They say that Brits have a different sense of humour to the Americans.
Ours is more nuanced, theirs more brash. But when Harry and Meghan arrived to collect their joint Humanitarians Of The Year Award in New York, I really did think the Yanks were having a laugh on us.
But no, this was for real. Meghan gazing adoringly at Harry as they proudly walked hand-in hand at the ludicrously named Project Healthy Minds gala, a non-profit start-up focusing on the mental health crisis created by the digital world.
It really was a laugh out loud moment. Because these are two of the most narcissistic people in the world, a couple obsessed with their own grievances and with money-grubbing on, yes, digital platforms. A couple who have obviously caused intense distress to members of the Royal Family.
So let’s take a look at the Sussexes’ humanitarian credentials. What a picture of humanity Harry was when he was making millions trashing his own kith and kin. And how kind Meghan must have been to the staff in the royal household she was accused of bullying – a charge she denies.
Harry and Meghan have been rumbled as a couple of disloyal chancers, writes Amanda Platell
Oh, what a loving daughter she seems to the heartbroken and infirm father she has abandoned, a man who now says his dearest wish is that she will come to his funeral as it would be the first time she had seen him in years.
They’ve been rumbled. They have bombed in the polls here in Britain and in their home country of America, scoring just above Prince Andrew.
Harry and Meghan should enjoy their utterly deluded moment in the limelight. It won’t last.
Because they are a couple of disloyal chancers who betrayed their families and gave up on their moral duties. Which is why this award is very bad a joke.
Top tear Clarkson
Former Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson is bereft after having to put down the cow that was the first calf born on his Cotswold farm, Diddly Squat.
‘This morning she was destroyed, while pregnant with twins, because she has [bovine] TB. So sad,’ he revealed.
Upset over a dead cow? He really is a far cry from the man who drove round the world in elite sports cars.
Although it endearingly proves that Clarkson’s now in the top gear of his life.
Traitors’ secret? C-list desperation
The Celebrity Traitors was released this week to the joy of many viewers around the world
The Celebrity Traitors launch hits 6.5million viewers. So what is its secret?
Simple really: bring together a menagerie of celebrity C-listers desperately trying to revive their fading careers, get them to betray each other to save their own skins, and humiliate them by making them dig their own graves (the joke’s on them as they all know they already have one foot in the career grave). All while the gloriously evil Claudia demonically cackles her way to the bank.
Dame Jilly Cooper, who has died aged 88, sent a card to Amanda Platell last August
After the death of my heroine Jilly Cooper, tributes made it clear I was one of many she wrote to regularly.
It’s the last card she sent me that I cherish most, posted in August this year after I’d published a picture of her that she described as ‘much too flattering, plus cleavage’. ‘I’d been feeling a bit low,’ she said and ‘it cheered me up thinking of Leo raising a huge glass of red wine to me in Heaven.’
A happy thought that, now they’re reunited in the hereafter, they can toast each other again to their hearts’ content.
Spider-Woman Jen!
Jennifer Lopez in her arachnid-inspired dress… and Spider-Woman in her crime-fighting outfit
What was Jennifer Lopez thinking wearing a bizarre arachnid exoskeleton-inspired outfit to the premiere of her movie Kiss Of The Spider Woman?
I am guessing that – at 56 – she thought it may be a bit too much to model one of the more iconic Spider-Woman costumes?
Kemi watch
The real Kemi Badenoch emerged on Laura Kuenssberg’s BBC show with her finger pointing
The real Kemi Badenoch emerged on Laura Kuenssberg’s BBC show as she belligerently and repeatedly refused to explain how she’d remove 150,000 illegals a year. Her finger pointing is horrible to watch and, like half of all Conservatives, I can’t wait until she’s kicked out.
Meanwhile, Kemi makes an offensive joke comparing Nigel Farage to a pig by quoting Bernard Shaw: ‘Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty – and the pig likes it.’ Imagine if a man had made that comment about a woman? Crude and not nice, Kemi.
No faith in new Archbishop
As Sarah Mullally becomes the first female Archbishop of Canterbury I’m reminded by a parishioner at my CofE church that it was she, as Bishop of London, who locked church doors during Covid –causing loneliness when we needed solace, and a decline in congregations.
Hard to work out what’s more ludicrous. That Sid Siddiqui, 80, is still employed part-time as an NHS health service environmental manager, which has a full-time salary of £62,000. Or that, having been signed off due to stress, he is well enough to star on TV’s Googlebox.
Talking of playing Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore in the new HBO Harry Potter series, actor John Lithgow, 79, whined: ‘It was not an easy decision because it’s going to define me for the last chapter of my life. I’m afraid, but excited.’
Cheer up John! Ian McKellen, now 86, started playing Gandalf in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy aged 62, and earned $13million (£9.8million) doing it.
How unfair that at 56, Jennifer Aniston feels she has to explain her childlessness to those who accuse her of putting her career before motherhood.
She reveals she tried 20 years for a baby, IVF included, which I know is a very lonely place.
Endless injections and rejections and for those, like me, not lucky enough to have a child, unfathomable sadness.
More interesting than if sex, or lack of it, played a part in the breakdown of Nicole Kidman’s marriage to Keith Urban is how on the cover of Vogue Nic has a gorgeous blonde bob. Which leaves us fans wondering if it wasn’t just the sex that was fake but her signature waist-long blonde tresses?
Promoting her Netflix series, Victoria Beckham says hubby David snores so badly she has to wear earplugs in bed. Never mind, Vic, reviews of the show have been almost universally derisory. So viewers will either be snoring their way through it or wearing earplugs to escape it.
