One night in December 2014, two policemen knocked on the front door of Ray Lakeman and his wife Sarah.
They had come to tell them that their only children, Jacques, 20, and Torin, 19, had both lost their lives in the same night, after an overdose of MDMA – they had taken enough for 30 people.
Mr Lakeman, of Port Saint Mary, Isle of Man, told MailOnline: ‘They said it was both of them. It’s indescribable really. I can’t really put it into words.’
Careers, marriage, children: these are all the milestones his sons have missed, the 74-year-old retired school teacher said: ‘It is very difficult when our friends, their kids, they’re having children, they’re getting married. They’re all grandparents now and things like that. It’s all gone.
‘I was just talking to a woman today who’s just became a grandparent for the first time and she’s really excited. It didn’t just take the boys’ future away, it took ours away as well.’
Their father has spent the more than ten years since their deaths campaigning for reform of drug laws – striving to replace bans and criminalisation, with a regulated, legal market.
He said: ‘Unfortunately, just talking about prohibition – it would be lovely if it worked but it hasn’t. And I’ve come to believe that the only thing that we can do is regulate it so there’s a supply of regulated drugs that will be relatively safe. It will never be completely safe.’
His sons’ deaths, he said, were ‘unnecessary’: ‘They’re like collateral in the war on drugs… If they were going to take it, they should have known exactly what it was they were taking.’
They had come to tell them that their only children, Jacques, 20, and Torin, 19, had both lost their lives in the same night, after an overdose of MDMA – they had taken enough for 30 people. Pictured: Jacques and Torin as children, with their father Ray Lakeman
Mr Lakeman, of Port Saint Mary, Isle of Man, told MailOnline: ‘They said it was both of them. It’s indescribable really. I can’t really put it into words’. Pictured: Jacques, left, and Torin, right, with their parents, centre, when they were awarded certificates at a public speaking competition
Careers, marriage, children: these are all the milestones his sons have missed, the 74-year-old retired school teacher said: ‘It is very difficult’. Pictured: The boys rehearsing with their band Freaky Stiltskin and the Hot Rocks
Jacques and Torin were only 15 months apart in age: ‘They were very, very close. They were more like twins. They literally did everything together.’
From football to swimming, chess, sailing, dinghy racing around the island and competing in an annual Manx music, speech and dance competition, with both winning awards for public speaking – the boys did it all.
Both were also keen musicians, doing workshops at the prestigious Sylvia Young Theatre School in London. Jacques in particular was ‘exceptionally good’, playing guitar in bands with older, more experienced musicians from around the age of 15.
Mr Lakeman said: ‘If there was anything that they took an interest in or we thought they would like, we encouraged them to have a go at it. It all seemed to be going very well.’
In 2014, Jacques was working in a hotel in London and living with his grandmother while pursuing music there and Torin was in his second year of university in Aberystwyth, studying astrophysics.
It was the first time in their lives the boys had ever really been apart.
Mr Lakeman had bought his football-mad sons tickets to watch a Manchester United game at Old Trafford at the end of November.
Jacques (pictured) and Torin were only 15 months apart in age: ‘They were very, very close. They were more like twins. They literally did everything together’
He said: ‘It was the first time they’d ever been away, the first time they’d ever done anything like that together.’
The boys met up as planned in Manchester on Saturday, November 29 – but they did not return home to London and Aberystwyth when expected the next day.
At around 6.30pm on Sunday, Mr Lakeman said: ‘I rang my mum up, as I usually did on a Sunday, to see how she was and have a chat with [Jacques]. And she said, “He hasn’t got back”.’
Jacques and his grandmother usually went to a pub quiz on a Sunday evening – so it was unlike him to not be back. They phoned both boys but neither picked up.
When it got to around midnight and neither son had returned home, he said: ‘We knew something had happened.’
They reported them missing immediately and spent Monday doing everything they could to investigate: ‘We rang up the police in Manchester and they said, “They probably met a couple of girls”, and this, that and the other.
‘We said, “No, no, that’s just not the way, that’s not them”.’
The Metropolitan Police and officers in Aberystwyth were involved too – and Mr Lakeman even rang Manchester United itself: ‘They said they had some information for us but they couldn’t give it, couldn’t tell us exactly what was happening because of data protection.’
