It’s 2 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon at Butlin’s in Skegness and I’m about to sample one of the site’s famed group activities – but I’m not about to play bingo or join a round of pitch ’n’ putt.
I’ve arranged to attend a ‘pre-meet’ with a group of swingers at the Jellyfish Bar. A pre-meet is swinger terminology for a public event where would-be rumpy-pumpers meet – fully clothed, obviously – before anything naughty starts.
This is so couples or singles can get to know each other in a social setting and assess the chemistry.
You might be thinking that a branch of Butlin’s – a brand synonymous with family friendly seaside resorts – is an unlikely place to rendezvous with some very broadminded bed-hoppers.
But the holiday camp chain’s Adult Weekenders – which are ‘adult’ as in ‘No kids allowed’ – have become very adult indeed because the ‘Leave the kids at home’ angle means they have become a magnet for swingers. Less, Hi-de-Hi!, more ‘How’s yer father!’
On one swingers site, there are currently no fewer than 35 separate forums about attending Butlin’s ‘Adult Weekender’ events, which are themed around 80s, 90s or 00s music, with shows by the likes of Fat Boy Slim and Go West.
And they are certainly not older ravers. Amie Southwell and her husband Lee, both 34, have been together for 17 years, married for 12 and in the swingers lifestyle for four years. They regularly meet for parties at swingers’ clubs, travelling to events as far afield as Exeter and Manchester, although their nearest ‘home’ event is Swindon.
But Adult Weekenders at Butlin’s in Bognor Regis are the steamiest of all. When they hit Butlin’s their swingers group go for the whole weekend – Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.
Amie Southwell and her husband Lee, both 34, have been together for 17 years, married for 12 and in the swingers lifestyle for four years
During the day, things begin with darts and beer pong – a drinking game where you throw ping-pong balls into pints – followed by naps in the afternoon, before partying till 5am, with an agreed fancy dress theme for each night.
Not that the clothes stay on long. Amie says: ‘One night we had about 20 people spread out over two bedrooms with the adjoining door open between rooms.’
When I ask if all 20 people were actively participating at the same time, she says: ‘We don’t really get many people just watching in our group.’
But consent is key. These events are never a free-for-all, according to Amie. ‘It is always strictly vetted… always friends of friends. We never just say, “Get involved.” Any newbie in the group will have met one couple, likely more, within the group.’
Before my weekend stay, I join chat forums on two swingers websites, where I surf through dozens of barely clothed profiles and X-rated group chats.
But it’s when I go on to another, described as ‘the leading mobile app revolutionising the non-monogamous adult lifestyle community worldwide’, that I come across Amie and Lee.
They were initially invited to Butlin’s by another couple they met in a swingers club. Then other friends came, and it went from there. Amie says: ‘Suddenly you have a group of ten couples at least. We have a big WhatsApp group for all of us and – when Butlin’s comes round – sometimes all of us go; just a few of us or none.
‘Couple swaps may happen in a number of rooms. Or some orgies may happen and others may just go to bed. The last one we wore “rave gear” Friday, Saturday night was pirates, Sunday night was sexy pyjamas. We also have a tradition of a Sunday roast in a place just off site. Then we’ll go back, have a nap and get back on it for the final night.’
A group at Butlin’s in Skegness for the Adult Weekender
I am only invited to the pre-meet in the Jellyfish Bar after passing a two week long initiation process. Everyone has to register by submitting a type of photo ID and – to prove you match your username – a head shot with your username written on a piece of paper next to it.
Now here I am at Butlin’s sitting nervously, armed only with a £6.25 pint of lager and clutching a headshot of an attractive-looking couple in their 40s who have set up the meeting via the forum.
I feel like I’m waiting for a blind date as I scan the long queues into the carpeted lounge. Who might be a swinger, who isn’t? It doesn’t help that all 80s Weekender attendees are in fancy dress: leg warmers, mullets, Freddie Mercury costumes, the lot.
After what seems like an interminable wait, I finally spot the couple, Kate and David. They look about 45 and are already surrounded by a group of other people – I count 25 attendees in total – the mix being 60 per cent women, 40 per cent men.
Each soon has a sticker of an ‘upside-down pineapple’ – the universal logo of swinging – pinned to their chest.
Aside from a couple of straggly-bearded chaps who’ve arrived solo and are quickly cold-shouldered by the rest of the group, they are all well-dressed, tanned, physically in shape and aged between 35 and 55.
More than one appears to have had a recent ‘Hollywood smile’ treatment, and they chatter easily about anything from the price of garden furniture to the hazards of running a small business. Oh, and of course, sex.
‘The last swingers event here had about 30 people and there were – completely separate from us – another two swinging groups who were doing their own thing,’ reveals Kate, who lives with David in rural Yorkshire, where they have successful businesses and older children.
