WHETHER it was four hours or a whole year, three couples reveal how quickly (or not!), they did the deed.
And the shock reasons why.
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Four hours
Juel Stokes, 58, is an actress and singer and lives in London with her musician husband Jerome, 58.
“Arriving at the bar in November 2007, my friend introduced me to his band’s singer, Jerome, and as he leaned towards me, I was mesmerised. I fell in love with him straight away.
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Having just come out of a 14-year relationship, meeting somebody was the last thing I wanted to do, but when I discovered Jerome lived near me, I gave him a lift home and we kissed.
Then we had the strangest conversation as he asked: ‘Do you want to get married? Do you want to have a baby? Do you want to live in America?’ I said yes to all three and then – four hours after we first met – we went inside and slept together. The sex was amazing.
The next day, Jerome asked me again if I wanted to get married. I replied by asking him his surname, and when he told me it was Stokes, I said I liked it, but that I’d think about it.
I’d never slept with anybody so soon, but it felt right. We moved in together straight away and became inseparable – it was like we’d known each other forever.
Jerome told me he’d been in ’90s rave band Love Decade, and I said I’d seen them live 20 years before! I’m a singer, too, and we bonded over our love of making music. Before meeting him, I’d had a number of relationships, while Jerome was divorced.
I fell pregnant quickly in 2008, but had a miscarriage at eight weeks. We were both very sad, but at the time we were both 40 and agreed we had lots of other great things in our lives.
In December 2010, we moved to London for work and a month later, Jerome proposed again, telling me he’d known he loved me the first time we met. I began crying as I said yes.
I’d never slept with anybody so soon, but it felt right
Juel Stokes
We applied for Reality Channel series Battle Of The Brides, where couples could win a £25k wedding. We were chosen from 100,000 contestants and got married in October 2011 in a lavish ceremony at Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire.
People always ask me the secret to us being so happy together. I say we’re always considerate of each other’s feelings and we’re able to talk openly and honestly. We also never go to bed angry, and when I lie beside Jerome, my heart feels so full.
Eighteen years on, I fancy Jerome more than ever, and he tells me he gets butterflies every time he sees me.
I’m glad we slept together so quickly after meeting. Fate brought us together that night and I believe we were meant to be.”
Three months
Caroline Jones, 43, is a teaching assistant and PT and lives in South Shields with her husband Lee, 48, who works in IT, and their son Henry, four.
“Tucked up in a sleeping bag, with Lee next to me, it took all my willpower not to suggest we have sex. It was me who’d made the choice to wait before sleeping together.
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However, on a camping trip a month after meeting on a dating app, it was proving hard to stick to!
I lost my virginity when I was 18 – older than a lot of friends. Sex just wasn’t something I wanted to rush into. I was busy with my studies and social life, and 18, with a boyfriend the same age, felt like the right time for me.
Between then and meeting Lee in 2018, I had a fairly typical dating history. A mixture of short- and long-term relationships – the longest three years – and a few casual partners and ‘friends with benefits’.
In my 20s, I didn’t care when I found myself single, as I loved clubbing and holidaying with friends. But once I hit my early 30s, I began to want to settle down and have a family.
I joined some dating apps, but it was a depressing landscape, dominated by sex – so many men I chatted to online or met for dates were only interested in how quickly they could move things to the bedroom.
It took all my willpower not to suggest we sleep together
Caroline Jones
I grew tired of being ghosted if I didn’t just sleep with guys, or feeling like it had been too soon to go there.
By the time I met Lee in May 2018, I’d already decided that sex was off the table for a while – the next time would be with someone I had a chance of a future with and who liked me enough to wait.
We started chatting after I recognised his picture on a dating app – he was the brother of an old friend. Lee was funny, sincere and down-to-earth, and when we met at a local bowling alley, there was a definite spark. When we kissed goodbye, I knew I wanted to see him again.
A few dates later, I told him I didn’t want to sleep with him yet. I’d known there was a risk he’d find it odd or not agree with my temporary celibacy, but I felt sure it was the right thing to do, and was pleased he didn’t have an issue with it.
For the next three months, we dated and it was wonderful getting to know one another purely emotionally, without sex getting in the way.
Of course, it crossed my mind that when we came to do it, it might be rubbish. But I was pretty confident it wouldn’t be, because we had been intimate without going all the way, and I had no complaints!
When it came to our first time, it wasn’t planned. We’d spent the evening together and it just happened naturally and felt right.
It was the longest I’d ever waited to sleep with a partner, and I believe it was more enjoyable than if we’d done it sooner, as by then we’d already fallen in love. Sex felt really special as a result.
Two years later, in 2020, our son Henry was born, and last year we tied the knot at a local church. Sex is an important part of our marriage, when we have the time and opportunity, like most working parents. But I have no regrets about waiting for that first time.”
One Year
Jenny Thompson, 34, is a corporate counsellor and lives in Edinburgh with her husband Brian, 35, an IT technician, and their daughter Jessica, 18 months.
“Preparing dinner at my flat, I felt my stomach churn with nerves.
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Then the doorbell rang and I knew there was no turning back. I was about to open the door to Brian, the man I’d been dating for a year but had only gone as far as kissing.
It was January 2021, and we’d chosen to wait a year before being intimate, because we’d both been used for sex in the past.
I was nervous, worrying if sleeping together would be as good as I’d imagined, but we didn’t even manage to finish our starter before heading to my bedroom and tearing each other’s clothes off.
Because we had an emotional connection and trusted each other, the sex was better than any I’d had before. I was able to say what I wanted in the bedroom and it felt liberating – we did it three more times that night and the next morning.
I’d lost my virginity in my late teens and, aside from a few casual relationships, I’d only had two partners lasting six months and another a year, before meeting Brian through friends in January 2020.
We’d both been used for sex in the past
Jenny Thompson
I was so often left hurt, as the men I dated had only been after one thing, and once I’d slept with them, I’d never see them again. I’d been left wondering what was wrong with me.
Was I not pretty enough? Was I not good enough in bed?
But after talking to a friend, who reassured me I was just dating the wrong guys, I vowed not to sleep with the next person I liked until I knew them really well.
Brian and I had been on two dates before I said sex wasn’t on the table, explaining I wanted to get to know someone for a month or more first.
He was more than happy, saying he wanted to be able to trust a new partner before sex, too. He confided that a girl he’d lived with had cheated on him. Since then, his longest relationship had lasted just five months.
It helped that lockdown began soon after we met. We couldn’t see each other, but became close after chatting on the phone for hours, learning about each other.
When restrictions were lifted, Brian went overseas for work for four months and we ended up having phone sex. When he got back, we agreed to wait another six months to have full sex, which would take us to one year since we’d met.
When we finally did the deed, it really confirmed we were meant to be together.
Six months later, in June 2021, Brian proposed and we planned to get married in 2026, but I fell pregnant two years after he proposed, while on birth control.
It was a shock, but we soon came around to the idea. We fast-tracked our plans and married in January 2024 in an intimate wedding ceremony in the US, where Brian’s parents live.
That March, our daughter Jessica was born and we decided to use the money we’d received as wedding presents to travel the world, setting off in June.
Since then, we’ve been having an adventure together as a family, while working remotely. So far we’ve been to Bali and Thailand and are currently in Nepal.
When people learn we waited a year, they’re always so surprised, or think we’re old-fashioned – but we’re not, we just wanted sex on our terms. People rush into relationships, get blinded by sex and think it means love. We reversed that and it’s the best thing we ever did.”
