SO Operation Kow Tow has limped to a close and what has Sir Keir Starmer got to show for it?
An ear chewing from Donald Trump for starters, all for a 90-minute pow-wow with a dictator and barely a golden pot to p*** in.
The first visit by a British premier to China in more than eight years made for repeatedly painful viewing.
In one particularly bad bout of First Day On Earth behaviour, the PM was literally manhandled by a communist apparatchik while trying to walk down a guard of honour.
And China-watchers point out that the state news agency used language suggesting President Xi was Starmer’s superior in write-ups of the misadventure — not what the Blair-era spin doctors now running No10 would call “good optics”.
And in return, what does Britain get? Talks about talks will open to see if there could be a trade deal on services — also known as the long grass.
Luckily visa forms will be waived for all those planning their next holiday to the dystopian dreamland.
And while a five per cent cut in whisky tariffs is nice, some diplomatic gobbledygook about mutual recognition of qualifications and opening up markets was watery soup without the wontons.
BRUTAL REALITY
The big win? Having politicians who have told the truth about China see their ban lifted on entering a country they had no plans to visit.
So big questions remain — like what was the point of all this . . . and seriously — what were we thinking?
Because as the Prime Minister talks up “dialogue” and “engagement” and an apparently new “sophisticated” relationship with the Chinese Communist Party, he does so with his eyes wide open.
Wide open to the intelligence briefings, the warnings, and the simple, brutal reality that this is not just another trade visit, it’s a gamble with our security, our economy, and our closest ally.
This is not about being anti-diplomacy. Of course you sometimes have to talk to rivals and even enemies.
But timing matters. Context matters. Consequences matter.
And this trip came with more red flags than a May Day parade in Tiananmen Square. And Starmer knows this.
It’s why he “gripped and grinned” with President Xi while locking China out of Britain’s critical infrastructure and nuclear investments.
It’s why the whole trip was conducted with burner phones after decades of hacking by the Chinese, penetrating the heart of British power.
It’s why laptops were carried at all times rather than risk leaving them in hotels.
It’s why the embarrassing gift of Labubu dolls for the Starmer kids will never reach their destination but will likely end up in a GCHQ lab being thoroughly probed for spyware.
This is a regime our own security services say is targeting British MPs, civil servants and officials. Day in, day out.
Not just with old-style honey traps or dead drops, but brazenly via LinkedIn, fake consultancies and shell companies, grooming people inside our system to extract sensitive data.
Analysts say China has built at least 75 covert influence outposts in the UK, in universities, businesses and Chinese communities, all quietly bending British interests to Beijing’s.
The Electoral Commission data breach, affecting millions of UK voters, was blamed on bad actors linked to China’s Ministry of State Security.
Even so, this government has approved plans for the largest Chinese embassy in Europe, in central London, uncomfortably close to the City’s sensitive communications infrastructure.
And when it seems like their agents are caught, the only case to see spies accused of acting for the CCP collapsed because our own ministers refused to label China a threat in a British courtroom — possibly in fear of upsetting the prospects of this very visit.
What exactly are we resetting here? Our memories?
Because if Britain can’t even say the words out loud in our own courts, what message does that send to Beijing?
“Keep going, chaps, we’ll take it. And please could we have some more money?”
No wonder Donald Trump warned on Thursday: “It’s very dangerous for them to do that.”
Another week and another blow to the special relationship.
Britain’s attempt to stay in with China and Washington would always be a tall ask for even the most deft of leaders.
And as we learn with each fresh U-turn and blunder, Sir Keir Starmer certainly is not a deft leader.
In a warped way he was lucky the Chinese treated him with contempt and his begging bowl came home empty.
The tensions with the White House could have been made a lot worse — just look at relations between the US and Canada that risk 100 per cent tariffs after the Canadians’ rapid tilt toward China.
A pointless trip is better than a fruitful one in a world where our political overlords think annoying our closest ally to break bread with our enemies is somehow a good idea.
THAT mysterious arson last year at the Starmer family home has seen a fifth arrest this week.
Two young Ukrainian men and a Romanian have already pleaded not guilty and await a fascinating trial.
Conspiracy theories are a-plenty, but the red flag for me was seeing Vladimir Putin’s right-hand man publicly stirring the pot online.
Accusing the “legacy media” of covering up the story, Kirill Dmitriev, who is intimately involved in the negotiations between Donald Trump and Russia over Ukraine, has suggested a link to the weird tale and Britain “undermining peace”.
The brass neck aside of a Kremlin goon accusing others of censorship, I can’t help thinking the Russki doth protest too much . . .
Come on, Kirill, what’s really going on here?
