I went on the ‘affordable luxury’ Nordic cruise where temperatures hit 28C

SO there we were, lying on the deck of our majestic cruise liner in late July and it was time to reach for the SPF as the temperature hit 28C.

The resident band couldn’t take it and cancelled their afternoon show by the pool because it was too hot to play. You know how it gets in Norway.

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Yes, you read that right. Norway, a country which claims to have Santa and his reindeers as residents, and owes its beauty to the Ice Age, when glaciers sliced through the mountains to produce awesome fjords.

After a colleague had asked where I was going for my week’s holiday this summer, she sat open-mouthed when I replied that I was heading a long way north for a trip to experience the majesty of those fjords.

“But don’t you want to get some warmth and go and lie on a beach?”, she enquired.

Well, by the time I returned, I was sporting the type of tan you get after a fortnight in the Canaries.

The BBC climate-change correspondent would have had a meltdown.
I’d taken two hoodies and a waterproof jacket — and never wore them once.

Of course, we were expecting wind and rain, but reasoned that would be offset by being able to enjoy the fjords in all their glory when not covered in ice and snow.

The bonus was we got to see them while dressed in shorts and T-shirts — the sun beating down on the mirror-like clear blue waters as they reflected the mountain ranges.

Talk about the best of both worlds.

My wife, Kim, and I travelled on the Summertime Fjords cruise with Ambassador Cruise Line, a company which has only been in existence for four years, but has quickly won plaudits for its “affordable luxury”.

It is aimed at the 50-plus UK market, specialising in what they call “traditional cruising”.

That means great food and conversation, carefully thought-out decor like the impressive Centre Court area, spread over three floors with a Wimbledon tennis theme, and the type of accommodation you would expect in any four-star hotel.

Or, in the case of our deluxe suite, a five-star hotel — special thanks to Mario who seemed available, at our convenience, from morning till night.

The ship was aptly named Ambience, because the ambience was, well, perfect.

After a calming day at sea — yes, even the North Sea was as tranquil as a boating lake — we docked in Haugesund and took in the beautiful Akrafjorden.

From here, we took a motor boat trip to the Langfoss waterfall, where the deckhand scooped a bucketload of water from it and served glasses to the guests on board.

There was also the bizarre sight of a gentleman mowing his roof.

Apparently, grass provides great insulation and when the rain is belting down you cannot hear a sound indoors.

The following day, we sailed to Ulvik, a chocolate-box town where we enjoyed a visit to the nature centre and a panoramic film showing off Norway’s breathtaking landscape, followed by a trip to the famous Voringsfossen waterfall, which has special viewing platforms to examine it from every angle.

Some of the names of the villages, the waterfalls and fjords take a bit of work.

Few are spoken as they look. “A” can become “or” and “u” is “oo”, while the “d” in fjord is silent.

The Norwegian language is not an easy one to pick up.

The comedienne Pauline Daniels, who did a turn one night, joked she had told friends she was going on a cruise to Bergen because it was the only place she could pronounce.

On we went to Flam (pronounced Florm) for the Norway In A Nutshell tour where, in a remarkable feat of engineering, a railway takes you 864metres up the mountain to the town of Myrdal and stunning scenery.

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Then it was off to our final stop, Bergen — a port of Norwegian splendour full of traditional shops and houses painted in yellow, white or red.

Bergen has suffered more than 30 major fires down the years, which is perhaps not surprising given that everything seems to be made of wood.

It is Norway’s second biggest city after capital Oslo, so there was a bit of bustle about the place on a Saturday lunchtime, but you’d hardly call it crowded.

If it’s peace and quiet you want, Norway is the place. It is one and a half times the size of the UK, but it only has a population of 5.5million.

Greater London, by way of contrast, squeezes in 9million. So, plenty of room for everyone in Norway.

Of course, you need not do all the ship excursions. You can make your own way round the towns or just relax on board.

The menus are high quality, whether you are in the waiter-service Buckingham restaurant, the more casual Borough Market, specialist Asian restaurant Saffron, or Sea And Grass, which serves up a magnificent seven-course tasting menu.

There are shows each night in the 1,400- seater Palladium theatre — so a place for every passenger — delivered by a talented cast who can perform anything from opera to contemporary rock.

And every bar seems to have a genius musician playing in it — whether it be a pianist, violinist or saxophonist — ably supported by waiting staff who take your drinks order the minute you sit down.

Head for the Observatory and look at the stars while dancing the night away, or simply relax in the coffee shop or the library — whatever takes your fancy.

As we sailed for home, I fancied doing this all again so we could see what it looks like when winter snow is falling.

I reckon we would need our coats for that one.