This article is taken from the October 2025 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Get five issues for just £25.
From: [email protected]
Back to using this account, I’m afraid. Look OF COURSE I’m not upset with Keir over how things ended. He has SO MUCH on his plate that he’s struggling with, and he is, as I think we both know, operating well beyond his personal limits.
From: postmaster@No10
Your message wasn’t delivered to James.Lyons@No10 because the address couldn’t be found or is unable to receive email.
From: Tim.Allan@No10
Thanks, it’s great to be back! Things have changed a bit since ’98, of course, but I’m getting the hang of it. Comms here are a total mess, and we really need to reach people where they’re at. I’m looking into setting up a Number 10 page on MySpace.
From: [email protected]
No, no, I don’t think we’re getting cocky. Far from it! I’ve got plans for every scenario from a majority of 50 to 200. The Purple Revolution is coming, my friend! Hang on, that was last time. Sorry, had an extra bottle with lunch. The Turquoise Wave is going to roll over Britain! Put that.
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Dear supporter,
You are invited to the Rally For Change. Join us at Conservative Conference in Manchester to demand new leadership for Britain. Speakers include Robert Jenrick and Michal Jenrick. Prize for the biggest flag!
Leadership speculation? No, I had a long chat with Robert, and he says it’s just the Lobby getting feverish about nothing.
Eee, I know what you mean. Shine’s gone off this government faster than gravy off chips, as we say up here in the North, where I authentically am. What t’party needs is a leader who’s reet proper connected with t’working man. In terms of names, we’ll see to that when dog’s in t’barn, as Northerners like me say up here in the North.
From: Tim.Allan@No10
Hang on. When did Robin Day retire?
From: [email protected]
I’m in the Caribbean for a bit, though of course these blasted sanctions are making yacht life trickier than it used to be. But lunch would be DELIGHTFUL. I’m afraid that of course I really won’t be able to share very much about Dear Poor Keir’s terrible limitations, but perhaps I might have an idea or two for you over coffee.
