Married couples vow to love and cherish one another, in sickness and in health, for better or worse… that is until it’s time to book a flight.
Planning a trip away with a spouse or long-term partner is often seen as a life highlight: a chance to escape daily routines with romantic dinners, poolside relaxation and plenty of shared new experiences.
Yet, for a growing number of couples, travelling together can expose unexpected cracks – where connection is replaced by conflict.
The perfect partner doesn’t always equal the perfect travel companion – while differing interests, personal habits and schedules might work at home, they often don’t when you’re away.
Couples often have routines that allow for time apart but on holiday, meals, hotel rooms and daily itineraries are typically shared, leaving little room for a breather.
Differing body clocks can also create friction – while one partner might be itching to get out of the hotel room and start sightseeing, the other might be struggling with jet lag and and wanting to set aside time to catch up on sleep.
Interests also play a significant role – a partner who loves nothing more than adrenaline-fuelled adventures may feel held back by someone who prefers to unwind by the pool with a cocktail and book for the majority of the trip.
As minor as they might seem, these differences can turn what should be a stress-free holiday experience into an exhausting cycle of fatigue, frustration and flaring tempers.
For some couples, holidays can be the opposite of restful – and can routinely result in fatigue, frustration and flaring tempers
In order to preserve their relationship, some couples, like Emma Judd and her husband, Christopher, have simply decided to stop holidaying together.
Despite being happily married for over four decades, Emma – who is mother to McFly drummer, Harry Judd, as well as two other children – has revealed why she prefers to travel the world without her husband by her side.
Speaking to The Telegraph in December, she explained how one day she jumped at the idea of joining a parish trip to eastern India, travelling from Kolkata to Bangalore.
However, with her husband not being much of a fan of long-haul travel, she decided to ask a recently windowed friend to instead accompany her on the trip.
It was in India that her passion for solo and group travel blossomed. In Emma’s words, the ‘smells, sounds, and the people’ made her feel ‘alive’.
With a newfound confidence to lead, she immediately began planning her very own women-only trip to Uzbekistan once she returned home to the UK, selecting 15 ladies from all corners of life and showing them they didn’t need a man to travel.
Despite facing criticism from loved ones with ‘traditional’ views, who said she shouldn’t be spending too much time away from her husband, Emma insists the trips have only strengthened their marriage.
She said: ‘Being apart does make the heart grow fonder. I come back fresher, with a new perspective, and we’re better at compromising. I’m happy to travel to Europe in his car and he’s happy to let me do my thing.
Emma Judd (R) – who is mother to McFly drummer, Harry Judd, along with her two other children – has shared why she prefers to travel the world without husband Christopher (L)
‘No one thanks you on your death-bed for staying at home.’
Meanwhile, in a discussion thread on Fodor’s Travel Talk Forums, several couples shared contrasting approaches.
Explaining why they and their spouse now avoid overseas trips together, one contributor wrote: ‘My husband and I often travel apart, but not because we don’t travel well together, more because of schedule conflicts or different interests.
‘This year I’m going to Budapest, Vienna and Prague with my Mother and he’s going skiing in Switzerland (I don’t ski) at a different time. He often goes to visit a friend who lives in Baja and it doesn’t interest me.’
Another explained: ‘I know that I get raised eyebrows from folks who don’t think I should be traveling without my hubby. But he REALLY has no interest in traveling, and I go with his blessing.’
A third shared: ‘When I travel with my husband, it is a much more relaxing time. I can’t be in a hurry to see or do anything. He loves to just relax and enjoy the moment – actually a wonderful time, but I have to mentally prepare myself for it. Otherwise, it does cause a conflict.’
A fourth said she and her husband strike a balance, travelling solo for themselves before planning trips that suit them both, adding: ‘I went to Florence and Venice for 15 days in late March by myself and it was one of the best experiences of my life.
‘My husband went to Sturgis, South Dakota for a motorcycle rally with a friend in August for two weeks and it was one of the best experiences of his life. We both came back from our trips refreshed, revived and enthusiastic.’
Several couples shared contrasting approaches to travelling together – with some choosing to holiday alone or with friends rather than with their partner
Meanwhile, one contributor advised: ‘My husband and I had a couple of fallouts at the beginning of each trip, then eventually that sort of ‘went away’.
‘We learned to just shut up and wait 5-10 minutes, and then start a conversation about something else.’
But, what do the experts say? According to Todd Stevens, founder of marriage retreat, Renovation Marriage, holidaying apart as a couple can be seen as a cause for concern.
He told Daily Mail: ‘If you can’t spend a week on holiday together without your relationship falling apart, you don’t have a vacation problem – you have a relationship problem.
‘Separate holidays aren’t protecting the marriage. They’re a symptom that something’s already broken.
‘Couples need shared experiences to maintain connection. When you stop creating memories together, you start drifting apart.
‘Research shows happy long-term couples consistently choose to spend time together. Rather than accepting separate holidays as normal, couples should see it as a wake-up call.’
However, for some couples, the time spent apart on separate holidays only strengthens their relationship
On the other hand, dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder, who offers his top tips for healthy relationships on his Instagram page, told the Daily Mail: ‘Time apart doesn’t weaken love, it often protects it.
‘Travel exposes differences in needs and values: one partner wants rest, the other wants adventure; one wants structure, the other wants spontaneity; one wants romance, the other wants efficiency.
‘None of this is wrong but it requires real communication and emotional leadership, not silent scorekeeping and eye rolls.
‘When two people can enjoy their own rhythm, have separate experiences, and then come back together with genuine warmth, that’s not a problem. It actually signals maturity and trust in a relationship.’
