One of the joys of working for this newspaper is that I get to share a platform with the wittiest and most successful writers in the business. We don’t always agree, but I count myself in esteemed company.
One of those is Nadine Dorries, former long-time Conservative MP for Mid-Bedfordshire, one-time competitor on I’m A Celebrity, Culture Secretary and bestselling author of numerous books including her latest, Downfall: The Self-Destruction Of The Conservative Party.
And now also, of course, the newest notch on Nigel Farage’s political bedpost.
She represents an important conquest for the Reform leader, not just because of her obvious talents, but also because she was for so many years such a loyal Conservative.
Having called her defection from Tory to Reform ‘possibly the most difficult decision’ of her career, she has declared the Conservatives ‘dead’ as a party, saying it ‘removes election-winning prime ministers and replaces them with duds’ (a reference to the defenestration of another esteemed colleague, Boris Johnson).
On the latter, I have some sympathy with her view. But on the matter of the Tory party being finished and Reform being the future… well, I’m sorry, Nadine, but I must respectfully disagree.
Having called her defection from Tory to Reform ‘possibly the most difficult decision’ of her career, Nadine Dorries, pictured at the Reform UK party conference in Birmingham with Nigel Farage, has declared the Conservatives ‘dead’ as a party
Don’t get me wrong. I can totally see the appeal of Reform. Farage is a powerhouse, in many ways a Johnsonian figure (certainly in terms of charisma and appetites). He has that same ease of personality, that same ability to engage and cut through, that same lightness of touch that matter so much in a politician.
But, as Johnson discovered during that difficult time when he was trying to manage the pandemic, being charming and lovable will only get you so far once you are actually in government.
Likewise, simply not being the bad guys – as Keir Starmer and Labour are also discovering – is not enough. In government, there is nowhere to hide.
If you think this lot are foundering with poorly thought-out policies and political dead ends, there is precious little to suggest, as yet, that Reform would be any different. Sure, they talk a good game, but are they match-fit?
Dame Andrea Jenkyns burst onto the stage at Reform’s party conference in a sequinned pantsuit, singing a song she had written 20 years ago entitled Insomniac
No. Being able to grab headlines is not the same as being ready for office. Case in point: Dame Andrea Jenkyns’ extraordinary turn in Birmingham last week, where she burst onto the stage at Reform’s party conference in a sequinned pantsuit, singing a song she had written 20 years ago entitled Insomniac.
Quite why she did or how it relates to her role as mayor for Greater Lincolnshire remains unclear.
She told GB News that she chose the song because ‘Britain is sleepwalking into disaster, but Reform are there to wake up the whole country’, which is all well and good, except that doesn’t really make sense because if someone is sleepwalking they’re, well, asleep.
Maybe what she meant is that they can’t sleep because the country’s in such a mess, which would make more sense. Anyway, the whole stunt was illogical, embarrassing and entirely nonsensical.
That, combined with Farage’s abrupt rescheduling of his own address because of Angela Rayner’s resignation, which resulted in a half-empty auditorium and general confusion among the delegates, did not exactly project an image of seamless efficiency.
And yet seamless efficiency is arguably all this country needs right now. If you can’t manage that at your own party conference in front of a supportive audience that has paid good money to be there, that doesn’t exactly bode well for a wider political stage.
Britain needs a political reset, that much is indisputable. But the answer is not showmanship, it’s serious, sustained accountability.
We need a government that only promises what it can deliver, that sets realistic and sensible goals then meets them, and whose policies stem from a fundamental set of long-held principles, not a set of hastily assembled knee-jerk reactions and outlandish pledges.
Most of all, we need more intellectual and moral depth in our politics. Not one-note opportunists who simply catch the prevailing mood.
Yes, it’s important to be relatable, otherwise no one will vote for you (see Rishi Sunak). Yes, it’s important to be nimble and quick in the Chamber. But all that must be underpinned by substance, and that’s what Reform lack.
I can totally see how, for many disillusioned voters, and especially former Conservative ones, Reform might seem like a political oasis. But it’s a mirage.
The reality is Farage’s policies – and he really only has fully fleshed-out one, on immigration – are built on sand.
His pledge to ‘stop the boats within two weeks of taking office’ may sound great, but there are a million and one obstacles to that ever happening.
Similarly, his plans on law and order sound suitably gung-ho (expelling 10,000 foreign prisoners, using the Army to build new prisons), but again, they remain uncosted and the practicalities are unclear.
The rest is just a quagmire. And so much of it is attention-seeking pie-in-the-sky.
It’s just more ADHD politics, the ideological equivalent of doomscrolling, flitting from headline to headline, grabby policy to grabby policy – but no real, deep-down let’s-stop-and-have-a-proper-think analysis of the problems and their underlying causes.
It’s junk politics, like junk food, when what Britain needs now is solid legislative fare, of the kind that doesn’t just deliver empty political calories.
We’ve seen what happens when you offer up a platter of half-baked policies: you get this dog’s dinner of a government.
Enough of this Pop-Tart politics. I want the full English. The reason I still have faith in the Conservatives under Kemi Badenoch is because she and her team are trying to cook up exactly that. And, unlike Reform, they have the expertise to do so.
The Conservatives’ biggest obstacle to re-election – the mess of the past few years – is in many ways the ace up their sleeve.
Sarah Vine says Nadine is right when she says Kemi Badenoch (pictured) isn’t the right person to lead the Tories into the next election. But whatever her shortcomings, at least she’s not a snake-oil salesman. She’s not a political quack. She won’t sell you a cure if she doesn’t have one
Yes, it means they have to work very hard to regain the electorate’s trust, one thing that Farage has in his favour. But they also know how and why and where things went wrong. They have experience of government. They know how the engines of power work, they know the problems and the pitfalls. Reform haven’t a clue.
If you think this administration is on a steep learning curve, it’s nothing compared to what Reform face.
Maybe Nadine is right when she says Badenoch isn’t the right person to lead the Tories into the next election. I think it’s too soon to tell. But whatever her shortcomings, at least she’s not a snake-oil salesman. She’s not a political quack. She won’t sell you a cure if she doesn’t have one.
And she does understand one fundamental truth: the answer to this country’s crisis is classic conservatism. Fiscally, culturally and socially – something she herself believes to her core.
Admittedly not as sexy or exciting as Dame Andrea in a sequinned jumpsuit – but in the long-term, probably more use to the voters of Britain.
