Given the choice, would you want to know if your man is cheating on you?
As a body language expert who has worked with tens of thousands of business and private clients, I’m here to tell you that – despite what we tell ourselves – most of us wouldn’t.
Women sit across from me, in consultations, workshops, or even in quiet, one-on-one conversations with friends, and they already know something is off but don’t want to admit it.
What they’re really asking me when they open up about their suspicions is whether or not they can trust their own instincts.
‘Am I crazy?’ they ask, lowering their voice. ‘Or is he actually cheating on me?’
Let me be very clear right out of the gate: you aren’t paranoid and your intuition isn’t steering you wrong. Intuition is actually a form of data, and it should be used. The body never lies, even when untruths are tumbling right out of a man’s gorgeous mouth.
I’ve spent decades studying nonverbal communication. I am trained and certified in Analytic Interviewing and Statement Analysis and work with CEOs of corporations including Louis Vuitton and Coca-Cola, media luminaries, and celebrities, helping them negotiate deals more effectively and connect on a deeper level.
My years of training have shown me that some of the clearest deception signals don’t happen in interrogation rooms. Instead, they happen in kitchens, on couches and in the beds you once felt safe in.
Linda Clemons is trained and certified in Analytic Interviewing and Statement Analysis and works with CEOs, media luminaries, and celebrities
In the film Love Actually, Emma Thompson’s character Karen instinctively thought that her husband Harry, played by Alan Rickman, was cheating on her
Because when someone is cheating, their body starts running two operating systems at once. And eventually, the glitches start to show.
The first sign isn’t what you think
Most people expect cheating to show up in the form of your man flirting with another woman in the corner at a party, phone obsession, or secretive behavior.
Those traits might appear, but the first major shift appears in his ‘presence.’ He’s still physically there, but energetically absent.
Let me tell you what I mean. He doesn’t settle easily into a room anymore, his movements feel rushed or oddly distant. When you speak, his body angles away instead of toward you. His shoulders close inward like he’s trying to hide. Even his feet provide a clue. His feet point toward exits as if he can’t wait to get up and get out.
These are not accidents. A man who is emotionally invested stays oriented toward his partner. A man who is splitting his attention between two women starts acting guarded in his space, and while that guarding is subconscious it declares silently: ‘I’m cheating.’
The disappearing eye contact
Eye contact is intimacy currency. When someone is honest and connected, eye contact is fluid. It comes and goes naturally, softening and synching up with a partner throughout a conversation.
When someone is hiding something, eye contact becomes strategic and shows up in two different ways. He may avoid it altogether, suddenly finding his phone, the TV, the dog, or even the ceiling endlessly fascinating. Or he may overdo it, holding eye contact just a beat too long, as if he’s trying to prove his loyalty.
Neither of these forms of eye contact are neutral and both of them are red flags.
Most people expect cheating to show up in the form of your man flirting with another woman in the corner at a party
Avoidance says: ‘I don’t want to be seen.’
Overcompensation says: ‘Please believe me.’
The voice drop that is barely perceptible
Here’s one clear sign that most people miss. When men lie, especially about emotional or sexual betrayal, their voices often drop in volume rather than pitch.
This is a subconscious attempt to control the interaction and to keep the conversation contained. Answers become shorter, less descriptive, and emotionally flat.
Imagine you ask a question that should invite an explanation, like: ‘You got home really late last night. Were you working late? Is everything okay at work?’
Instead of an answer, you get the verbal version of a shrug.
‘It’s nothing.’
‘It’s fine.’
When men lie, their voices often drop in volume rather than pitch, according to Clemons
‘You’re overthinking.’
That’s not reassurance. That’s deflection, and deflection always appears with tension in the body and a lowering of the voice.
The sudden change in touch
This one hurts, so I’m going to say it gently, but clearly. When a man is cheating, touch becomes inconsistent.
He may pull away from casual intimacy, no hand on your back, no knee brushing yours, no absent-minded contact.
Or he may suddenly increase sexual touch while avoiding emotional closeness.
Both of these are compensation patterns. The body knows where loyalty lives, and when that loyalty shifts, touch either disappears or becomes performative.