In 2014, Jacques was working in a hotel in London and living with his grandmother while pursuing music there and Torin (pictured) was in his second year of university in Aberystwyth, studying astrophysics
‘There was obviously a reason for it’, he said, a delay while the police finished investigating. At around 8pm, officers knocked on the Lakemans’ door: ‘We knew.
‘Well, all day, you know, you come up with, you try to think of implausible things, anything rather than face up to the fact that you know that something terrible has really happened.’
‘We just hoped that they were true’, he said – but by that stage, their sons had been missing for around 36 hours.
He continued: ‘My wife said, “Have you come to tell us something that we already know?” That was the first thing my wife said before [the officers] had even got in the room, practically.
‘Then, they said it was both of them. It’s indescribable really. I can’t really put it into words.’
The boys had been found in a room above a pub in Bolton, where they had been staying. All the parents were told at that point was that their sons had ‘imbibed’ something.
Within ten days of their sons’ first trip away from home together, the Lakemans had the boys cremated.
And even before the tragedy in early December, that Christmas was due to be the family’s first one apart, with Jacques due to work over the festive period.
And even before the tragedy in early December, that Christmas was due to be the family’s first one apart, with Jacques (pictured) due to work over the festive period
It ended up being their first one apart for a very different, horrifying reason.
Then, the family received ‘the news that we didn’t expect’ – their younger son Torin had been the one to buy the drugs.
Mr Lakeman said: ‘We knew from past experience that Jacques had dabbled and so we’d had a few conversations with him about drug-taking and the risks.’
But as to Torin: ‘It was totally out of the blue. He was in the Army Cadets and things like that.’
Torin was aware his parents had had words with his brother about drugs: ‘He’d always been very anti-drugs.’
It later emerged that Torin had started taking ecstasy when he went to university – to cope with stress, his father thinks.
He had bought the particular fatal batch in powder form on the dark web with a university friend.
Mr Lakeman explained: ‘I think they did it because they thought it was a better, more reliable source than what they could get on the street. And I think they thought they were just being clever.’
Then, the family received ‘the news that we didn’t expect’ – their younger son Torin (pictured) had been the one to buy the drugs
But the true horror of the Lakeman brothers’ overdose emerged at the inquest that April.
Mr Lakeman said: ‘Judging by the amount of it the autopsy said was in their bodies, they must have just split it in half and taken half of it each, not knowing that it was enough for 30 doses.’
He said: ‘The dealer, whoever it was they got it from on the dark web, he was just selling – he doesn’t know what they’re going to do with it.
‘There’s no directions. He assumes that you know what you’re buying. It doesn’t say enough for 30 doses on the packet – you just get what you’ve asked for.’
Everyone at the inquest – the police, pathologist and coroner – referenced this idea of a standard ‘recreational dose’, the idea that ecstasy could be taken safely.
He said: ‘I immediately thought – these deaths were unnecessary. If they were going to take it, they should have known exactly what it was they were taking.’
The father-of-two continued: ‘I can’t describe the last ten years, it’s been awful, and I don’t want other families to go through this. And the fact is that thousands of families do.’
There were 5,053 drug-related deaths in England in 2023 – double the rate recorded in 2012, according to the latest Office for National Statistics (ONS) figures.
The father-of-two (pictured with his wife Sarah) continued: ‘I can’t describe the last ten years, it’s been awful, and I don’t want other families to go through this. And the fact is that thousands of families do’
Mr Lakeman continued: ‘It’s still the same issue. These things, we know that they’re dangerous, nobody’s denying that they’re dangerous, and if I thought the drug laws were working, I’d be all for them. I would ban [drugs] tomorrow.’
The primary piece of UK legislation regulating controlled drugs is the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 – which makes it illegal to possess, supply or produce them.
It was ‘well-intentioned’, Mr Lakeman said – but it does not stop people wanting to take drugs: ‘My boys were very, very bright – Torin was studying astrophysics, for God’s sake! And he wanted to take drugs.
‘They did something for him, whether it made him feel easier, made him feel comfortable where he was, university, getting settled in – I don’t know because I never had a chance to talk to him about it.
‘And I think it’s the same for loads of people. And unfortunately, just talking about prohibition – it would be lovely if it worked but it hasn’t.
‘And I’ve come to believe that the only thing that we can do is regulate it so there’s a supply of regulated drugs that will be relatively safe. It will never be completely safe. But that is what I’ve been campaigning for.’
He sees his boys as victims of the prohibitive approach: ‘They’re like collateral in the war on drugs.’
