FUELLED by revenge and four glasses of wine, I blurted out the eight words no loving wife ever wants to hear.
‘If only you knew the truth about him,’ I typed, reeling from betrayal, and well aware that I was teetering dangerously close to tearing a family apart.
For weeks I had agonised over this moment and I really thought I could go through with it – surely this woman deserved to know the truth.
But the innocent message I got back the next morning, in the cold light of day, stopped me.
‘Sorry what do you mean,’ it said, and something inside me softened.
I didn’t click on the message. Instead I deleted it, and vowed to never reveal the truth, because even though I was hurting, should I really destroy someone else’s life too?
You see, months earlier I had met Brad, 44, in a bar in London.
He was out with a group of friends – and he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring – I assumed he was single. As a 40 year-old, I thought I would have met someone by now, be married and maybe even have kids. But it hasn’t turned out that way.
With his dark hair, piercing blue eyes and broad shoulders, Brad was just my type.
We got chatting and were both a bit tipsy. He told me I was ‘fit’, so I asked for his number – he didn’t hesitate.
Three days later I finally plucked up the courage to send him a text that said: ‘Is this Brad? Think I met you on Saturday.’
When my phone lit up just moments later, I felt nervous as I answered the call.
Little did I know then it would be the start of one of the most thrilling sexual encounters I’d ever have.
‘Nice chatting earlier,’ he messaged after we got off the phone. ‘I didn’t think you’d message back tbh, but she who dares,’ I replied. ‘And what does one get for daring I wonder…’ he flirted back.
From that point on we were in touch all day, every day for months. I’d just got out of a two-year relationship and my self-esteem was at an all time low.
TOTALLY INTOXICATING
So when Brad came along he made me feel desired and sexy again. Not only was he one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever met – his chiselled muscles were definitely a step up from the dad bods of many blokes his age – we seemed to really get on.
And the sex was more intense than with anyone else I’d ever been with. The first time it happened at my flat on a Friday afternoon it lasted four hours. I wasn’t expecting to feel so connected, but the intimacy was off the charts.
It was totally intoxicating and I wanted more. It seemed like he couldn’t keep away either, as two days later he was back in my bed.
We met up as often as we could – sometimes twice a week.
We would also flirt on text constantly, which sometimes spilled over into exchanging naughty pictures. He said I made him feel like a teenager again and would send me messages like: ‘I so wish I was laying next to you right now… I literally can’t think about anything else’.
Once I told him a guy in a bar was flirting with me and was surprised when he messaged straight back: ‘Oi, you’re mine. Tell him to get his own.’
The sex was incredible, and he was making me feel so good with everything he was saying, that I got caught up in the moment – ignoring what I now know to be telltale signs he was cheating.
I knew he had a four-year-old son with a long-term partner. But he’d described their relationship as ‘on-off’. He told me he’d moved out and was currently living with a friend, so I thought they were separated and were now ‘off’ for good.
He was making me feel so good with everything he was saying, that I got caught up in the moment – ignoring what I now know to be telltale signs he was cheating
Katie Wilson
But when he only seemed to be able to meet up in the afternoons during work hours and kept suggesting we meet in hotels rather than ever go to his place, I became suspicious.
A few months after meeting him I put his mobile phone number into Google in search of answers. It led me to his work social media account, where his personal profile was tagged in some of the posts.
Although his profile was private, now that I knew his full name I could look him up on Facebook. I felt silly having to do this, but when I’d asked him his surname the first month we met, he somehow dodged the question. ‘Just call me Brad,’ he said.
HIS ‘BIT ON THE SIDE’
I thought it was weird at the time, but for some reason I let it slide. All I could think about was being with him again. That should have been red flag number one.
His latest Facebook photos didn’t appear suspicious. They were mainly of him and his son. But further down there were lots of pictures with another woman.
These weren’t recent but I assumed it was his ex, but clicking on her account my heart sank because there was a wedding ring on her finger.
As I dug deeper, I couldn’t believe it. He’d hinted at his ‘complicated’ situation, but I thought he meant they were splitting up and were just working out the logistics with a child involved. The last thing I expected was to find out he had a wife.
