This article is taken from the October 2025 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Get five issues for just £25.
October, and the breaking guise is dead Victorian child. This isn’t even a Hallowe’en thing; it’s a real-life phenomenon that’s been simmering away since summer when the vibe was to waft about in one’s nightdress looking a tad wan. “Haunted couture” entails bloomers, flouncy white cotton, tattered lace and spectral tulle.
In a Guardian article by Lucianne Tonti, the University of Lancaster professor Catherine Spooner cited the French Revolution, Miss Havisham and the eerie 1975 film Picnic at Hanging Rock as influences, deeming the look to represent “a party at the end of the world”.
I’m not knocking the aesthetic, obv. Dead Victorian child/apocalyptic nihilism is very much my wheelhouse. I passed my adolescence in a haunted Victorian villa whose womenfolk floated about in snowy nightdresses Virgin Suicides-style.
I was bright white, with Sharpie-hued hair, and rarely slept — never not undead-adjacent. Before I discovered blusher, my Victorian Literature tutor was convinced I had galloping consumption.
However, shroud chic will not exactly be what one wants in, say, a job interview, or meeting with one’s investors. Moreover, you may wish to hold off, as so often the vibe predicted to dominate at the beginning of a season is relegated to a no-show a month or so in.
Hold fire. Bide your time. Easy, tiger — or, in my case, zebra. For animal print is the obvious transitional solution, the full Noah’s Ark of zoological markings feeling newly fresh. For those seeking to inhabit the land of the living, it’s all about animal camo.
Back when I was a nipper, leopard print was perceived as red-in-tooth-and-claw racy: Bet Lynch in Coronation Street mode. By the Nineties, it had become a grunge trope to be rocked with silk slips and tiaras. In the Noughties, it became voguish to declare that leopard was a “classic”, swiftly segueing into “neutral”, after which it became banal. Everybloodybody wore it — it was all over pre-cool M&S, British Home Stores, Next — to the extent that it felt sad sack, de-fanged, all vim vanished.
If you continue to be sold on the pattern, you could do a lot worse than All Saints muddy brown leopard trench (£329, allsaints.com). However, I still feel leopard holds insufficient fascination. Besides, it pays to consider the undertone of one’s beast. Even at its least orange, leopard — like tiger and cheetah — will still read pretty warm.
Even grey leopard doesn’t work on cool-toned moi, despite having once boasted a Times reader who was convinced that Julie Christie, Babs Streisand and I were goddesses who ran his life, and could take the form of snow leopards. (This is true, obv. Their pelt just doesn’t do anything for me.)
This makes zebra or dalmation — if going full Cruella — the only shows in town. And the style set would appear to agree, preferring feral fashion in monochrome. Forget apex predators. These days, pack animals look less follow-the-herd.
Naturally, I anticipated this earlier in the year with a few canny Vinted purchases: a Nineties DKNY purse; a pair of long, pointy Zara flats; a pleasing belt — all considerably better quality than much of the current high-street tat.
For if all animals are equal, some animals are more equal than others. One needs to be extremely choosy about materials, meaning it’s worth splashing out on the more elegantly cut Rotate mighty-shouldered faux fur coat (now £472, mytheresa.com) rather than the dodgy French Connection take that appears over-sized without intending to be (£145.50, asos.com).
I’m not saying that spenny is always the route. I’m giving the H&M Premium Collection “Co-ord” (yes, people actually say this) a punt, with its Jacquard-knit mohair-blend skirt (£54.99, H&M.com) and matching Mohair-blend turtleneck jumper (£64.00).
True, I’m concerned that the model’s having to wave her arms about in the air to make it work, but let’s see. I may or may not team this ensemble with & Other Stories Hairy real leather slingback kitten heels in white dalmatian print (now £74.75, asos.com).
For style gurus are forever shaking a choppy finger admonishing that “a little goes a long way” when it comes to animal patterns: a scarf here (Marc Jacobs’s is sumptuously soft, now £115, flannels.com); a belt there (check out Jaded London’s unfussy take, £50, selfridges.com); or token sunglasses (Celine’s Monochroms are cool as, now £170, sunglasseshut.com). Up to a point, Lord Copper. Some of us maintain that too much is never enough. Team zebra with polka dots, stripes and/or checks for full mono mania.
