting back. Way to go, Rach.

She has also missed opportunities to slash our humongous welfare bill through her own — and Sir Keir Starmer’s — cowardice when faced with a backbench revolt.

Depressing effect

And now she’s left with virtually no room for manoeuvre, apart from to put up taxes and maybe shove a mansion tax on anyone who lives in a place with four walls and a ceiling.

It’s the Budget that everyone is dreading, because everyone is going to get clobbered.

So I thought I’d help her out. Because that’s the kind of guy I am.

Thoughtful, caring, considerate.

What follows below is a RADICAL Budget which might actually improve things in the country a little bit.

A Budget which only a Labour government could get away with. And one which rewards aspiration and hard work.

So here’s what to do, Rach. Just cut and paste this article.

I won’t accuse you of plagiarism. Even though you were caught doing that before. If you remember.

First, income tax. The UK currently has its highest level of taxation since the end of World War Two.

It amounts to 39 per cent of the entire economy.

Give our businesses a break. Reverse that National Insurance rise made last autumn, so that small firms can expand and take more people on

Rod

Now, despite that, I have no objection to raising the top rate of tax to 47 per cent.

So long as the money saved comes in tax reductions for the lower band.

For the people who pay 40 per cent.

These are the strivers — and the Government should give them a break.

And at the other end, raise the personal tax-free allowance to £18,000.

And while we’re on with tax, how about this? Raise that tax-free allowance for married couples with children under five years old to £30,000.

Ensuring one parent stays at home to raise the kids. The savings will come in the reduction spent on very costly childcare.

Give our businesses a break. Reverse that National Insurance rise made last autumn, so that small firms can expand and take more people on.

And reduce corporation tax to 15 per cent.

Now, we’re all still worried about unaffordable housing.

So, shove a mansion tax on all homes worth above a million quid. By my reckoning, that’s about £14billion you’re saving.

And it will have a nice depressing effect on the housing market in London.

Which is what we want, no? But the real problem is our spending on welfare.

Especially sickness benefit. Did you know there are now 4.2million claiming this?

That’s up by 1.4million on the figure for five years ago.

Most of that is for mental health afflictions. As if we’ve all gone doolally in the last five years. It’s an absurdity.

We are now in the position where someone out of work will get £2,500 more per year from claiming to be sick than they would do working on the National Living Wage.

Worse than that, a single parent with one kid who has, say, ADHD would bring in £36,900 in benefits — £14,000 more than the National Living Wage. I think it’s time we got a bit serious about this.

So, scrap all Personal Independence Payments for all those claiming to suffer from anxiety, depression or ADHD.

Hell, we’re all anxious and we’re all depressed. And I’m still not sure ADHD has a meaningful clinical diagnosis.

At current estimates, that would save you another £30billion.

See, the money is beginning to pile up, isn’t it? And the thing is, Labour is the only party who might be able to get away with such a radical change to our system of welfare payments.

By a simple redefining of what counts as ‘mental illness’, you can help to put the UK back on the road to recovery.

Rod

The Tories or Reform would be accused of killing people, as usual. In my plan, nobody dies.

A worse fate awaits them perhaps. They have to go out to work. Yikes, etc!

It should always be the case that someone working earns — and keeps — more than people who are not working. It should always be the case that people who try to do the right thing are rewarded.

Swinging the lead

It should always be the case that people who are swinging the lead don’t get to live luxurious lives with all the modern contraptions, holidays and Netflix on 24 hours per day.

You will hear some squealing. From some of your own backbenchers, for a start.

And also from the third sector — the charities. Face them down.

By a simple redefining of what counts as “mental illness”, you can help to put the UK back on the road to recovery.

Oh, and if you have time, how about this? A moratorium on third-world, low-skilled immigration for three years.

There would be more squealing if the Government tried to do this. But let’s see if it has the desired effect — of causing a rise in the wages of our lowest paid and a drop in crime.

I realise this isn’t a budgetary measure, Rachel, you’ll need to persuade Starmer.

In fact, he can copy and paste this page too. No charge, Sir Keir.
Just a bit of advice freely given to get our country moving again.