A scroll back through his posts revealed he’d got married in 2023 and bought a house together just a few months before we met. They’d also spent their wedding night at a hotel where he had planned to take me.
He said they didn’t have sex and hadn’t really since their son was born. What I now know to be one of the oldest excuses in the book.
Katie Wilson
I’d just been his bit on the side.
I felt sick.
I should have ended it then and I told myself I wasn’t looking for anything serious anyway, but all I could think was, I don’t want to lose him. I’d hoped there was a future for us, even if the situation was ‘complicated’, like he said.
The next time I saw him, I told him I knew who he was – and that he was married. Oddly, I wasn’t angry. I just wanted him to know that I knew. Deep down, I didn’t want to fly off the handle, as I didn’t want what we had to end.
To his credit, he didn’t deny it but I believed the excuses that followed. He said they didn’t have sex and hadn’t really since their son was born. What I now know to be one of the oldest excuses in the book.
He said he was scared if he did leave now, his wife would make it difficult for him to see his child.
But with him saying things like, ‘you brought excitement back into my life and it’s making me question my current situation, that’s for sure,’ there was hope he might start something new with me, so I hung on.
He led me to believe his marriage wasn’t good but I know now this was probably a lie.
I’m ashamed to say our relationship continued for a few more weeks, with both of us admitting feelings were now involved. It wasn’t until he said ‘as long as you’re not falling in love with me’ that I realised I was.
What started off as a jokey comment turned into something much deeper.
Though he began to feel guilty, he hooked me in with lines like, ‘Of course I like you. It’s just bad timing my end’, and ‘in different circumstances and time scales I’m pretty sure things would be different for us.’
He also told me that though he ‘tried to be good’, I was his ‘kryptonite’.
We still met up five more times – and each time we’d have sex. It was just the same between us, perhaps even more intense as feelings were involved.
But by June, he told me he wasn’t leaving his wife and had to give his marriage ‘one last shot’. He’d been with her the whole time, while he was seeing me.
I haven’t seen him since, but we were still in contact for a couple more months. I could feel him pulling away, but he was adamant he wanted to stay friends.
So when he suddenly blocked me without warning – something he said he’d never do – I was devastated. I cried for days as I couldn’t understand it. Though I’ve been ghosted before, I didn’t see it coming in this situation.
what would it achieve if I decided to blow their family life apart?
Katie Wilson
It broke my heart to know he’d got rid of me just like that, without even sending a message first. I genuinely believed we had a real connection and I thought he felt the same.
‘LIAR AND A CHEAT’
What hurt even more was no longer having the daily contact, friendship, and mutual respect I mistakenly thought we had. Now I know it was all just lies to get what he wanted. He didn’t care about me at all.
Of course I tried to contact him – all I wanted was for things to go back to how they had been – but each time I messaged only one tick would appear. He even blocked me on all of his social media channels.
But the one person I can get in touch with – that seems to be a bit of an oversight on his part – is his wife. Though I drunkenly sent her that one message in September telling her not to trust him, I don’t have the heart to tell her the truth.
Plus, what would it achieve if I decided to blow their family life apart? Really, it boils down to three things.
I suspect he’s a great dad, and revealing the truth could put contact with his son at risk (or so he says). I also don’t have it in me to throw a grenade on someone’s family or detonate my own life in the process – as ‘mistresses’ are usually to blame.
Plus, men like him are more often than not found out sooner or later anyway. Looking back, do I think he ever had any intention of leaving his wife? No.
I think I was an opportunity that presented itself and he took it, like the 20-30% of married men who who have an extra-marital affair
The fact his wife hasn’t messaged again to ask what I was talking about speaks volumes.
I suspect she already knows her husband is a liar and a cheat – or she doesn’t want to believe it.
Perhaps he’s already moved on to his next ‘victim?’ If his wife does ever come back to me, I’ll tell her whatever she wants to know. Five months have passed and I’ve no choice but to move on.
What other alternative is there? But it will make me more wary and I certainly won’t entertain a man in future if I get the slightest hint he might be attached.
Until then, my revenge is being the better person and not blowing up my own life just to ruin his.
