PACKING her overnight bag, Amie Southwell can’t wait for a new year mini break with her husband Lee.
After weeks spent juggling Christmas school plays, carol concerts, shopping and wrapping gifts, for Amie, 34, it’s exactly the medicine she needs – but this isn’t any ordinary trip.
She’s getting ready to leave her ordinary suburban life behind and put on her sexiest underwear to have sex with another couple – and her husband of 11 years, Lee, 34, will join in.
Amie and Lee are swingers and love the thrill of swapping partners – even when the other isn’t watching.
Most women would feel sickened at the thought of their husband having sex with another woman, but construction worker Lee’s extramarital romps get Amie’s full blessing.
Christmas tradition
She insists what they do is a sure fire way to relieve the stress that Christmas piles on, a ‘tradition’ they started last December.
“Christmas is exhausting, I put everything into making it special for the kids, as a mum you please everyone except yourself,” says Amie, who works in customer services.
“Now we carve out time for us to have fun too – what we do certainly throws shade on the bog standard office party.”
A recent survey revealed that just under a half of mums shoulder the weight of the festive season and two thirds of Brits were simply ‘partakers’ of the Christmas spirit, usually generated by the mother.
Amie says nothing compares to the ‘pure pleasure’ she still gets to enjoy at this time of year and that’s because she sets time aside for both herself and her husband.
She explains: “Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas Day – even being woken up by the kids at 5am – and I’ve always enjoyed either hosting or visiting family.
“But before we discovered our swinging lifestyle, I’d feel flat afterwards. Boxing Day would be spent playing with the kids and their new toys and my birthday a day later would be a non-event.
“While I’m slaving over a hot stove or stuffing the turkey, my mind can wander to what I’ll be doing in a couple of days and that’s pure pleasure.”
On December 27, Lee’s mum will look after the children, aged 13, 10 and five, while he and Amie enjoy a saucy post Christmas getaway with a couple they swing with every month.
And that’s after a pre-Christmas meet up on December 12 with another couple who they met at a swinging social they organised themselves recently.
Amie says, “We’ll all have sex in the same room with the first couple but because we know the second ones so well and we’ve built up trust, Lee will go off into one room with the woman, while I have sex with her husband.
“We did similar things last year just before everything became manic close to Christmas.”
The first time we went swinging, I thought we’d sit at the bar and decide it wasn’t for us. We ended up in an orgy with about 12 other people
Amie
Having sex with multiple partners is on the rise and Amie and Lee are one of a growing number of couples turning their backs on traditional, monogamous relationships.
After discovering a website dedicated to swapping partners four years ago, Amie and Lee have become part of a group of around ten couples that meet regularly – either at each other’s houses, or during adult-only weekends at holiday parks.
It was Amie who suggested they try it.
Until then they’d been completely monogamous since meeting when they were just 18 and 17 at the local rugby club.
Amie admits: “I never imagined I’d be into it – when we got married in March 2014, I thought I’d never sleep with another man again.
“I used to suffer with crippling jealousy constantly texting Lee if he was on nights out and even checking his phone for messages from other women. He was very patient.
“But I was bi-curious, so one night, during pillow talk after sex I asked him if he’d like to explore a threesome. He thought it was a trick question to start with because of my previous trust issues, but the more we talked about it, the more we both wanted to do it.”
Proud wife
In September 2021, the couple went to their first swingers’ party.
Amie laughs: “I thought we’d just sit at the bar and then decide it wasn’t for us. But we ended up in an orgy with about 12 other people.
“Far from feeling jealous, I’m proud of Lee and the pleasure he can give other women. And it’s gone from there.
“We have some couples we see regularly and others we just play with on a night out.
“This year I’ve slept with 15 different men and three women, while Lee’s probably about the same but only with other women.
“We have gone out to meet people separately previously, but we prefer going with each other – witnessing one another’s pleasure is a huge part of it. As is the sex we have afterwards, just the two of us, remembering the naughty night we’ve just had.”
It was when they struggled to find places to meet fellow swingers in their small village near Bath, they began organising their own swinging socials.
They‘ve hosted two so far for almost 100 people.
A beginner’s guide to swinging…
1. Talk, A LOT
Before thinking about setting foot in a swingers club, you and your partner need to talk. It needs to be deep and honest, asking “what’s off limits”, how to handle jealousy etc. And you both need to be on the same page. Note, this isn’t a one-time conversation. You should check-in before, during and after every experience to make sure the vibe is still on point. Vanilla Swingers say: “No communication? No swinging. Period.”
2. Do your homework
Swinging has its own etiquette, unspoken rules, and community vibes that you’ll need to know beforehand.
Scour the internet – Reddit forums are a treasure trove of awkward first-timer stories, tips, and no-nos.
3. Slow and steady
You don’t have to go full-on partner-swapping on night one (unless you want to, of course!) Start slow and try soft swap like steamy make-outs, a little touching, or even just watching to understand what goes on.
Voyeurs and exhibitionists are the gateway to swinging. Swinging isn’t a sprint, and the slower you take it, the hotter the experience. There’s nothing wrong with staying at the soft swap stage for months or even years. There is no one way to swing, remember that!
Remember – fun and exploration, not pressure.
4. Jealousy rearing its ugly head?
Jealousy is a natural emotion to feel and 100% normal in swinging. The key is handling it like a pro. Feelings can get intense when sharing intimate moments with others, so take it slow, set boundaries, and keep those communication lines wide open. Swinging should strengthen your relationship, not break it.
5. Safety first
Safety is non-negotiable. Protection, consent, and constant check-ins with your partner are a must. A night of swinging should leave you feeling good, not regretful.
Amie says: “We advertise on a swinging website and our first one in August made £250. We put that towards drinks on a cruise we went on later that month.
“The second one was in November and the £250 we’ve made is going towards the children’s Christmas presents.
“As our kids get older their gifts cost more so having extra money means it isn’t such a stretch.”
Everyone knows
Even their mums know about their lifestyle and incredibly, they’re happy to babysit.
Amie says: “Lee’s mum turned Miss Marple. She got suspicious because we kept on asking her to babysit while we visited friends and then would never post about them on our social media.
“Then on New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago we asked her to babysit while we went to a burlesque party in Luton.
“We’d got fed up with lying and told her the truth. We laugh about it sometimes, but she never wants details.
“With my mum, I blurted out that we’re swingers while we were out shopping last December.”
Amie and Lee aren’t alone in opening up their marriage.
According to the latest figures, 33 per cent of men and 11 per cent of women are now open to introducing a third person into their relationship and over a million Brits admit to regularly enjoying group sex.
The couple are completely open about how they get their kicks, although it has cost Amie some friendships.
Amie says: “Some think what we do is sleazy and there’s a misconception that if you swing, you want to have sex with everyone. That couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s their problem not mine.
“I don’t feel the loss.”
Now, Amie is counting down the days until she can truly let her hair down, amidst the chaos.
She adds: “Mums shoulder everything at this time of year to keep the magic alive.
“It’s chaotic – wrapping gifts, sorting the food, as well as all the events we navigate with the kids.
“I’ll still spend days in mum mode making sure the kids have a wonderful time but at least I’ll do that with a spring in my step.”
