Millie Mackintosh just about remembers her last non-sober Christmas – just about, because, like most of the special occasions she experienced before she quit booze in the summer of 2022, it passed in a gin-and-tonic-soaked blur.
It was 2021, and the Made In Chelsea star had just given birth to her second daughter, Aurelia.
‘I was hosting, of course,’ smiles the 36-year-old now, with the wry self-knowledge of a woman who has since not just given up alcohol, but also the need to people-please. ‘I had a one-year-old and a five-week-old, and I remember the anxiety of hosting, of being so overtired, of thinking ‘I’ve got to make it perfect’.
‘Everything had to be over the top, from the decorations to the ingredients. I wanted to make it really special for the girls, even though they wouldn’t remember it and didn’t understand what Christmas was yet. But I just had this picture-perfect idea of how I wanted it all to be.’
It would be fair to say that it didn’t quite pan out how she had planned it – but then again, when you have an alcohol problem, nothing ever does. Millie started cooking in the morning, ‘and drinking in the morning. You know, glass of champagne in hand.’
At Christmas, you can hide a booze problem in plain sight. ‘You start drinking after breakfast, slowly sipping away while you’re cooking. I was starting to feel quite merry.
‘Then came the big lunch. My parents love their wine, so we had all these different wines with the different courses. And then the spirits start, and I think I drank gin and tonics.’
By this point, things are definitely a little less clear. ‘I think the kids must have been having a nap or gone to bed and we put on some kind of disaster movie. I had double vision trying to watch it. I was just so overwhelmed as I watched the end of the world, and suddenly I was sobbing. It must have triggered something in me, and I had to be put to bed [by her husband, Hugo Taylor].
‘That was the end of my Christmas Day, which is kind of sad. I woke up the next day feeling so embarrassed.’
You know that one person who always takes it too far, gets obnoxious or embarrassing? I was that person, says Millie Mackintosh
Millie’s book describes how life was affected by booze – from being sexually assaulted at 14 while at a party to getting so drunk at a wedding, she tried to hit her devoted husband Hugo
That Boxing Day, the same question kept going round and round her head.
‘Is this normal? Like, is it normal to have one drink and suddenly want to consume all the alcohol in the world? Is it normal to wake up and have a panic attack and feel like the only thing that’s going to help is to take a sedative or start drinking again? Is it normal to wake up with that shame and regret that crushes you?’
A few months later, Millie decided it was not normal, and quit alcohol for good. She hasn’t looked back since.
She is a delightfully blunt advocate for getting sober, refusing to sugar-coat what led her finally to put down those G&Ts for good.
‘I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, but I was certainly a destructive drinker,’ she writes in her book, Bad Drunk.
‘You know, that one person who always takes it too far, gets obnoxious or embarrassing? I was that person.
‘It was something I hadn’t been able to shake off since my teens. My relationship with alcohol was disordered and, although I always started the night with good intentions when I drank, there was a chance that the one drink I’d promise myself would turn into several.’
Indeed, her book describes in detail the way her life was affected by booze while she still drank – from being sexually assaulted at 14 while at a party to getting so drunk at a wedding, she tried to hit her devoted husband Hugo in front of other guests.
‘I was that person who everyone is staring at, thinking, ‘Oh God, get me away from them!’ I saw it in their faces. That social pariah was me – the bad drunk.’
Millie traces her reliance on alcohol back to her boarding school days in Dorset, when she was lonely and badly bullied.
‘I was constantly taunted and teased until the small glimmers of confidence I’d had when I arrived were destroyed.’ Courage and a certain amount of social cachet were found at the bottom of bottles of Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi Breezers. And so began a ‘cycle of instant gratification via boys and booze’, leading to reality tv fame and even greater pressure on her mental health.
Quitting wasn’t simple – as she also describes, the yummy mummy wine o’clock temptation persisted. ‘It was hard to feel so raw and real. In those initial months of sobriety, I felt like I owed it to people still to be the person they had known for years.’
But resist it she did – which is why, when I wanted to make an episode of my podcast, The Life Of Bryony, helping newly sober people to navigate the festive season without alcohol, I knew Millie was the perfect guest for it.
Millie and Bryony Gordon. Millie traces her reliance on alcohol back to her boarding school days in Dorset, when she was lonely and badly bullied
Here, then, are her tips for doing Christmas without a drink:
Remember all the times you messed up
Millie recalls that the first few months of sobriety ‘did feel bleak at times’. ‘I couldn’t work out how I was going to socialise without a glass of Dutch courage in my hand. I knew I didn’t need to have a drink to be around my loved ones [such as her husband], but the thought if going into a bigger social situation seemed scary.’
But every time she considered having a drink, she reminded herself of the person she turned into when booze hit her system.
‘I got alcohol poisoning after one festive girl’s night out,’ she tells me. ‘I drank the whole cocktail menu. I think there’s a picture of me where I literally have my arms around about ten different cocktails. I was just jumping from one spirit to another and I could not handle it. I remember throwing up for days, not being able to get out of bed, Googling ‘can you die from a hangover?’ I felt so poisoned.’
This was the reality of drinking for Millie and, while getting sober felt hard, she reminded herself that it was not as hard as the alternative.
