Waddling down the corridor at work while eight months’ pregnant, an older colleague had handed me a 1950s book entitled Mothercraft.
‘You’ll need this,’ she muttered, adding ‘the old way’s the best way.’
The book is a parenting manual written by midwife Sister Mary Martin in 1950. Yes, it’s 75 years old, but Mothercraft champions parents to not bring up entitled brats via a rather robust approach, which I was more than onboard with.
Unlike today’s martyr mums, who feel compelled to entertain their little ones with grimy soft play and hours of ‘brainrot’ screentime – and who actively avoid any form of conflict in case it causes upset, the mothers following this retro parenting bible took a no-nonsense approach to raising children.
When I was pregnant with my son, now seven, I was bamboozled by the overload of parenting info online, including unsolicited advice on social media from quasi-experts.
The main message seemed to be that we must do everything in our power not to damage the minds of our young, with a relatively new phenomenon, ‘gentle parenting’, widely encouraged.
With 287,000 videos dedicated to it on TikTok alone, the gentle parenting trend suggests we should wear our babies around our necks 24/7 like some oversized backpack accessory, rocking them to sleep and holding them while they nap.
Gentle parenting also endorses the acceptance of behaviour that might once have been deemed naughty, because our child might be having ‘big feelings’.
Annette Kellow (pictured with her son) says she’s so determined not to raise a brat that she’s started following a 1950s parenting manual
Gentle parenting endorses the acceptance of behaviour that might once have been deemed naughty, says Annette
All this made me fearful that motherhood was going to turn me into a hot mess. But Mothercraft indefatigably says: ‘Children should be a joy, and never a burden.’
I decided to follow the vintage rules to a T with my young son. The first sensible one being to let your baby nap alone outside, otherwise known in the book as ‘air bathing’.
Popular in Sweden, the idea is based on ‘friluftsliv,’ meaning open-air living, where parents let children sleep in cold conditions outside in prams, believing that fresh air regulates their immune system and keeps them healthy and strong.
In 1950s Britain, mothers would happily stick the pram in the street by the front door.
As I live in central London, that did feel slightly dangerous so, when my son, Felix, was born, I opted for my tiny back patio instead.
The book says that it’s perfectly normal to be close by getting on with your knitting and needlework or, in my case, chilling on my phone.
Today’s earth mothers may believe that rocking their baby to sleep and holding them for hours on end while they nap is the ultimate connection.
I must admit, holding the baby while he slept sounded like a mild prison sentence. How would I get anything done?
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As a result, Annette decided to start following vintage rules ‘to a T’, including ‘air bathing’ – letting your baby nap alone outside
The book Mothercraft recommended weaning around 12 months, twice as long as the current guidelines
The book shares that children should ‘ask for love, not riches’. Annette is pictured with her son, Felix
Mothercraft verifies that simply won’t work, and unless something is physically wrong, such as a wet nappy, sleep training is a good solution.
The same goes for the limitless breastfeeding. Forget the five-year-old rascal sliding into the marital bed for a midnight feast!
And Mothercraft recommends weaning around 12 months, twice as long as the current guidelines.
I followed the book and began sleep training from day dot. The rule of thumb is to do it in short intervals; check all is well, reassure them, leave the door open, but don’t take them out of the cot or rock them to sleep.
Today’s parents may say sleep training is cruel, but in the words of another parenting guru, Gina Ford, ‘Sleep is taught, not stumbled upon.’
Besides, the book’s motto is, ‘happy mother, happy baby,’ so for me, that was all I needed to hear.
When I first brought my son Felix home, I stuck to the sleep training advice and within two weeks, he was napping and sleeping well.
The next sound suggestion by Mothercraft is to start toilet training your baby in the first few months.
Annette says she always lets Felix actively be bored as it stimulates him to be creative
He is only allowed to watch documentaries and occasional TV shows like Blue Peter and Horrible Histories, instead of ADHD-inducing, mind-wilting YouTube
After each feed, I would hold my son above the loo so he could get used to the feeling of ‘going’.
I once did it at a toffy garden party in Notting Hill over a rose bush, which the men weren’t impressed by, but, as Mothercraft suggests, with the wind on their bum, the baby begins to get the notion of how toileting works.
And I’m not alone. Comedian Katherine Ryan began toilet training her babies when they were four-months-old, and suggests children can be fully toilet trained within a year.
The book suggests that parents need to simply listen for sounds indicating they need to go, such as grunts, and when they can sit up, pop them on ‘the chamber with a toy’.
Sure, there were plenty of accidents along the way, but my boy was swiftly toilet-trained at a year-and-a-half and, going into his toddler years, I’ve saved a fortune in nappies.
Unlike today’s children, when it comes to playing and developing, Mothercraft enthuses not to bother with expensive toys and eye-wateringly expensive days out.
