JEREMY Clarkson has revealed he has found his “true calling” — being a cow midwife.
The TV star, 65, who runs the 1,000-acre Diddly Squat farm in Oxfordshire, said he was called into action after one of his cows struggled to give birth last week.
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He wrote in The Sunday Times: “I was on my own, and I don’t mind admitting I was nervous.”
A calf “got stuck for 90 minutes”, and he had a “tug-of-war” with it until it came out.
He said: “I rushed over to it, scraping the gunk from its face before putting a bit of straw up its nose to make it sneeze and start breathing.
“And it did. And I simply cannot tell you how that feels.
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“I was exhausted, my arms felt as though they were on fire, I was covered in slimy cow juice and faeces and I was smiling a smile that I simply didn’t think would be possible in any kind of workplace.”
He added: “I don’t know what would have happened had I not been there. But I was.
“And now there is the most adorable little calf you’ve ever seen.
“I’m not exaggerating. I was enveloped in a Ready Brek glow of absolute joy, from the soles of my feet to the follicles on the top of my head.
“I’ve had some happy moments in farming but nothing gets even remotely close to this.”
Clarkson later said he was alerted to another cow giving birth by his ‘moo call’ alarm system, adding: “I leapt out of bed and into the shed as if I’d been fired out of a destroyer’s 5in gun.
“And I sat there with the mother cow through the predawn blackness, and then the emergent birdsong, until five thirty, when I was called into action once again.
“I missed a whole night’s sleep to bring that one into the world, and I didn’t mind one bit.
“Because I ended up with another beautiful, wobbly-legged, blue-eyed bundle of perfection.
“And now here I am, a month off my 65th birthday, at a time when I should be thinking of taking up watercolour painting or pickleball. And all I want to do from now on is to be a midwife. For cows.”
