For several days now, I have struggled to read the tragic testimony of Trudi Burgess, the teacher left tetraplegic after a violent attack by her ex partner, Robert Easom.
But read about it we must – and repeat it here, I must – because while Burgess’s experience is utterly horrifying, the situation that led to it is terrifyingly common.
Domestic abuse is something that one in four women in England and Wales will experience during their lives. I’ll say that again: a quarter of the females you know will at some point experience abuse from a partner.
Perhaps you, like me, are part of the one in four.
Or maybe you’ve been ‘lucky’ enough only to have relationships rooted in respect.
Whatever the case, most of us will have struggled to read Burgess’s harrowing evidence, which was made by video from the specialist spinal injuries unit where she is still recovering, ten months on from the devastating attack.
A jury this week took just 27 minutes to convict Easom, 56, of grievous bodily harm with intent, and he will be sentenced early next year.
The moment that would change Burgess’s life for ever came in February of this year. After enduring years of abuse, Burgess had plucked up the courage to tell Easom that she was ending their relationship. It was then that he flew into a ‘blind’ and ‘uncontrollable’ rage.
Robert Easom left his partner, Trudi Burgess, paralysed after attacking her when she told him she was leaving him
When questioned by police, Robert Easom (pictured) claimed he and Trudi Burgess had been involved in a ‘play fight that went wrong’. While Burgess’s experience is utterly horrifying, the situation that led to it is terrifyingly common, writes Bryony Gordon
‘He got hold of my head, and pushed it with both his hands down, it felt like it just folded in(to) my chest,’ sobbed the 57-year old, in evidence shown to the jury. ‘I’ve never felt anything like it, I felt my neck break, and I started to feel that I was going numb…’ When questioned by police, Easom claimed he and Burgess had been involved in a ‘play fight that went wrong’. Detective Constable Bethanie Kirk, of Lancashire Police, described him as ‘a manipulative and controlling individual with a warped sense of entitlement and repulsive views towards women’.
And yet despite such a clear statement about Easom’s manipulative character, all the reports still try to make sense of how a woman could end up in a relationship with someone so evil.
So we learn that Burgess was vulnerable when she met the man who would go on to paralyse her; that her husband had recently died of brain cancer; that Easom had initially been charming but had eventually turned and trapped her in a ‘cycle of abuse’ that featured periods of remorse.
It was reading about these chilling moments of remorse that I was taken back to an abusive relationship I had almost 25 years ago, one I was ‘lucky’ to leave with only bruises.
Paul, as I shall call him here, was exceptionally handsome, funny and charming, but he’d turn without warning. One moment he’d be charm personified, the next he would be ranting and raving in a ball of rage that only dissipated after he had resorted to physical violence: a broken chair, a smashed glass and then, eventually, my arm, slammed in a door.
Another time he ripped a necklace from my throat. It had been a 21st birthday gift from my mother a few weeks before, but it lay in pieces on the floor, looking as flimsy as his temper.
The next morning, I woke up with bruises shaped like his fingers on my upper arms, and a boyfriend who was filled with remorse. The bad times were always sandwiched in these declarations of love, of him not being able to live without me. I was a fly caught in a spider’s web, and I couldn’t for the life of me work out how it had happened.
I still have nightmares about that time: nightmares that focus not just on the behaviour of my ex, but also of someone close to me, who afterwards, when I told them the truth about this man, replied that I could be ‘a bit tricky’. Attitudes towards domestic violence are better now, though barely.
The police receive a domestic abuse-related call every 30 seconds, but this is thought to be the tip of the iceberg, with less than 24 per cent of it actually being reported to authorities. On average, one woman is killed by an abusive partner or ex every five days; three women a week will die by suicide as a result of domestic abuse.
The problem is not only experienced by women, of course, but it is mostly caused by men, with 93 per cent of defendants in domestic abuse cases being male and 84 per cent of victims being female.
And yet again and again, women are called upon to explain how they ended up with highly manipulative narcissists, or why they couldn’t leave.
And again and again, I am left wondering how much safer the world would be, if only we’d focus instead on asking men like Robert Easom why they won’t stop abusing and coercing their victims.
Thanks for sticking up for addicts like me, Kate
It’s Addiction Awareness Week and the Princess of Wales, who is patron of charity The Forward Trust that supports people with drug and alcohol problems, spoke of showing ‘compassion and love’ to people affected by addiction.
Predictably, her words were met with, er, judgement by the usual closed minded pillocks who believe addicts should all suffer. Thank goodness for Catherine. Addicts and alcoholics are lucky to have such a sensible person sticking up for us.
Surely we only grow up at 52?
I was fascinated to read that scientists now believe adolescence actually lasts well into the 30s, with the brain staying in a teenage state until 32… because I’m in my 40s and I still feel like Kevin The Teenager every time I wake up in the morning. Are they sure they don’t mean 52?
Proof it’s so sexy to play hard to get
I’m not a Wicked fan, but I very much am a Jonathan Bailey fan, so off I trundled to the cinema last weekend to watch him get turned into a scarecrow in the concluding part of the movie adaptation.
The 37-year-old Bridgerton star is fantastic to watch even when made entirely from straw, and I quite agree with People magazine’s decision to crown him the Sexiest Man Alive.
Refreshingly, Bailey is openly gay, which means I don’t stand a chance, but maybe that’s why he’s so attractive – after all, there’s nothing we women find sexier than a man who plays hard to get.
Bah humbug to early trees!
Lady Beckham has revealed her Christmas tree already – and she is not the only one going early on the festivities.
I’ve been amazed by all the twinkling lights I’ve seen walking past living room windows this week and it’s not even December.
Won’t all the trees have lost their spruce by the time everyone’s actually sitting down to eat their turkey?
Bah humbug to early Christmas trees, I say!
A study has found being famous is as bad for your health as smoking, with successful singers dying on average four years earlier than their non-famous equivalents. Researchers think the higher mortality rate is partly because of ‘harmful coping mechanisms’ such as drink and drugs, and that fame should be recognised as a ‘serious health threat requiring preventative measures’. I thought that was what all the money was for: to pay their therapist’s bills.
