Relationship therapists have revealed why it can be near impossible to heal a rift with a woman who has married into the family – especially if she is more dominant than her spouse.
Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz- who have been married since 2022 – raised eyebrows after they didn’t show up at David’s 50th birthday celebrations earlier this month.
It is believed that the couple decided to skip the milestone birthday, despite being in England where it was held. David and Victoria are said to be ‘absolutely furious’ about the firstborn and Nicola, 30, snubbing his family, a source told the Mail’s Katie Hind.
One long-standing friend of Victoria and David claimed to Alison Boshoff that Posh Spice ‘feels betrayed’ by her son and is ‘fairy open among her close friends about ‘what a viper Nicola is,’ with rumours swirling of a feud between the Beckhams.
Their alleged family quarrel has been compared to ‘Megxit’ – when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle left their duties as working royals in Britain to live in sunny Montecito.
The Duke of Sussex recently made headlines after telling the BBC that his father, King Charles, ‘won’t speak to me’ and alluded to the King’s health by saying ‘I don’t know how much longer my father has left’ – which also ruffled feathers.
Both Nicola and the Duchess of Sussex have been described as headstrong characters, with King Charles allegedly nicknaming Meghan ‘Tungsten,’ to signify her strength and resilience. Whereas Peltz admitted in 2022 that growing up with brothers ‘made me confident in who I am’.
According to Dr Sarah Davies, a chartered counselling psychologist, Harry and Brooklyn may have fallen in love with Nicola and Meghan because they represent the women they grew up around – ‘highly accomplished’ and ‘intelligent’ Princess Diana and Victoria Beckham.
Harry and Meghan look loved up as they are pictured during their trip to Colombia last August
Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz- who have been married since 2022 – raised eyebrows after they didn’t show up at David’s 50th birthday celebrations earlier this month
‘I think if you look at the mothers of Brooklyn and Harry, they arguably both have strong, highly accomplished, intelligent, press savvy, business savvy women for mothers,’ she said.
‘It’s not a huge surprise that they are now both with strong female partners.
‘They probably also both have a bit of a rebellious streak in them. So rather than conforming with the typical family protocol, they are stretching their wings to find their own way.
‘This is often what happens with the scapegoat child in the family or the child who feels a bit like the odd one out of the family for whatever reason.’
Sarah, who is based in London and authored Raised By Narcissists, also said that someone who is feeling lost in life may seek out a partner who can take the lead.
She said: ‘I think often when you are a child growing up in a high profile family there can be a bit of a wrestle to find your place. Especially when family are famous or in the public eye for who they are or their achievements.
‘You can grow up struggling with your own sense of identity. So in that sense, somebody who might be feeling a little unsure or lost may well be attracted to a strong character with a strong sense of identity.’
It has been said that Nicola and Victoria Beckham’s fall out dates back to 2022 – the year she and Brooklyn married. Posh Spice was allegedly upset that the actress decided on three white dresses for her special day from designers Valentino, Dior and Versace but nothing from her own collection, Victoria Beckham.
It is thought that Victoria and David ‘are furious’ that Nicola and Brooklyn allegedly skipped the birthday celebration
The Duchess of Sussex and the late Queen Elizabeth are pictured at the Queen’s Young Leaders Awards Ceremony at Buckingham Palace in June 2018
In, these kinds of family rifts ‘don’t usually happen because of one big argument’, according to relationship expert Hope Flynn, founder of So What? Community.
She told FEMAIL: ‘It’s what follows after that really does the damage. Healing takes time, emotional maturity, honest conversations and real willingness to see things from all perspectives.’
A failure to do this means the rift may never be healed, she explained, saying: ‘If one side refuses to engage, whether it’s out of pride, hurt or just wanting to stay in control, then resentment starts to settle in. And once silence becomes easier than sorting it out, that distance hardens.
‘It can be really tough but without real effort from everyone involved those cracks quickly turn into permanent divides.’
Meanwhile, a source close to the family claimed that despite the Beckhams trying to patch things up, Nicola has apparently ‘taken over’ and has become ‘the boss’, much to the dismay of Victoria.
‘This is a takeover situation and it is all about the relationship between Victoria Beckham and Nicola. In some ways, Brooklyn has married his mother in Nicola,’ said the friend.
‘Nicola is a very strong woman and she wants to build her own family brand.’
Psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur believes that when the respect is gone between a married couple and their in-laws, the relationship can become impossible to heal.
‘I think when the respect is gone, when there’s too much said, and it can’t be retracted back, and I think when people think don’t want to even make amends on this and cannot be bothered repairing the relationship, then it’s never going to get fixed,’ she said.