Real intimacy is relaxed, while cheating energy is tight and reserved.
His body guards his phone like it contains classified information
This isn’t about privacy. This is about protective behavior.
If he’s constantly hiding his phone, you’re right to be suspicious
If his phone suddenly lives face-down all the time, if he angles the screen away from you, or he physically moves his body to block your view, he’s doing what’s called ‘object shielding,’ and it’s a classic nonverbal indicator of concealment.
People shield what threatens their story, often making a woman feel like they’ve suddenly been demoted from partner to outsider.
The exit-ready posture
Watch his feet. As I said before, the feet are honest, and they point themselves toward desire and away from discomfort.
If his feet consistently angle toward doorways, hallways, or open space when you’re talking, and especially during emotional conversations, it’s a telltale sign that his body is preparing to leave, even if his words say otherwise.
The same goes for leaning away, crossed arms, or sitting at the edge of seats. Connection settles in while deception stays ready to run.
The emotional lag
One of the most overlooked signs of cheating is the ‘emotional delay.’
You react to something, and it doesn’t matter if you’re happy or upset – but you’ll notice his response arrives just a moment too late. Not because he didn’t hear you, but because he was somewhere else.
That lag comes from a cognitive load. When someone is managing two emotional realities, their reactions lose synchronicity.
A scene from the movie Love Actually when the character Karen receives a CD instead of the necklace she knows her husband bought. This increases her suspicion he was having an affair
This can be very subtle, but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
The ‘why are you asking?’ tell
This one is a classic and should not be overlooked. You ask a reasonable question. His response isn’t an answer, it’s a counterattack.
‘Why do you want to know?’
‘Why are you so suspicious?’
‘Why can’t you just trust me?’
Notice what didn’t happen there? He didn’t answer the question.
When people are innocent, they clarify with an appropriate answer. When they’re hiding something, they flip the spotlight back on to you.
Deflection is not defense, it’s a form of avoidance.
How guilt shows up in the body
Guilt leaks if you know what to look for. It shows up as sudden generosity that feels off whether it’s due to over-complimenting, giving of random gifts, or unprompted praise that doesn’t match the emotional temperature of the relationship.
This is called ‘restorative behavior’ and it’s an unconscious attempt to rebalance internal discomfort.
Guilt doesn’t always look like withdrawal; it can also be a form of overcorrection, and your body notices the mismatch before your mind does.
You may feel your shoulders tense up or your body leaning away, even though you’re not sure why.
What women get wrong about ‘proof’
Here’s the real deal. You don’t need screenshots, a confession, and you don’t need to catch him in the act to know he’s cheating. His body has already provided the evidence and you need to be aware to collect it.
Women are taught to distrust their instincts, to wait for undeniable proof, but nonverbal communication is proof, just not the kind that comes with timestamps on photos.
You don’t need to catch him in the act to know he’s cheating
When behavior changes without explanation, when energy shifts without acknowledgment, when your body feels unsettled due to your partner’s behavior, it’s a clear as day signal that something has changed. Ignoring all this doesn’t protect you, it simply disconnects you from the truth.
This is not about accusation, it’s about clarity. Before confronting him, ground yourself. Take note of patterns, not single moments of behavior. One behavior could be a fluke, but a cluster is a direct message.
Ask open-ended questions and watch his body respond before his words do. And above all, trust the part of you that noticed the shift in the first place.
Because here’s the thing no one else but me is going to say. The most dangerous lie isn’t the one he tells you, it’s the one you tell yourself when you decide not to listen.
Of course, cheating is not limited to men – women have affairs too, though their motivation tends to come from a need for emotional intimacy, whereas men are usually in it for the sex.
The nonverbal signals when women are having an affair start with behavioral changes such as secrecy, avoiding eye contact, dressing differently and avoiding intimacy.
They can even start arguments.
Either way, you are not paranoid, you are perceptive. Your body is fluent in truth, and once you learn how to read it, you stop second-guessing what you already know.
The signs were never invisible, they were just quiet. But now you have the tools to hear them.
Linda Clemons’ new book, Hush: How to Radiate Power and Confidence Without Saying a Word is published by Legacy Lit, January 6
