LAUREN Burgess is the first to admit that she was living a ‘dream’ life.
She had the perfect husband who loved her and the pair were preparing for the trip of a lifetime that would see them travel the world.
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But before they were meant to leave her marriage to Matt came crumbling down.
Now four years later Lauren has been on her dream trip and is very much in love – with a woman.
The business and wealth strategist from Joshua Tree, California says: “I told Matt I was gay and he said, ‘maybe you are.’
“It was terrifying but also liberating.
“It was so hard, but Matt was supportive and understanding.
“It felt very selfish, and I had a lot to grieve.
“But I only have one life, and I needed to live it honestly.”
Lauren, 39, believed she was living the perfect life after enjoying a four-year long marriage with partner, Matt, 42, and opening her own coffee shop.
But when chronic hives from stress pushed her into therapy, Lauren confronted the truth about her sexuality and realised she was a lesbian.
In February 2021, she made the life-changing decision to leave Matt and set off along the West Coast in a van with her Goldendoodle, Ted.
Two years later, Lauren was introduced to Amanda Sartoris, 35, a strength and conditioning coach, from Venice Beach, California, through a mutual friend.
The pair spent more time together and then – during a surf trip to Sayulita, Mexico – they both confessed their “love” for one another.
Lauren remains on good terms with her ex-husband, Matt, a financial consultant from Englewood, Colorado – who she shares custody of Ted with – and is now focusing on her new life with her girlfriend.
“Matt is an amazing person and I still have a lot of care there for him,” Lauren adds.
“It’s been really hard, but I had to follow my dreams.”
After a “fairytale” beach wedding in the Dominican Republic in 2016 to partner Matt – who she had been with for three-years – Lauren thought she was content with her life.
She also had her “dream” career after owning a therapy centre for autistic people, and then opened her own coffee shop.
But everything change when she came down with chronic hives in April 2018.
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Lauren says: “I would go to bed every night grateful and content.
“I had a home and a job I was passionate about, but I worked very long hours.
“The mental stress took it’s toll.
“I started breaking out in hives and my lips swelled.”
Lauren went to visit a ‘naturopath’ – a health professional who specialises in natural therapies.
“They said my illness was caused by stress,” she explains.
“My therapist told me I needed to ‘let go’ of something to get better.”
When covid hit in March 2020 Lauren found herself becoming depressed.
“I could hardly get out of bed,” she said.
“I thought I was living a dream life, but a little voice piped up making me question everything.
“Matt and I started having marriage guidance and we discussed travelling.
“But all of a sudden he changed his mind and had the confidence to tell me that it wasn’t what he wanted.”
Lauren decided that it was something she still wanted to pursue, and she bought a van on Craigslist to travel “for a couple of weeks”.
During the trip, Lauren had time to reflect on her marriage and sexuality.
She had “experimented” with women in college but thought it was “just a bit of fun.”
“I’d been seeing a lot of people of social media taking about their sexuality and I began to realize that I might be bisexual,” she says.
“Slowly, some jigsaw pieces started to fit together.
“The reason I was so tired and sad was because I was exhausted from trying to hide a part of myself.
“On the trip it all clicked and I realized I was definitely gay.
“It all made sense.
“I knew I had to go back to my husband and talk about getting a divorce.
“I told him I couldn’t go on pretending.
“There was no shouting – Matt seemed resigned to it, like he already knew.
“We put our arms around each other and cried.”
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
Lauren separated from Matt in February 2021 and took her belongings and went travelling along the West Coast of America ending up in Joshua Tree, California.
She went on to meet Amanda in Venice Beach, California.
“We ended up meeting for coffee and kept running into each other,” Lauren says.
“She helped me run my book club and would sit with Ted while I worked the bar of a comedy club.
“Eventually ended up hitting things off and spent every moment.
“She asked me to go on holiday to Mexico and we told each other we were in love.
“I’d never felt relief and happiness like it.”
After a year, the couple traveled down through Baja Mexico in a van, until the heat forced them to head back.
Lauren returned to Joshua Tree and Amanda to Venice, but they’ve made their long-distance relationship work through compromise.
“We spend part of our time up here, part of our time down in Venice, surfing, working, that whole thing,” she says.
Lauren and Matt have divorced, but stay in touch to “co-parent” their dog, Ted
She adds: “I’m so grateful for the role he played in my life and the kindness he showed me when I left.”
As for children, Lauren says she and Amanda are prioritizing their careers — but they have talked about it.
She says: “We’ve definitely talked about starting a family in the future and growing a family life by the beach.”
She added: “I thought I was living the life of my dreams before but now I really am.”
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