So, ‘as soon as they said these drugs could be taken safely’ at the inquest, he said, ‘I thought I wanted to do something about it’.
Last year, for the tenth anniversary of the boys’ death, Mr Lakeman created a memorial CD (pictured) for the boys – with the title Something Happened coming from the father’s recollection of events leading up to the day they found out their sons had died
Mr Lakeman joined the Anyone’s Child campaign, run by the Transform Drug Policy Foundation – attending meetings, lobbying parliament and making media appearances.
The initiative, for loved ones of those affected by drug use, campaigns for regulation and legal control of drugs – rather than banning and criminalisation.
And given that Mr Lakeman’s home, the Isle of Man, is a self-governing Crown dependency with its own Parliament, called the Tynwald, it has proven easier to bring about change there.
He brought forward a petition of grievance – requesting change to drug legislation – on Tynwald Day 2022, an annual meeting of the Manx parliament, which sees each law with royal assent formally proclaimed.
It stimulated debate on the island: ‘More and more MHKs [Manx MPs] have come round to thinking that what we are doing is just not working.’
And in November last year, the island’s Department of Home Affairs published new principles to inform Manx drug policy, following an independent review of the harms of illegal drugs.
Approved in Tynwald, they included the intention to ‘take a harm reduction approach to drug use’ and ‘prioritise diversion and treatment over criminalising people for minor possession offences’.
Mr Lakeman said: ‘There’s only so much we can do because we’re bound by the UN Convention [On Narcotic Drugs, 1961] but we’re moving in the right direction, we’re starting to treat it as a health issue rather than a criminal issue.’
The events leading up to December 1, 2014, when the Lakemans found out their sons had died, as described on the back of the memorial CD’s sleeve
He said: ‘I’m trying to keep the pressure on and just not let it go and let it ride.
‘They say they’re going to do something, they’ve said what they’re going to do, I’m just going to make sure that it’s followed through.’
The father told MailOnline: ‘My wife and I are enormously proud of Jacques and Torin.
‘They were just any other teenagers finding their way in an increasingly changing and stressful world who found some form of escape and temporary relief in recreational drugs.
‘Everybody takes drugs in some form, whether it is caffeine, sugar, food, additives, nicotine or alcohol – we all daily and regularly take substances that make us feel better and happy. If we’re already happy, we want to be happier.
‘All these other substances are regulated, the dangers to health by overindulging highlighted. We don’t just prohibit their use because we know it doesn’t work – we educate them.
‘My boys were not hardened criminals. Good people break bad laws. Any other legislation that has backfired as spectacularly as the Misuse of Drugs Act would have been scrapped years ago.
‘Instead, successive governments continue to wage an unwinnable futile war on drugs with devastating consequences for communities and individual families, like ours.’
At the cremation and a later memorial service, the parents gave everyone a Warhammer figure, which Torin loved, telling them to take it on their next holiday and snap a picture for the Lakemans: ‘They can go to places that the boys would have liked to go to’. Pictured: A figure painted by Torin
Despite the devastation of losing their only children, the Lakemans have done their very best to carry on and honour their sons’ memories.
Jacques would have turned 21 the February after he died – so his parents threw him a party, a charity concert to honour the exceptional musician: ‘He would have loved to have a party.’
The parents have organised a fundraiser concert, with local musicians, every year since, on the anniversary of their sons’ death, to raise money for Parkinson’s Disease Society Isle of Man – important to the family as Mrs Lakeman’s father was a sufferer.
The concerts help them cope – the anniversary of the boys’ death comes just before Christmas, Mr Lakeman said: ‘They chose the wrong time to go!’
Last year, for the tenth anniversary, all the musicians from over the years contributed around 70 tracks for a memorial CD for the boys.
And while Mr Lakeman honoured Torin’s 21st in 2016 by walking Hadrian’s Wall – his younger son was a keen hiker – his wife will remember Torin’s 30th, coming up this May.
She will travel to Svalbard – ‘a place Torin hoped to be sent to as part of a possible Master’s degree’.
There, she will leave a Warhammer figure, small models of soldiers, supernatural creatures and aliens that fans paint, then use in miniature tabletop wargames.
Torin loved them, his father said: ‘He had every intention of doing the whole lot of them… We knew that we could drop him off at one of these games workshops and leave him there and he’d go in there for hours.’