Instead, Mothercraft shares that ‘children ask for love, not riches’.
Boredom is good for them, and for social development… so give them a saucepan, wooden spoon and cardboard box.
The only splurge she made before having her baby was a ‘a large perambulator,’ aka Kate Middleton’s firm favourite; the Silvercross Balmoral pram
Instead of ‘ultra-processed baby foods’, Annette gave her son steak, rabbit, liver, bacon and chicken
I have always let my son be actively bored, as this stimulates him to use his imagination and be creative.
Of course, there were few TV screens in the 1950s, but even so, the book firmly declares, ‘Do not confuse mothering with spoiling.’
I only let my son watch documentaries and occasional TV shows like Blue Peter and Horrible Histories, not hours of ADHD-inducing, mind-wilting YouTube.
I’ve observed babies on the bus watching TikTok, kids arriving at nursery with their iPad, and I’ve even witnessed a dad at the doctors who couldn’t grapple his phone away from his toddler, so just weakly let him watch Coco Melon on full blast. Pathetic!
In today’s consumerist society, too many of us are obsessed with the ideology that any boredom or confrontation is terrible.
It starts when you attend those ghastly National Childbirth Trust (NCT) classes that prospective parents are encouraged to attend as a way to meet other families nearby, and they give you a long list of ‘things to buy’.
As I wandered John Lewis with a list chock-full of breast pumps and maternity pads, I referred back to the book.
While I may not have gone as far as Mothercraft’s suggestion of using a padded box on a sawn-off chair as a first cot, I did decide to follow the advice that babies don’t need much.
I scrapped the list, got some second-hand bits, and the only splurge I was instructed to make was ‘a large perambulator,’ aka Kate Middleton’s firm favourite; the Silvercross Balmoral pram.
Life is about choices, but when they are children, it is not up to them to make big decisions, Annette says
Mothercraft also assures new mums to let the baby be entertained at home and in the garden. New mums have it shoved down their throats now that as soon as a bundle of joy arrives, they should be signed up for baby massage, sensory classes or yoga.
After my son was born, I joined one of those musical baby classes. As the mums clanged away on triangles and spoon-fed their baby’s pureed pouches, I made a decision – to make a swift exit.
Instead, I gave my son the Mothercraft special: meat such as steak, rabbit, liver, bacon and chicken should be given two to three times a day…even if the baby has just a few teeth. As a treat, they advise a slice of Madeira cake for pudding too.
It was nice to share meal times too, rather than giving him jars of ultra-processed baby foods.
The manual promotes the child fitting into your life… not the other way around. As soon as they are old enough, they can start setting the table and clearing away.
My son helps set plates and does his bit around the house as per the book. As a few add-ons, I’ll also ask him to order food in restaurants, ask for the bill and request things in shops. And always say thank you!
As the parenting book suggests, the more independence children have, the more they will be able to handle the world in an ever-changing landscape.
One chapter aptly says, ‘Good impressions have lasting results,’ and how children converse is paramount.
Mothercraft suggests other practical tips, including spraying cologne in your child’s hair if it’s tangled, flannel washing in a warm blanket, and that cod liver oil will sort out most ailments!
It has a plethora of women’s advice too, such as ‘chest exercises’ to keep the bust from sagging, and dousing your vagina in iodine to keep it super fresh.
Many people think that women did all the work in the 1950s, that dads just sat ignorant with a pipe by the fire, but I’m pleased to say there is a chapter named Fathercraft too.
Here, it explains that dads should send their wives away for a break if they have morning sickness, bring them tea in bed and the pinnacle, ‘that both parents share the responsibilities, as well as the interests and joys in their family,’ so that it has a ‘combination that leaves a deep and lasting impression in the minds of their children’.
That’s because authoritative parenting (not to be confused with authoritarian), has been proven, with positive reinforcement, to give children the discipline and skills they need in life, yielding higher academic scores and mental well-being.
Today’s ‘gentle parenting’, in many cases, has not. There have been numerous online threads featuring mums frustrated because dad has checked out. After relying on these namby-pampy techniques, they wonder why they have ended up with ‘anxious, insecure and entitled’ brats.
Such demands include numerous ‘duvet days,’ letting them play Roblox constantly and ignoring everyone around them, should they feel like it. This, to me, is not a functional, healthy or happy way to live.
Life is about choices, but when they are children, it is not up to them to make big decisions.
By letting them run amok, they will become grown-ups with zero motivation, confidence or anything to strive towards. And you can forget good manners.
If people think I’m mad and that we’ve moved on from the 1950s parenting styles, I don’t care.
As parents, we never know how our children will turn out, but I hope that by putting a moral compass in place, even if my son veers off, he will eventually return to the place of morality, sensibility, kindness, and a strong backbone.
