The world of the easily outraged has been tickled by the release of Northern Ireland ’74, a computer strategy game that allows players to take the role of a British commander trying to steer the province to peace. But that’s only the first of a wave of video games coming to consoles this year as developers take inspiration from the never-ending funstorm that is global politics. The Critic’s crack team of gaming writers take you through the cream of the crop.
Batman: Arkham High Speed Rail Commissioner Gordon and the Mayor of Gotham are trying to build a fast train link to Metropolis, but the route threatens the future of the Batman. You play billionaire Bruce Wayne, trying to work out how much his new Bat Tunnel will cost.
Assassin’s Creed: 1922 Committee — The hit franchise returns with its bloodiest and most brutal chapter yet. You are “Sir Graham”, tasked with thinning the ranks of the Conservatives by holding a never-ending series of leadership ballots.
Elon Musk: Womb Raider — race to impregnate strangers on social media with your genius seed before your other activities lead to the collapse of your companies and possibly civilisation.
Farming Simulator 26 — “This Farm Is Your Farm!” Drive the tractors, milk the cows, sow the wheat, then meet the accountants and the lawyers as you discuss whether to sell up before the inheritance tax changes kick in. Bonus DLC allows you to dump manure outside Downing Street.
Tetris 25 — you’re the controller of a California port, trying to arrange the cargo ships in neat rows as they arrive. Twist: for some reason, they’ve all disappeared.
Resident Evil — You play a buy-to-let landlord who’s realised the real money these days is in Airbnb. Race to evict all your tenants before the summer holiday season begins.
Red Dead Redemption — Jez, a grizzled Bennite, is out of place in the modern Labour Party. Assemble a gang to help him keep his claim on Islington South!
Sim City: UK Edition — Can you help your city to grow and flourish, creating space for factories, schools, parks and homes, with flourishing local transport links? No, because you can’t get planning permission.
Doom — You are Kemi, a brave culture warrior dropped on Planet Tory, fighting off waves of voters as you just try to survive long enough to face the end-of-level Jenrick. The only way out is through.
Super Miliband Brothers — The smash hit no-platform game. Dodge flying bacon sandwiches and bananas as your race to rescue the Labour Party from each other.
Medal of Dishonor — Uncle Sam Wants You! Donald is a young man hearing his country’s call. Can his dad convince a doctor to sign him off with bone spurs?
Minecraft: Scargill Edition — Build picket lines to stop anyone digging up anything.
JD Vance’s Civilization VII — The best-selling strategy game returns with a new edition! From humble beginnings in Appalachia, take control of the greatest nation on earth. Make vital choices: with democracy under threat from Russian tanks, can you persuade European leaders that the real danger is something you misunderstood from the Telegraph website?
Call of Duty: My Dad Was In WW2 Edition — Control fan favourite Mark Francois as he moves from studio to studio, lecturing interviewers about how he was in the territorial army and he wasn’t trained to lose.
The Legend of Thatcha — Steer beloved Princess Maggie through battles with the Wets, the Argies, and the evil Kin-Nock as she tries to design a local taxation system that won’t cause riots.
Manic Miner — Somewhere in this rubbish tip is a hard disk containing your precious Bitcoin, which your girlfriend chucked out by mistake. How many levels of courtroom can you get through trying to get access before everyone gets sick of hearing about it?
Angry Birds — Vintage game in which players go on something called “Twitter” and see how many rows they can start with precisely aimed “takes”.
Final Fantasy MMXXV — You are Nigel, Lord of Clactonia, Seeker After BreckSit. Can you bring peace and wisdom to the Disunited Kingdom? Probably not, but can you at least get very rich blaming everyone else for failing to fix problems you helped create?
