DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I’m in love with is caring, sexy and completely gorgeous. She is also an escort.
We have the most wonderful times together and I can’t believe she is like this with every other customer.
I’m 32 and she’s 26. I’ve used escorts for sex numerous times but I’ve never felt like this. She blows my mind.
I met her a couple of weeks ago on an adult site.
She didn’t advertise that she was an escort but agreed to meet me after I sent her a photo.
We met at her flat and instantly there was a connection like I’ve never experienced before.
We sat and talked and she explained how she became an escort. She was open and honest and told me she had a two-year-old son.
I felt so comfortable talking to her. It was as if we were old friends catching up after knowing each other for years.
We talked for a couple of hours before we had sex.
It was the best I have ever had. She was awesome and so passionate.
The next time we met, we even spent the night together and she refused the extra money I wanted to give her.
Since that night I can’t stop thinking about her or the time that we spend together.
I dream about being with her permanently. But I know I wouldn’t want her to work as an escort any longer.
I can’t decide whether I should tell her how I feel.
This is the first time that I’ve wanted to make a commitment to any woman. I really just don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: She might feel the same way but I need to impress upon you that she may also see you as no more than just a lucrative client.
She could be playing you along.
And I’m sorry to burst your bubble but she is unlikely to see you as a life partner. She is doing a job.
However, you need to have a serious talk and ask her what she wants from all this.
An escort gives you intimacy, but it is nothing like the sex with a woman who you know well, care for and, most importantly, who cares for you.
If she admits she does not see a future together with you, you need to be firm with yourself and rearrange your life to give yourself the best chance of meeting someone who wants to have a proper relationship with you.
In that case my support pack on Finding The Love Of Your Life can help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
HE’S OFF SEX SINCE THE BABY
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband hasn’t wanted sex since our son, who is now three, was born. The passion has dwindled to nothing.
I am 31 and my husband is 34. We have been married for eight years.
At first, everything was great and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
We have had our fair share of money problems which put a strain on our relationship, but we have recently been able to pay off our debts and I thought everything was good.
However, my husband is still not interested. I know he pleases himself because I can hear him when he thinks I am asleep. It makes me feel worthless and unloved.
I have tried to talk to him about it but he always becomes angry and defensive and storms off.
I feel as though I am pestering him if I suggest having sex. The constant rejection is really starting to get to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: He may find it hard to see you as both a mother and a desirable woman. It is a known form of sexual inhibition.
He might also find it difficult to get the image of childbirth out of his head, or feel guilty about having put you through a painful experience.
Tell him how hurt and rejected you feel. It is important to resolve such a fundamental issue in your relationship, if only for your son’s sake.
My support pack, Sex Problems After A Baby, will help you both better understand and resolve this.
NIGHTMARE OVER NOISY NEIGHBOUR
DEAR DEIDRE: OUR neighbours have ruined the peace in our road with their noisy all-night parties. It keeps me and my children awake. We are exhausted.
I don’t object to them having dos, but it is the noise level and the duration that I feel is unacceptable.
I am a 34-year-old single mum. My girls are six and eight. Our road was quiet until a young couple moved in a couple of doors down.
Sometimes they will have parties in the week which go on until sunrise. I hear their friends arriving in the early hours. They shout and laugh and slam their car doors, which wakes up me and my children.
My kids have become really grumpy in the mornings, and I’m struggling to get them to school.
Their teachers have reported they are finding it hard to stay awake. I have tried asking the neighbours to quieten down but they just tell me to get lost and the parties continue.
DEIDRE SAYS: This is unacceptable. Speak to your other neighbours.
If you get together as a group to ask this couple to cut down the noise they may take notice.
Suggest they keep their partying to occasional weekends.
Call the police when the noise is at its worst if they ignore you and keep a diary of every party.
My support pack Nuisance Neighbours may help but if you’ve exhausted all channels, make a complaint through your council.
JEALOUS BLOKE DRIVING ME MAD
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M dreading going away with my boyfriend and some of our mates as I know that it will become a holiday from hell. I don’t want to spend that much time with him.
I am 28 and he is 29. We have been together for three years but I can’t stand how jealous he gets. It makes my blood boil.
He constantly brings up historical issues and makes nasty comments, like the time I went travelling with a pal a few years ago. It’s only because he has never done it.
He can’t stand me having friends. He was very mean to me recently when I went into town to have lunch with a pal. A few days later, we visited his family and he was making sarcastic comments about my friend the whole time.
Now, we have a holiday booked for New Year with eight of our friends.
We were out with them a few nights ago and my sister rang me. She has just come out of hospital after having a minor operation.
I popped outside where it was quieter, to speak to her, but even then my boyfriend wasn’t happy. He does my head in.
Despite insisting he has changed, he clearly hasn’t. I am beginning to think that I can’t go on this break with him.
DEIDRE SAYS: His jealousy and controlling behaviour are totally unreasonable, but the reason may lie in a family background which left him feeling unable to rely on anyone he loves.
Tell him that he needs to face up to his insecurity and unless you see a real change in his behaviour, perhaps with the help of a counsellor, you worry about the holiday and for the future of your relationship.
Explain that his actions are killing your love for him and will eventually drive you away.
It will only get worse if you don’t address the problem. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, explains self-help for you both.
