For years, Trish was one of Hannah Pittard’s closest friends.
They had met as graduate students in 2003.
‘I was shy, introverted and being at university helped me come out of my shell. Whereas Trish was everything I had never been – confident, outgoing and comfortable in her own skin,’ Hannah tells me.
In Hannah’s eyes, Trish was one of the ‘cool, popular kids’. Drinks were bought for her on nights out, she knew all the bartenders, and she got into nightclubs for free.
Soon after they became friends, Trish introduced Hannah to Patrick. Together, they bonded over games of Scrabble.
‘We had overlapping tastes in books, music and songwriters. He was a cool, smart guy and a good musician,’ she says.
After three years as just friends, Patrick and Hannah started dating.
And that’s when Hannah’s problems with Trish began.
Once she began dating Patrick, Hannah immediately became wary of her close friend Trish
‘From the time that Trish introduced me to Patrick, she indicated that she thought that he was really cute, and that she would have had a crush on him if she didn’t have a boyfriend,’ Hannah says.
‘When Patrick and I first started dating, I sensed a very competitive streak, a really ugly competitive streak from her that would often only come out when she was drinking.
‘There were a lot of moments where I paused and I thought to myself, “This is somebody who wants what I have.”‘
Even after Trish married her long-time boyfriend, tensions simmered.
‘Whenever the four of us would hang out, I became the quiet caretaker,’ Hannah says.
She wasn’t a big drinker like the others, and their nights out would often end with her arguing with Patrick over something or other.
‘I stopped trusting her but I didn’t stop having fun with her. But she would affect my confidence,’ she says of her fragile friendship with Trish.
Hannah repeatedly asked Patrick if they could cut Trish and her husband out of their lives – or, at the very least, spend less time with them.
But Patrick was always resistant.
When Hannah (pictured on her wedding day) got married, she didn’t want Trish to attend the nuptials, but Patrick persuaded her
Hannah says the first two years of her marriage were ‘wonderful’, but over time things became ‘tainted by money concerns’
When Hannah was staying with her gay friend Hugh in New York City, he told her she should be ‘more suspicious’. It took her a moment to realise he was trying to tell her something
In 2006, Hannah and Patrick married.
‘I wanted a small wedding, or rather didn’t want one at all because I didn’t want to be the centre of attention. But Patrick and my sister talked me into it,’ Hannah says.
‘When I finally started planning it I became excited, but I still wanted it small. I also didn’t want Trish and her husband there, whereas he did. I didn’t trust how she would behave.’
True to form, Patrick convinced her to have the couple at their big day.
Hannah says the first two years of her marriage were ‘wonderful’ – but over time things became ‘tainted by money concerns’.
‘Money was a big deal and I was always worried about rent, bills and if we were spending too much,’ Hannah says.
The relationship suffered as a result, and the two grew distant.
‘We weren’t communicating well and I stopped being accommodating,’ she says.
By July 2016, the couple were like passing ships in the night.
Patrick travelled to France then New York for work. When he returned, it was Hannah’s turn to go to the Big Apple for her book launch.
When she arrived, she went for dinner with her friend Hugh, who had known Patrick since college and had put him up the week before.
After their meal, Hannah went back to Hugh’s to spend the night.
‘I slept on an air mattress in the living room and, like teenagers at a sleepover, we just started talking and somehow got on the topic of people we were suspicious of,’ she says.
‘You should be more suspicious,’ Hugh told her, cryptically.
‘That’s a very mysterious thing to say,’ Hannah remarked. Hugh looked at her intently and said: ‘You should ask me questions.’
Hannah realised her friend was trying to tell her something.
‘Did something happen when my husband was in town last week?’ she asked.
Hugh nodded.
When Hannah asked Hugh if her husband had sex with someone else, he said ‘yes’.
In that moment, Hannah knew who it was.
‘Was it Trish?’
Hugh nodded. He had learned about the affair when Patrick was in NYC the week before on holiday. He’d dropped his bags at Hugh’s apartment, then left to spend the night with Trish.
Hannah couldn’t even cry. She just felt numb.
She went up to the rooftop to call her sister, who was ‘shocked but not surprised’ by Patrick’s affair.
‘I went back down to Hugh’s apartment and, surprisingly, had the best sleep I’d had in a long time. I generally don’t sleep well and was sleeping on an air mattress that night,’ Hannah says.
She woke at 5am and sent a text to Trish saying she wanted to talk.
When they spoke an hour later, she said: ‘I think Patrick had sex with someone.’
Trish was silent.
‘I think he had sex with you,’ Hannah pressed.
More silence. Then Trish said: ‘I think you should speak to your husband about this.’
Hannah hung up the phone. Minutes later, Trish called back and confessed to having slept with Patrick ‘more than once’.
‘I think he did this intentionally. I think he was trying to drive a wedge between us. He told me that you’ve always been jealous of me,’ Trish said to Hannah.
Hannah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. After years of tension, Trish was now saying it was all Patrick’s idea – a ploy to break up their friendship.
After Trish’s confession, she waited for Patrick to call. She knew he would.
‘I made the decision not to leave the apartment until I heard from him. I had my book launch that evening and didn’t want to be out in public if he called. He rang around noon,’ Hannah says.
‘I answered the phone and he said, “Wow, you sound mad.”‘
Like Trish, Patrick admitted to everything. When Hannah asked him if he was in love with Trish, he answered, ‘Yes, but it’s complicated.’
Despite her marriage falling apart, Hannah attended her book launch – it was a success. She even kept her composure as she read a section of her book in front of dozens of people.
Afterwards, she went out for dinner with Hugh and his partner.
‘We went to a French bistro and spoke about the situation, which felt surreal. Then once we had finished our food, it hit me and I just started bawling. Hugh put his hand over mine from across the table, as if he was waiting for that moment,’ Hannah says.
That night, Patrick flew to New York and called her. He was desperate to talk – but not because he wanted to salvage their marriage.
He was staying with Trish.
‘I could hear her in the background, then we started screaming at each other. I told him he couldn’t come to see me and how it was so unfair,’ she recalls.
The next morning, Hannah attended a promotional event for her book, then boarded the train to Washington, D.C.
Several phone conversations with Patrick followed. He was apologetic, tearful.
Hannah was crying so much in the train carriage that when the man next to her got up to leave, he said: ‘Whatever it is, it’s probably going to be okay. And if it’s not, there are probably people who love you.’
He meant well, but it only made her cry even more. She knew her marriage was over.
Hannah started divorce proceedings the moment she got home. Within 18 months, Patrick and Trish were married.
During Covid, Hannah wrote her memoir We Are Too Many about her experience. She is now in a happy new relationship but doesn’t plan to marry again.
*Names have been changed