Mourn the person you used to be
‘When I stopped drinking I kind of had to mourn the girl that I used to be. I had to accept that I’m not going to be on those nights out any more.’
But remember that you won’t be the only sober person at a Christmas party: as Millie explains in Bad Drunk, a whopping one fifth of the adult population don’t drink at all.
‘Until I got sober, it hadn’t really occurred to me that not everyone drank like I drank, that there are people who could nurse one drink all evening or not drink at all.’
Millie suggests getting a sober buddy for accountability: if you can’t find someone at a party, then have a friend you can message throughout the evening.
‘Somebody you can run to the bathroom and check in with. You can message them on the way to the party, and then on the way home. It’s somebody who can hold you accountable and remind you of why you don’t want to drink.’
Millie and her now husband Hugo Taylo during Made In Chelsea. ‘I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, but I was certainly a destructive drinker,’ she writes
Make sure that you have a plan
‘This is so crucial,’ says Millie. ‘It’s all about the plan. Arrive early, leave early, know the five hellos you have to say, then go without saying goodbye. Just leave! It’s a revelation.’
Never go to a party hungry –remember the HALT acronym (being Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired are danger zones for drinking, and we would suggest adding another H into this – hormonal). ‘When it comes to getting through the festive season, ask yourself what’s really important. If you get ten invitations, which one do you really have to be at?
‘How’s it going to feel if you don’t go? Who are you letting down? Because, to be honest, nobody really cares. I know we think that people will, but if they’re the right people they won’t.’ If you think you might be tempted to have a drink at a party, sit it out and stay home.
Non-alcoholic drinks? Beware of them
Some people love an alcohol-free beer or wine but Millie says: ‘I don’t want to be reminded of alcohol. I want a nice drink that makes me feel like I am celebrating but doesn’t taste of booze.’
She favours Three Spirit mocktails and non-alcoholic brand Trip, and suggests bringing along your own alcohol-free option if you can’t be sure they’ll be provided. ‘If you feel awkward not holding a glass, there are so many good alternatives now.’
Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you’re not drinking, but be prepared for multiple questions about it. For some reason, encountering a teetotal person at a party can trigger people who might themselves need to cut back on their drinking. ‘At the beginning, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone, and I very much felt it wasn’t anyone’s business. If it makes you feel more comfortable, just say you’re on antibiotics or medication that doesn’t mix with alcohol. You can have a list of things ready to say.’
Be prepared to detox from people too
Unfortunately, there’s always one person who needs to ask more about your decision not to drink.
‘I have had someone before who has said, ‘Oh, you’re not still doing that sober thing are you? Come on, have a drink with me!’ It makes people so uncomfortable, you just have to remember that the response isn’t about you, it’s about them. You are a mirror to that person.
‘I have felt that pressure, that sense that I am not as accepted. Now I’m not a party girl any more, maybe I’m not wanted quite as much at the party?’
It gets easier the more you do it, though
‘Now, I quite like making people uncomfortable when they push me,’ laughs Millie. ‘If they ask me why I don’t drink alcohol, I might just tell them it’s because I’ve got a drinking problem. Or I’ll say, ‘Well, if I do have a drink, then I might burn my entire life to the ground tonight.’ Another good one is ‘If I was going to relapse, I wouldn’t waste it on you.’
‘Sometimes, it can actually start a really interesting conversation, and it can end up being really positive. Others, they might just want to run as far away from you as possible. And that’s also fine with me.’
It’s about learning who you are now without the alcohol. As Millie says: ‘You’ve got to meet yourself for the first time when you get sober.’
Relationships change, and that’s ok. ‘I’ve realised that with friendships, it’s not actually about who you’ve known for the longest. Sobriety makes things a lot clearer. New people have come into my life that maybe I haven’t known for that long, but straight away there’s a deep connection where you feel like you’d just tell them your whole life story and they just get it.’
Play the tape forward
However stressful Christmas Day might get – and with a five-year-old and a four-year-old, there’s rarely a dull moment in the Mackintosh-Taylor household – Millie reminds herself of how much more special it is now that she actually remembers it.
While she used to be exhausted come the new year, now it’s her favourite time. ‘I love New Year’s Day now because I’m actually present. I don’t just want the day to be over because I’m so hungover. This year I went to a 90-minute yoga class. I fill this time with really positive things for me and the family.’
When she finds the thought of a glass of champagne crossing her mind, Millie creates a sort of pre-emptive gratitude list for the next day.
‘I imagine how I’m going to feel tomorrow morning if I pick up a drink. And then I imagine how I’m going to feel if I stick to my sobriety. I will wake up, and there’s no shame or regret.
‘I go downstairs and make myself my morning coffee, and I sit in peace and enjoy it, and feel really proud of myself. I think, ‘It was difficult for me, but I did it.’. You have clarity. You put your wellbeing first. I think you need to be really proud of yourself and recognise that you did something really hard. So give yourself a pat on the back. High-five yourself! Remind yourself, ‘I am awesome! I just did that!’ It definitely gets easier, I promise you.’
Bad Drunk: How I Found Freedom From Alcohol – And You Can Too, by Millie Mackintosh, is out now. You can listen to Millie on The Life Of Bryony wherever you get your podcasts
