One of the dumbest annual discussions you’ll hear around Christmas time is whether or not it’s “okay” for parents to lie to their children about Santa Claus.
Frankly, who cares?
Childhood wonder and merriment are rapidly dying off in the age of ubiquitous internet and social media.
Let the kids believe that portly St. Nick comes down a chimney on Christmas night. There are much bigger issues facing children these days.
Well, apparently at least one “expert” — who’s clearly been captured by leftism — has found that much bigger issue.
And it’s somehow even dumber than the Santa Claus debate.
NBC News’ San Diego affiliate, KNSD-TV, put out a piece on Dec. 10 where they spoke to child psychologist Mariana Pérez Borrero.
Borrero spoke about the harsh consequences of… giving your naughty children coal for Christmas.
“In my experience as a child psychologist, it’s outdated,” Borreo explained. “It’s based on fear. It’s based on fear-based control. It’s based on threats, usually on empty threats. And it’s based on emotional manipulation.”
She further added, “They internalize shame and not responsibility. We teach them that they have to feel bad about themselves and shame because of what they did and that the adult approval is conditional.”
Oh, boy. Look, I don’t care if you, as a parent, use the coal technique for unruly children during Christmas. That’s your prerogative as the leader of that child. The coal is practically besides the point.
There are a few important things to unpack here, so let’s examine them.
“It’s based on fear”: And? There is literally nothing wrong with instilling a little fear in your children, so long as it’s not the only thing you use to discipline. A mixture of fear and affirmation actually makes for an incredibly healthy worldview.
The world is a scary place, and leaving your kids completely foreign to fear — whether it’s fear of consequences or fear of failure — is setting them up to falter as adults.
Concerns about “fear-based control” and “threats” are healthy impulses to have.
“It’s based on emotional manipulation”: This scary-sounding phrase is actually just a weak parent’s way of justifying not bothering to mold their child’s philosophy. Emotional manipulation is necessary for young brains to wire for proper integration into society.
Without it, emotions run unchecked, with no safeguards, and no off-ramp.
(See: Biden, Hunter.)
“They internalize shame”: Oh, this is rich. Shame, or the distinct lack thereof, is arguably the biggest reason societal rot has set in as badly as it has. OnlyFans? TikTok slop? Participation trophy culture? They all come from a distinct lack of shame in society.
And to be clear, not unlike fear, shame can’t be the only parental tool used. But shame plus a tender hand? That, again, creates a child who will grow up to understand that there are consequences — both good and bad — for every decision they make.
That sort of rationale is sorely missing today.
“Adult approval is conditional”: As it should be! One of the biggest issues with ill-behaved children is usually from a lack of parenting, or more accurately, a lack of caring parents. Yes, parents should unconditionally love their kids. But approval of behavior and actions are separate from love.
Good behavior should be praised and reinforced. Bad behavior should be shamed and disapproved of. And up until relatively recently, this was accepted as a universal parenting truth.
Look, again, this isn’t about coal. That’s completely up to your discretion as a parent. I personally wouldn’t do it, but not for any reasons proffered by Borrero. I just think coal goes much better when used to grill a nice steak.
But if people are going to present as experts on parenting and tacitly setting up future generations to fail, this writer (who’s also a parent) can’t let that slide without retort.
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