While Mr Lakeman honoured Torin’s 21st in 2016 by walking Hadrian’s Wall – his younger son was a keen hiker – his wife will remember Torin’s 30th, coming up this May. Pictured: Artwork by Torin
She will travel to Svalbard – ‘a place Torin hoped to be sent to as part of a possible Master’s degree’. Pictured: Artwork by Torin
So, at the cremation and a later memorial service, the parents gave everyone a Warhammer figure, telling them to take it on their next holiday and snap a picture for the Lakemans: ‘They can go to places that the boys would have liked to go to.’
The boys, via the models, have now been to more than a hundred countries – and are still travelling now.
Mr Lakeman said: ‘It’s just to keep their memory alive. I don’t want them to be a statistic because they were more, they deserve more, they didn’t deserve what happened to them.’
He said: ‘Once upon a time, I thought I wouldn’t be able to listen to certain types of music again, guitar music, because I always thought, “Well, how would Jacques be playing that?” and, “Jacques would have loved that”.
‘And then eventually, you can listen to it now and you think, “Oh, yeah, that’s really good”, music that he liked and the boys both liked.’
Some of his favourite final memories of the boys together were the weekly rehearsals of the band Jacques and Torin were in together in the Lakemans’ garage.
Even when Torin went to university, Jacques fiercely defended his spot in the band as bass guitarist, refusing to replace him and waiting for his younger brother to return and play again.
Their father said: ‘Sometimes, they’d ask me to come down and sing, there were a couple of Neil Young songs that they liked doing – Rockin’ In The Free World, I think, was one.’
Some of his favourite final memories of the boys together were the weekly rehearsals of the band Jacques and Torin were in together in the Lakemans’ garage. Pictured: Artwork by Torin
He continued: ‘I went through a phase, I thought I’d never be able to do that – but I can even listen to those songs now.’
He added: ‘I thought I’d never watch a football match again because that was the last thing that they did. And eventually, you can inure yourself against things if you expect them.’
The dealer who sold the drugs to the Lakeman boys was sentenced to 16 years behind bars in December 2017.
Mr Lakeman was ‘really, really pleased’ about this: ‘I think these are the people the law should be going after.’
But he continued: ‘He was just supplying what they wanted but if there had been a legal market, they would have been regulated, they would have got what they wanted and it would have been relatively safe and they’d have known exactly what it was.’
The government’s refusal to implement this frustrates him: ‘Every time I go on television or I speak on the radio or something like that, they get the Home Office spokesman to say something and the Home Office spokesman always says, “This government has no intention of changing the law”, and it’s been the same for ten years.’
He continued: ‘There hasn’t been much change.
‘The only change there has been is that there’s been more deaths, more gang-related violence, we’ve got county lines now that’s happening, there’s more different types of drugs available than there’s ever been.’
After many years of not knowing what to do with his sons’ ashes, the Lakemans found the right send-off for their sons last summer: ‘We sent the boys’ ashes up into space’ (pictured)
After many years of not knowing what to do with his sons’ ashes, the Lakemans found the right send-off for their sons last summer: ‘We sent the boys’ ashes up into space.’
A company named Aura Flights sends them into space in a hot air balloon – then at 100,000 feet above Earth, the chute opens and the ashes are dispersed all over the globe.
They travel the planet for several months before finally falling as rain or snow – a fitting tribute to two boys with such a zest for life and all it had to offer.
Their father said: ‘That was really, really good. That was special. It was just the right thing, it was just really the right thing to do.’
A Home Office spokesperson said: ‘Our thoughts remain with the entire Lakeman family, as well as the friends of Torin and Jacques Lakeman, who continue to endure the pain of losing them at such a young age.
‘While we may not agree with Mr Lakeman that the legalisation of these dangerous drugs is the answer, we do absolutely agree with him that our priority must be to prevent harm to young people, and tackle the criminal gangs who put them at risk.
‘We will continue working towards those goals in the coming months, alongside the police, the medical profession, experts and campaigners, including all those who have lost loved ones in these tragic circumstances.’
Regarding Mr Lakeman’s call to Greater Manchester Police after his sons went missing, a force spokesperson said: ‘Our thoughts are with Mr Lakeman and his family following this tragedy.
‘While we have no record of contact between him and GMP, we understand his concerns and would direct him to making a formal complaint to our Professional Standards Directorate if he felt it appropriate.’
Manchester United has been contacted for comment.