Kamalyn believes that Brooklyn and Harry have done what most men would – put their own families first.
‘If you look at them as men, just independent men, without any status attached to them, they’ve actually just done what every man does, which is focus on his family, focus on his partner, and focus on their children and protect their children,’ she said.
‘So the first similarity is that there’s been a reorder of emotional priorities, where both men have [seemingly] picked their partners over their own family.
Nicola Peltz is pictured beaming as she poses for a picture with her husband Brooklyn Beckham
Pictured L-R: Mia Regan, Romeo Beckham, Cruz Beckham, Harper Beckham, David Beckham, Victoria Beckham, Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz attend the premiere of Beckham for Netflix in 2023
Brooklyn Beckham is snapped with his mother Victoria Beckham at the Tate Modern in 2019 – around the same time he started dating Nicola
‘The second thing is that in both of the situations, there’s been a new culture and value system that’s been introduced by their respective partners.’
Danny Zane, a therapist at North London Therapy, said that deep-rooted disagreements and unresolved conflicts can cause the gap between two sets of families to widen and become more fragmented.
He said: ‘There are times when a rift between a couple and his parents can become very difficult, if not impossible, to heal. Deep-rooted disagreements, unresolved conflicts, and different values can create a family divide. If people don’t communicate properly, or if people are unwilling to compromise, misunderstandings can escalate.’
Danny believes that this can often be because of unresolved childhood trauma, loyalty conflicts, or long-standing family patterns that can shape adult behaviour.
Brooklyn and Nicola, who started dating in 2019, are thought to be much closer to the Peltz side of the family, given that they live closer to one another and Brooklyn, 26, gets on well with his brothers-in-law Will and Brad.
They also live closer to Peltz’s multi-millionaire family, with Brooklyn and Nicola residing in Los Angeles and the Peltzes in Florida – while the Beckhams remain in London.
Dating coach Adam Lyons from Austin, Texas, says that a difference in personality may be the reason why tensions are high.
‘Both Brooklyn and Harry are more reserved, while Nicola and Meghan are confident and assertive,’ he said.
‘However, assertiveness can sometimes be perceived as dominance, which might create friction in family interactions.’
He also believes that Brooklyn and Harry now rely more on their spouses rather than their families, showing their close bond.
Kamalyn believes that Brooklyn and Harry have done what most men would – put their own families first
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are pictured smiling at Beyonce’s concert at the start of the month
Adam, who founded Ask the Dating Coach, said: ‘Both Brooklyn and Harry seem to lean more on their spouses than their families now.
‘Brooklyn’s close bond with Nicola, including their professional collaborations, shows she’s his main support system. Harry has openly prioritised Meghan and their kids, redefining his support structure.
‘This shift is normal in marriage, but it can cause tension if families feel replaced rather than included.’
Some have drawn comparisons between Meghan and Nicola, as the two women were described by Amanda Platell as ‘aspiring B-list actresses who never made their big break into Hollywood as they’d dreamed’.
They live less than 100 miles away from each other – Meghan in a $14.5million mansion in Montecito, and Nicola in a $10.5million Beverly Hills home.
Meghan and Nicola are also both into social activism, with Meghan becoming a prominent campaigner on issues such as mental health and online misinformation.
Nicola meanwhile has been outspoken about the difficulties facing sex workers: last year, she directed her first film Lola, about a struggling stripper.
The women also have a similar age gap in their relationships with men who are slightly younger than them – Meghan is 43 while Harry is 40, and Nicola is 30 while Brooklyn is 26.
Consultant counselling psychologist Dr Ritz Birah says that while arguments may appear to be over a partner – it could actually be underlying issues within the family itself.
Brooklyn and Nicola packed on the PDA at at the premiere of Lola last February and she posed with mother-in-law Victoria
She said: ‘What often appears as a conflict about the wife is actually a manifestation of unresolved patterns in the man’s relationship with his own parents.
‘If he was raised in an environment where loyalty was conflated with silence, or love was conditional on obedience, he may unconsciously recreate those dynamics in adulthood.
‘This could leave his partner feeling unprotected or misunderstood. The wife becomes a symbol of disruption, but the roots of discomfort lie in how the family system responds to change and individuality.’
She said that family rifts may seem ‘impossible’ to resolve, especially when a party is unwilling to reflect or ‘take responsibility’.
The founder of Reflect with Dr Ritz said: ‘Healing requires emotional maturity, a willingness to feel discomfort, and a shift from blame to understanding.
‘If one or more people remain entrenched in defensiveness or denial, the space for re-connection shrinks.
‘In some cases, maintaining distance becomes the only path to emotional safety, especially if staying close means constant rupture, invalidation, or being made to choose sides.’