Andy Jones, right, with people at the Butlin’s adults-open weekend
Is anyone at Butlin’s not a swinger? I think amid all the other punters dressed as Magnum PI and Madonna, I reckon about 20 per cent are in our swinger group.
Critically, this afternoon chit-chat means you get to see if everyone measures up to their online profiles.
‘Like online dating, you wouldn’t believe the difference between some people’s online profiles and boasts and what turns up in real life,’ says Mike, 48, a nine-year veteran of the scene, who is in Skegness with his partner Jackie.
‘I don’t know why people lie – you soon find out someone’s body type if you’re going to play together!’
Many of this group already know each other from previous events. Debbie, 58, was married for 35 years before divorcing.
Having started dating again, she was asked by a new partner if she wanted to try a threesome. After this was successful, threesomes soon became foursomes and ‘more-somes’.
She now comes to Butlin’s up to three times per year. ‘Honestly, it’s not really about the sex, the people you meet are just great company and a good laugh. I’ve made some really worthwhile friendships out of it.’
Not that it always goes to plan. David, one of the main group who helped arrange the event, reveals that one encounter went badly wrong after the female member of a new couple – who looked rather more rotund than their photos – had insisted that all parties abide by a ‘No kissing’ rule.
A group dressed up as Oompa Loompas. Andy didn’t feel out of place with the ‘out there’ dress code
Common in swinging circles, the ‘no kissing rule’, occurs because some couples believe kissing is more romantic and emotionally fraught and thus off-limits. However, in the heat of the moment, a kiss occurred between her partner and another female.
‘She began slapping him around the head, shouting at him,’ he says. ‘They were still naked while all this was going on, and the more he apologised, the angrier she got.’
Amie, our Bognor Regis swinger, says such incidents are unusual. ‘We recommend Butlin’s swinging for anybody – experienced swingers, newbies. In true communities, people don’t try and take advantage of you. If something is going to happen it’s with full consent. Nobody is going to start snogging you or your wife without asking. We don’t just see someone we like and pounce on them.’
Swingers, says Amie, are always easy to spot. ‘You’ll be watching and you just see someone snogging one person and then they are also snogging someone else. Oh, and, obviously, they are the most fun people there.’
It’s interesting to note that the swingers in attendance are actually the most smartly dressed people at the resort. It’s almost as if – knowing they’re going to have sex – they make a bit more effort and also, even though it’s an 80s event, don’t make the mistake of dressing as Timmy Mallet or Elton John.
There is an ever growing younger swinging crowd at Butlin’s, according to Olivia Masterson, 32, who arrived with her partner Gage, 33.
‘We have several community pages created by our users attending the Butlin’s weekenders, each has a few hundred members. They are hosted by individuals prior to the event to share helpful information, build connections, and discuss what to expect, from previous weekend stories to meet-ups and outfit tips.
‘The stigma around being a swinger is gradually shifting, with social media raising the public profile of the lifestyle. Some creators now post content from events at Butlin’s specifically showing signals associated with swingers – like upside down pineapple motifs on clothing, cabins, or cars — which further fuels public curiosity.’
Butlin’s ‘Adult Weekender’ events are themed around 80s, 90s or 00s music
A group dressed up as cheerleaders for the event wearing face disguises
Not that Butlin’s appears to approve. Asked to comment on the ubiquity of swinger meet-ups at its resorts, a Butlin’s spokesperson says: ‘Big Weekenders are safe, well-managed adult-only music breaks enjoyed by more than 300,000 guests a year.
‘Issues of this nature are exceptionally rare, and we do not permit any organised activity that falls outside our guest behaviour standards. We uphold clear expectations to ensure a consistently safe, enjoyable environment for all.’
Naturally, I won’t be swinging and so it’s the dance floor only for me. I may be in a lurid 1980s shell suit, sweatbands and spectacular mullet wig but the dress code is so out there I don’t look remotely out of place.
A squad of orange jump-suited convicts on a stag are wheeling around a chained-up groom in a wheelchair. Some Oompa Loompas are having a dance-off with the cast of The Simpsons and a cheerleader is snogging a ‘traffic cone’.
Performing all weekend are 1980s heroes Go West, Black Lace and Matt Goss from Bros.
Earlier this month, at Fat Boy Slim’s ‘All Back To Minehead’ Butlin’s Adult Weekender, the DJ, real name Norman Cook, 62, dived into the pool mid-set to lead a rave for thousands of ecstatic, swimsuited punters.
Compared to the no-holds-barred parties held by the more exotic guests at these raucous weekends, however, the high jinks of the hard-partying DJ look positively tame.
