The Celebrity Apprentice (BBC 1)
Beeb bosses must be gnashing their teeth in despair at the sight of former market trader Thomas Skinner hogging the screentime on The Celebrity Apprentice.
Skinner, the first contestant to be voted off Strictly last autumn, has accused the Saturday night spectacular of rigging the votes against him, and is reportedly planning to sue the BBC.
But now, here he is, noisiest of the stars on a festive edition of the boardroom game show, pushing his mush into every frame and yelling his gormless catchphrase, ‘Bosh!’
The two-parter was filmed months ago, of course, though its Lapland setting is so Christmassy, even Santa makes a guest appearance.
The embarrassment is inevitable, really. If it wasn’t Skinner, it would probably be Gregg Wallace, or Wynne Evans, or David Walliams (who caused more red faces by turning up on the Boxing Day special of Would I Lie To You?), or any of the numerous other unwelcome ghosts of Christmas Past who haunt Broadcasting House.
The BBC likes to kid us that its roster of talent is one big family, but this is the only family in Britain plagued by more ghastly uncles than the Windsors.
At least Pudsey the bear hasn’t disgraced himself yet. The Children In Need mascot was larking around on the fringes in this charity special, fumbling with the phone on Sir Sugar’s reception desk or peering at Karren Brady’s notebook.
The Apprentice has been a parody of itself for years, so it’s a welcome change to see the contestants sending themselves up and making us laugh on purpose.
The two-parter of The Celebrity Apprentice was filmed months ago, of course, though its Lapland setting is so Christmassy, even Santa makes a guest appearance.
Thomas Skinner (pictured) is, noisiest of the stars on a festive edition of the boardroom game show, pushing his mush into every frame and yelling his gormless catchphrase, ‘Bosh!’
Matt Morsia from the Gladiators, aka Legend, played into the joke for all he was worth. Asked by Lord Alan what qualities he offered, Legend tugged his jacket down over his chest like a bouncer preparing for a selfie and said, ‘I’m just an all-round leadership, inspirational role model figure.’
Throughout the game, he elbowed his way to the front, demanding to be project manager, chief ideas man and lead salesman. The more the others ignored him, the louder he blew his own trumpet, claiming every rejection as a triumph.
We’ve seen plenty of Apprentices make complete fools of themselves, of course, but Legend knew exactly what he was doing. And on this show, that’s a first.
AJ Odudu appeared to find Rob Rinder genuinely annoying, flapping her hand to indicate she thought he talked too much.
Naturally, he was happy to keep yakking, simply to irritate her more.
As the teams baked cookies in the Arctic, planning to sell them to supermarket stockists in Tuesday’s episode, it was Legend who came up with a brand name so comically bad, it was brilliant: Gary the Penguin.
Why not? Marks and Spencer have sold more than 15 million Colin the Caterpillars. If Gary is an equal success, Legend might have just have landed a fortune for Children In Need.
